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I am currently packing his stuff. Am I overreacting?

(161 Posts)
NorrisCole Sun 02-Nov-14 19:39:19

I have had enough.

He was using the tablet over the weekend and left his Facebook logged in. He is in the pub and messages started popping up on the tablet for his Facebook account.

It was a woman I've never heard of or met but from the messages written it's an ex of his.

She was saying how he hadn't changed and how was he etc. He mentioned he had a daughter now but had been split up from me for over a year and lived on his own in a flat in his old hometown.

As far as I'm concerned we are very much together and things have been going fantastic. It fekt like a massive smack in the face and I feel so hurt and deflated . Messages have been clean but he's maintaining he's single and shes asking to meet up or for his number. He hasn't replied yet.

I do so so much for him and for him to just make out I'm not there and he's on his own is so hurtful and completely disrespectful. No mention of his stepdaughter dd1 who adores him just that he gets dd2 every second weekend.

I don't know whether to confront him now by phone or wait until he comes home.

He will completely deny it and say his Facebook was hacked even though I have taken sceeenshot and it's obviously him. We have been in this situation before and I forgave him.

I would never say I was single. I always acknowledge my partner of 5 years and my head has honestly never been turned. He is obviously playing the single card hoping to get a Shag or a new girlfriend out of it.

I am quite calm but I'm not sure how calm I'll be when he lies to my face when he comes home and I don't want to explode when dds are here.

I can't believe I've let him fool me again. I honestly thought things were getting better and out relationship has been brilliant recently. How stupid am I sad

26Point2Miles Sun 02-Nov-14 19:42:01

He's a lost cause op

So sorry

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Nov-14 19:42:29

Sorry you've been so badly let down. If he's done this kind of thing before he's lost all credibility and I don't think it's overreacting to throw someone out that you can't trust.

Sparkletastic Sun 02-Nov-14 19:43:04

No you are not over-reacting. He has completely betrayed you. What a tool.

TheWildRumpyPumpus Sun 02-Nov-14 19:46:07

If he has done it before, and he's doing it now then its a sure thing that he will do it again. Sorry OP but get out now with your head held high - you can do so much better than this idiot.

NorrisCole Sun 02-Nov-14 19:46:20

I just can't believe he is willing to throw away a good relationship, house and life together for potentially nothing really.

I suppose I'm just thankful we recently moved back to my hometown so I've got my parents, sister and friends nearby to help me.

I'm not letting him back. I have no trust at all and absolutely no respect for him. I can't love someone like that. I deserve better it's about time I started to believe that.

Sparkletastic Sun 02-Nov-14 19:53:46

Good for you Norris - you absolutely deserve better. He's an idiot throwing it all away on the off-chance of a free shag.

paxtecum Sun 02-Nov-14 19:58:29

Norris, no you're not over reacting.

For some men, everything isn't enough.
They just want more and more.
He wants his life with you and a bit of excitement on the side.

Don't be fooled by his excuses.

Best wishes to you.

TwoNoisyBoys Sun 02-Nov-14 19:59:49

No, you're not over reacting AT ALL. You're doing the exact right thing, and I hope that you see it through and give him what he deserves. You say that this has happened before and you forgave reminds me of a saying my dad told me once when I was with ExH....
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...."
(Pity I didn't listen and spent 16 years being fooled! Ah well.......I'm sorted now!)
Good luck OP.....sending you lots of positive thoughts and strength smile

theposterformallyknownas Sun 02-Nov-14 20:03:11

can you not post something on fb, ending in the words
thank you for telling everyone you have left me over fb, your belongings are in the garden.
Can you lock the doors so he can't get in?
Let him find somewhere else to sleep.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sun 02-Nov-14 20:06:13

You are definitely not overreacting. He is deliberately trying to have an affair. I wouldn't discuss it with him at all, I just wouldn't let him back into the house. He'll figure it out eventually.

NorrisCole Sun 02-Nov-14 20:06:34

He removed me from Facebook a couple of weeks ago, around the time he accepted her friends request... That's how low he stooped.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sun 02-Nov-14 20:07:15

Or copy and paste the conversation and post it as your Facebook status, tagging him in it, then don't let him back into your house.

Castlemilk Sun 02-Nov-14 20:09:05

No you are not overreacting.

Please don't waste any more of your time on this person.

I'd pack his stuff, put it outside and tell him that you had no idea he was actually living alone in a flat in his old town, but, silly you, your mistake - anyway you've kindly packed his bags with the stuff he'd mistakenly left at yours, you know, his old place that he hasn't actually lived in for a year, as you're sure he'll be in a hurry tonight to get back to his solo flat, get the dinner on, you know, all that stuff one has to do oneself when one lives alone. Stuff's outside so he doesn't even need to come in, he can get going straight away.

pippinleaf Sun 02-Nov-14 20:09:48

I wouldn't bother with collecting evidence - who's that for? You know what he's done - whether he denies it or admits it makes no odds. You're not overreacting by packing his stuff. I just hope you're not folding it. What a tosser.

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole Sun 02-Nov-14 20:10:16

What a twat

You do know it's nearly bonfire night don't you op

Quitelikely Sun 02-Nov-14 20:10:29

You poor thing. This must be awful. Tbh I don't know how you can come back from this. What you have together at the moment is not enough for him otherwise he wouldn't be snooping around. Well that's the way I would feel if this happened to me.

Will he be drunk when he gets back?

Castlemilk Sun 02-Nov-14 20:10:52

Oh and forget about him denying it, blah, whatever - it makes no difference. You can choose to dump him any time you want for any reason you want. So, let him go on about being hacked, whatever he wants to say - at the end of it, you can say, yes, tragic. How awful for you. You're still dumped.

Xoticdreamz Sun 02-Nov-14 20:13:57

When is he due back ?
You are worth so much more , I'm glad you have family around you.
For me personally this would break all my trust and I would really struggle to regain it .

Vivacia Sun 02-Nov-14 20:16:04

It's very tempting to suggest ways of getting a kick in via his account, I'll try to resist. I hope you're ok OP. I admire your drawing a line in the sand.

prettywhiteguitar Sun 02-Nov-14 20:16:44

What an absolute arsehole. I wouldn't be letting him back in the house.

Get his shite in a bin bag and leave a note outside the front door saying " I saw your FB conversation it's over. Fuck off "

EverythingCounts Sun 02-Nov-14 20:16:47

No, you're not overreacting. And I would be inclined to post a reply, since you are there logged in as him to her saying, 'This is X's wife and everything he's told you is rubbish, plus there's a lot that he's left out about other family members,. so good luck with that - I'm just packing his bags so I'm well rid'. She may as well know the truth and he's asked for it.

EverythingCounts Sun 02-Nov-14 20:20:21

Having lied about being split up from you is enough in itself to show this is unacceptable behaviour. There is no reason that could justify that.

AlpacaYourThings Sun 02-Nov-14 20:20:43

I'm so sorry to hear that, OP.

Have you considered what you will do when he gets home? Will you talk to him? He may be drunk...

NorrisCole Sun 02-Nov-14 20:22:18

I was considering sending her a message to introduce myself and let her know what she's getting into but on the other hand I might just let her find out for herself in due course.

His stuff is on the front steps, I am just going to text him telling him to collect it and use the suggestion someone posted earlier regarding how eager he must be to get back to his flat

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