Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

anyone out there broken up but still living together

(9 Posts)
edgarsuit Sun 02-Nov-14 22:15:36

Dp and I have been in a rubbish relationship for a.while now and have both resigned to the fact that we r well and truly over....
I don't know how he feels (one of the reasons we broke up )but I just don't feel that way about him anymore.. All the big terminal relationship ship feelings Ie, I don't trust him (not to cheat but he lies to get out of stuff) , we have no conversation left at all, and I am just not attracted to him at all anymore there is no spark or passion left whatsoever

We r both in agreement it's over but we have some house /money commitments that mean he has nowhere to live and I can't get single claim just yet --long story but that's how it is for now.
We will be living together with our 2 dcs until at least Feb/March time and I need some help with how to cope /deal/ stay said and keep boundaries

Please confused

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Nov-14 22:26:27

Sorry you're in this situation. Maybe a constructive way to approach it is to agree to be separate but civil for the sake of the children?

springchickennolonger Sun 02-Nov-14 23:51:33

I'm in a similar situation. I agree with Cogito. I'd look at the areas of potential conflict (such as being together in the house at the same time) and work on those. I've set myself up with a telly and kettle in my bedroom, and have pretty much sole use of a bathroom. I check if he's likely to be at home and either arrange to be out or stay in the bedroom. If dd is home we share the facilities mostly as it's easier to remain civil then, for some reason. It takes discipline, though, and a cool head, in my experience.

kentishgirl Mon 03-Nov-14 09:25:17

I did this for a year. Had my own room, sofa/TV etc in there (just, amazing what you can cram in when you have to), lived in that one room basically. We didn't have children. Our schedules meant that we were not often there at the same time (he was away every other week and most weekends). Still difficult, although it seemed 'ok' at the time, the relief when I moved out and got my own place was amazing. Don't let it drag on, that's my advice. Start to live like housemates - own spaces, own areas of fridge/cupboards, not shopping/cooking for each other.

edgarsuit Mon 03-Nov-14 10:15:10

That's a really good idea spring as there are some days when he is fine and some when he just hunts for an argument weather the children are around or not.
For example last night we all had a nice dinner together and then he went to the car to get some bits out came back up and was difficult for the rest of the night... I had to go to bed at 8.45 (and mumsneton my phone ) to get away from him.

The trouble is we currently live in a 2bed flat and dd sleeps in our room so it's not easy to get away from one another.

We have conversations about being civil and making the best of it but that is always a great idea in theory hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Nov-14 10:23:09

If he can't even be civil for a few months for the sake of his own DD, then he's not a very good father is he? I don't know what the financial barriers are that you mentioned earlier but I would be shifting heaven and earth to bring forward his exit.

yougotafriend Mon 03-Nov-14 10:50:17

I'm in this situation and it's horrible. (He tried to lock me out on Friday night) it's been like this for 6 weeks now with him doing his jekyll & Hyde act. I will be out by the end of the month (please God I'll be out by the end of the month)

hellsbellsmelons Mon 03-Nov-14 10:59:28

Been there and done that.
Had to live with my cheating exH for 6 months before he could move out.
It was hell.
I went to the gym a lot. Visited my parents with my DD most weekends and stayed over. Or went out with friends of sister and stayed out.
I just did my best to keep out of the house as much as possible.
The relief when he left was immense.
The OW was in another country that he was moving to as well.
So I had the excuse that he needed to spend as much time with DD as possible before he left.
We also had spare rooms so I didn't have the problem of having to share a bed or bedroom with him.

edgarsuit Mon 03-Nov-14 11:15:03

Dp sleeps on the sofa most nights but it's a teeny two seater if he is making an effort he does ocassionly sleep in the bedI think he is picking up a sofa bed this week tho ... I am really worried about confusing dc's so we haven't told them anything as they r 1and4.... So it's difficult to just keep separate and keep up the happy family act for there sake.... especially with ds birthday next week and Xmas coming up we will still be in this situation.

I have told one friend, and I think he has told 1 friend. Other than that everyone thinks we are one big happy family.

Our families are not that forthcoming with help or support at anytime so telling them will probably just cause excess angst.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now