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Collaborative Law Process or stick to traditional Divorce route??

(5 Posts)
lilaloves Mon 03-Nov-14 10:22:13

Hi,dh left 4 months ago,he is in a relationship with OW ,things were amicable to begin with,but have taken a turn for the worst over lies about OW,denial of a realtionship etc.
Ok,so i've had two meeting with solicitor,he is very keen for us to try the collaborative law process,which is basically me,Dh,and our solicitors in meetings together trying to sort out a way forward financially,the kids,house etc.Has anyone been through this process?

My solicitor seems to think its a more amicable and fair way to do things,But I'm not sure dh deserves to be treated fairly! Dh is the last person I want to sit in a room with after how he has treated myself and dcs.
I had said I'm willing to conider this approach as I really want our dc to hopefully have two parents who can try and work together,its just so hard as I despise the man at the moment.
I keep reading that you need to get a really tough solicitor in these situations,is this softly softly approach going to get me this best possible outcome?
Dh has really walked all over me,left me out of the blue with 3 kids,his financial proposal is a joke,and he continues to lie through his teeth.

If he doesn't agree to collaboration,we just have to stick to traditional letter back and forth through solicitors,which would at least mean I wouldn't have to see him.
I also feel I could stand up to him more,if that makes sense,I worry I will back down when in a room with him,distance seems to make me more detached,Any advice?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Nov-14 10:30:16

It's always worth trying the collaborative route because it's considerably cheaper and potentially less acrimonious than the alternatives. However, it's a negotiation so you have to go into it being very sure of your requirements, very well-informed and knowing precisely what you are prepared and not prepared to compromise on.

If your ex turns out to be unreasonable, dishonest or uncooperative then you may end up going with the solicitors' letters approach. But give mediation a shot first.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Nov-14 10:31:26

Should clarify... when I say 'very well-informed' I mean expert information from your solicitor rather than elsewhere.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Nov-14 10:35:54

Another thought. There is a type of mediation called 'shuttle mediation' which means the two parties never actually meet. That might be something you could explore with your solicitor.

NoMarymary Mon 03-Nov-14 10:42:19

It's a lot cheaper and unless you have the additional finances to waste go for mediation. If you are unsure of his financial position and suspect him of lying, hiding money and similar deceitful then you need a solicitor to guide you step by step. If you own solicitor is advising this maybe the financial side is fairly straightforward?

When it comes to divorce leave the emotional side at the door. Solicitors are the most expensive counsellors ever.

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