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Is anyone else pee'd off that their EX is dating and has a smile on his face?

(23 Posts)
Joywillcome Sun 02-Nov-14 16:14:48

Just that really. Been struggling after we split officially in July ........ he's happily dating and gets to see the kids as and when he wants................. and well, I just sat here still. Tried dating sites and all the other stuff. Sigh.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 02-Nov-14 16:30:59

Why did you split?

jasper Sun 02-Nov-14 16:36:52

was the split mutually agreed?

Castlemilk Sun 02-Nov-14 16:39:59

As and when he wants can stop, then?

First thing, firm up a contact schedule that suits both YOU and him.

No to dropping by into your home, your space.

Yes to planning ahead so you both know where you are.

As to dating - who cares? He's your ex. Forget him.

Joywillcome Sun 02-Nov-14 16:51:05

Yes - split was mutual in the sense that we couldn't go on as we were (no trust) and I was getting very hurt.

We plan a calendar month in advance - children always want to see him, so in that sense he gets to pick and choose.

Castlemilk - I would love not to care, and I have tried soooooooo hard. Wish I could just flick a switch.

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Sun 02-Nov-14 16:52:34

Oh yes, that's normal. They should be miserable forever and longing for me. They really should.

Joywillcome Sun 02-Nov-14 16:55:14

Patronising - made me laugh because that's actually what I would like him to be feeling .......

PoundingTheStreets Sun 02-Nov-14 16:57:41

Why was there no trust? Unless he's had a personality transplant, he will probably repeat the mistakes he made with you in his next relationship. Which means that even though any new partner of his may put up with it and so it seems to the outside world that he has a happy, stable relationship, the reality will be that he can never know the joy of a truly solid relationship where each partner genuinely loves the other and has their back. Can you take some comfort in that?

Joywillcome Sun 02-Nov-14 18:07:59

No trust .... because he feel in love with someone else early on in our relationship (we were together 9 years) - following an argument shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer - he took the kids and stayed with his parents for a week.

poundingthestreets he made out that I was toxic and that we had nothing in common - and now he is seeing a friend that he has come to love!! Kinda makes me feel that maybe I was the one with the problem if he can move on into a good relationship.

Sorry - sunday night blues!

Crushed2914 Sun 02-Nov-14 18:51:31

I'm in the same place thanks

hamptoncourt Sun 02-Nov-14 19:38:41

If you only split in July then these are very raw feelings OP. You do not sound anywhere ready for another relationship so I would stop with the online dating etc

Give yourself time, be kind to yourself,do stuff you enjoy with friends when he has the DC, plan a holiday if funds allow.

thanks

Frogisatwat Sun 02-Nov-14 19:53:46

Yes I feel the same. He cheated on me and yet he is in a happy smiley place with the ow. Im on my own with my alsatian and one bar electric fire. Fuckwit.

whyMe2014 Sun 02-Nov-14 22:07:27

I used to believe in karma but my husband left me in August for the OW and he appears to be like a pig in shit! (sorry he's a policeman as well).

I sit here night after night looking after his children while he's having the time of his life. I have the housework and the border collie to keep me company!

I hope that one day he will be hurt like he hurt me and my girls but I don't think he is capable of feeling anything.

You're not the one with the problem you are just not ready to move on yet. We all progress at our own pace. Give yourself a break.

Sending you a hug and support.

Joywillcome Mon 03-Nov-14 15:25:09

Gosh ....... there are so many of us, sat here like me. I work with him as well so see most days - texting away on his little phone with a smile on his face ..............ggrrrrrrr.

And yes, I too have the house work children - and part time job, whilst he has a HUGE wage and a life! I have tried so hard to find a 'life' for me but it's all exhausting as my friends have families.

It's awful but I day dream, that the new women will see what he's like and dump him, he'll realise that me and the children where the best thing in his life ....... want me back ....... and then BANG ..... I'm happy with someone else.

Clearly not healthy thoughts so my counsellor has told me!!!! No but it makes me feel a little better.

Joywillcome Mon 03-Nov-14 15:27:33

OH ......... my other little day dream is that I hire a gorgeous man to answer the door to him the next time he turns up to collect the kids.

Mad, I'm just blinking Mad.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 03-Nov-14 15:34:57

I couldn't join any online dating sites even if I wanted to. Stbx is on them ALL. hmm And if he is the calibre they are aspiring to, I don't want to join. grin

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Mon 03-Nov-14 15:35:36

my other little day dream is that I hire a gorgeous man to answer the door to him the next time he turns up to collect the kids.

grin Nothing saying you can't.

Joywillcome Mon 03-Nov-14 15:35:57

crushed I remember your post - you had a 3wo baby and the git was having an emotional affair - Im so sorry. Are you on your own now then?

AmserGwin Mon 03-Nov-14 16:29:31

I'm in the same boat. We split last Xmas, and this weekend he took our two Dc's to meet his new GF. He hadn't seen them for a month before that.
You need to organise some nights out/weekends with your friends. Just because the kids live with you, doesn't mean you can't 'have a life' too. It's hard isn't it? But I would hate it if he did want the kids every weekend tbh

Crushed2914 Mon 03-Nov-14 16:46:44

joy yes I am & he lied it was a full blown sexual affair. They're in love apparantly & me & DD are well & truly out the picture. They're really happy now, bully for them.

davejudgement Mon 03-Nov-14 17:29:38

I wouldn't hesitate to hire the gorgeous man. You'll have fun with that.

You know he will probably come running when you move on. At which point you will realise as will he that you just don't need to settle for second best.

No man is worth it unless he absolutely adores you

Cabrinha Mon 03-Nov-14 18:32:23

Big hugs.
Yesterday my ex's new gf (not OW, his OWomen were all paid for) tweeted a photo of some baking they'd done with my child and hers, all displayed on the kitchen worktop colour that I chose, my old home that I let him stay in for my child's sake (reducing upheaval)
I don't so much mind another woman seeing my child and using my kitchen, as the anger that a disgusting piece of shit like him gets to play happy families when (a) it's a fucking act and he never did anything with her before and (b) he's already fucking prostitutes behind her back too, poor woman.

And yeah - I shouldn't look at her tweets. But it's hard not to when someone you don't know is spending time with your child.

I'm actually happy in life, and far happier without him. But it still makes me angry that he isn't on his own, because he doesn't deserve a relationship. So big hugs to you!

You just have to focus on the happiness in your own life. At the very least, you don't have that arsehole in it, so don't tell me there's nothing happy!!

Joywillcome Mon 03-Nov-14 20:38:44

amser so he was just taking your DC out to show off to his NG - Nice. I hope she wonders why such a wonderful (yeah right) man only see's his children every 4 weeks!!! Selfish. Even if you hate them it still feels like a kick in the stomach when they take them off like that. Hugs x

Crushed I am so sorry - what a total bastard - I remember at the time I read your post that he was totally hideous to do that to you with a new born. I hope my lovely that your coping ok. xx

Cabrinha I came off of Twitter when we split because I couldn't stop looking at his and her tweets - yesterday she posted one of him and my two children - boy that upset me (shouldn't have drank the wine and looked - note to self: drink more wine until incapable of switching on laptop!).

I so so want to breakfree and not give a damn what is happening in his life - ive tried to get a life myself but it's just not that easy. Good days and bad days I guess. But I just long for that smug smile to be removed (without the use of a hit man) of his bloody face!

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