Im in my early 40's, divorced (2 years) and have been seeing a guy for over 2 years now. The problem is, he never has any money for us to do anything. he stays at my house a few nights a week and eats everything i have in my fridge, showers at mine and drives my car everywhere. I thought this was ok at first but now its driving me mad, he has a good job but says he doesn't earn much money and that his outgoings are more than mine ( i have 3 kids) His mum does everything for him such as washing and ironing, cleaning his house, even feeding his son. He hasn't got any money whilst with me but as soon as his son appears and wants something he gives it to him. I have a part time job which pays rubbish and the benefits i get go towards the running of the house.....i've tried dropping hints to him about how my water bill has gone up and so on but he just ignores it! i've stopped going out with my friends coz he doesnt lilke it. He wants to know what im doing and where i am constantly. He says he loves me more than anything and even tho i consider myself to be bright and outgoing something in me has changed and i am beginning to lose all faith in him as a guy expecting me to do everything for him. he seemed to manage just fine when he was married and his wife didnt work so what has changed? i know your going to tell me im a pushover but i am a bit lost with what to do other then end it.
yeah i know the answer. its just a difficult one to ask as he's always seemed so loving and caring towards me. Now i realise its the control hes gaining! im not going to say anything else about him coz i look like a complete tit. i have all the clarification i need now so i can sort myself out! I have booked a holiday for me and the kids tho so at least thats something to look forward to. thanks for the honest responses x
Good luck. It's worth being prepared for trouble, I'm afraid - a man like this, who thinks that women exist for his benefit and should be grateful for his attention, may refuse to leave you alone. As he doesn't live with you and you have no DC with him, you can involve the police if he pesters you with phone calls or turns up uninvited and won't go away. DOn't be scared to do it if it's necessary.
Adding my voice to the chorus of LTB. He is massively taking advantage and it's only going to get worse, not better, if you stay with him.
If you're not ready to break up with him yet then stop "dropping hints" and give him rules and an ultimatum. He must contribute - financially and in other ways too. Ask how much money he gets paid and what he does with it. You've been together over 2 years, it's reasonable you should know. If he won't tell you - the relationship clearly isn't going anywhere, is it?
Get in touch with your old friends and start seeing them again. NEVER give up your friends for a man. It's his way of isolating you and getting you emotionally dependent on him.
But I think, now you've started to see him for what he is, you'll realise that there's no future in it so you might as well get rid now as later.
Oh and you do NOT look like a complete tit. You look like someone honest and genuine and trusting and nice. It happens to the best of us. They spin this web of love and romance and kindness and saying all the things you want to hear, (and the sob story about the XW having affairs and leaving poor ickle innocent him - which may be true but you haven't heard her side of it) and you fall for it. There's no shame in that. But now you have seen the light - hallelujah!