Joint custody arrangements...?

[BostonIvy]

Dh and I are separated. We have 3 DC 3, 6 and 9. I have DC throughout the week, then on Friday eve they go to dh, stay the weekend and I collect them from school on Monday.

Dh has decided it's too much him having DC all weekend, and would like me to have them for one day and night at the weekend.

I am in a new relationship and he says he has a right to do the same but in order to do that he will need some time to himself...

Is he being unreasonable?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The test of what is reasonable is whether the arrangement is in the best interests of the children rather than the parents especially. I don't know what restrictions there are on you both geographically. If you're not too far apart you may be able to rearrange so that you trade some week nights for weekends.

[Ratbagcatbag]

I don't think so, also it means you do all the grind but get no down time with them.

We did/do (dss now 16 so much less formal)

Week one
Tues - round for tea
Weds - stay overnight, before school club used thurs am
Friday night over night, back at mums for 5pm sat tea.

Week two
As above - except no Friday night, pick up at sat 5pm, return sun 5pm.
Worked really well for us.

[Castlemilk]

The 'norm' would actually be every other weekend, yes - but with him having them some time including an overnight during the week, every week.

If you think about it this is in the best interests of the children - at the moment, they don't really get any non-school 'downtime' at home, with you.

[PoundingTheStreets]

Do you live close to each other? I don't think your current arrangements are advisable TBH, although that's just my opinion. I think it sets you and your X in opposing roles, where you get the daily drudge of cooking tea, supervising homework, making sure uniform is ready, making any doctor/dentist appointments, etc. You don't get to have fun days out, or just relax at home with your DC. Your X on the other hand is cast in the role of the entertainer where rules can be relaxed because it's the weekend. As your DC get older, this could create a real clash of parenting styles.

If you live close by, you may find it better to alternate weekends but have your X pick up more during the week?

[PoundingTheStreets]

X posts with everyone else saying the same thing.

[BostonIvy]

Thanks all