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Ex is sending disturbing texts

(41 Posts)
Birra Sun 02-Nov-14 16:14:04

Saying goodbye and sorry
And "tell ds that daddy is proud if him

He's always threatening suicide, telling me I can have it all when he is dead.

Yesterday was ds's birthday, which we spent together. It was awful. We had a huge row later on. He called my mother a possessive witch, because we celebrated his birthday with my family, because we were visiting there.
He carried it on this morning. He was vile, telling me that he will fight me in the courts, telling me what lies he will tell. He will resign and use all the equity in the house to fight me. Or he will get signed off with stress. He's had advice, apparently.

He's a serial cheat, liar(huge lies ), manipulative, emotional abuse. Whores, strippers, online NSA sex, websites etc.

I loathe this man
I don't know what he wants from me
He doesn't want ds, he likes the idea of him, but the reality is too much, he can't deal with him.
It's all about power and control over me.
I'm ignoring the messages, is that the right thing to do ?

gamerchick Sun 02-Nov-14 16:15:14


DioneTheDiabolist Sun 02-Nov-14 16:17:11

Ignore (don't delete), or call the police tell them your Ex is threatening suicide and give them his address. Do not respond.

mynewpassion Sun 02-Nov-14 16:18:09

Or call his parents or a close friend, if you know them, to check on him.

Joywillcome Sun 02-Nov-14 16:18:16

Yes - ignore. He can't keep on if he doesn't get a response. He will then stop at some point. Big hug x

ovaryhill Sun 02-Nov-14 16:18:16

Yes completely ignore, turn your phone off

Whereisegg Sun 02-Nov-14 16:19:51

Ignore, but save.

bloodyteenagers Sun 02-Nov-14 16:19:55

Just ignore him and keep every single message he sends, so if he ever carries out the threat of taking you to court, you have evidence.

Fontella Sun 02-Nov-14 16:28:58

Ignore, don't respond but document everything. Keep texts, emails, notes of verbal exchanges, write everything down. Keep a detailed diary record of everything he says and does, backed up with as much evidential proof as you can.

Sunna Sun 02-Nov-14 16:30:25

Another voice saying ignore.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Nov-14 16:39:35

Ignore and also make a mental note not to include him in any more family events. He abused the privilege.

Castlemilk Sun 02-Nov-14 16:43:12

Ignore the texts.

Keep them all and document every comment, threat, abusive remark.

Personally I would phone 101, give them his details and tell them he's threatening suicide, simply because this will be important to have on record if there is ever any issue with contact and you want evidence which will support you restricting his contact to safer margins, eg daytime/supervised. So really think about doing that. It will also possibly have the effect of putting the mockers on any more of that nonsense, having the cops turn up to find out what's going on and seeing him happily watching x factor grin

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Sun 02-Nov-14 16:54:05

Tell 101, and follow the rest of the advice above.

HexBramble Sun 02-Nov-14 16:56:00

Same advice from me, including that call to 101.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 02-Nov-14 16:57:41

Ignore and 101 definitely.

If only to have a record of it.

MellowAutumn Sun 02-Nov-14 17:00:22

As above smile

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 02-Nov-14 17:00:45

Like everyone else has said ignore but keep the texts as evidence. In the unlikely event he tries to get custody of your ds you have proof that he is unstable.

Do not engage in this with him if he actually was feeling suicidal chances are he wouldn't be texting you about it. To be honest though I would have serious reservations about allowing him to have your ds unsupervised.

CalamityKate1 Sun 02-Nov-14 17:03:22

Call 101.
Cross your fingers he isn't bluffing.

FrauHelga Sun 02-Nov-14 17:05:27

Oh ignore him he's just trying to get a reaction out of you.

Or call the non-emergency police and let them deal with him.

Whatever you do, don't engage.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sun 02-Nov-14 17:07:19

It was a long time ago now but I had an ex boyfriend who did the same after we split up, it was awful but in the end I phoned his mum and dad and told them everything. They were horrified and furious with him. Funnily enough the suicide threats ended that very night.

Birra Sun 02-Nov-14 19:46:12

I haven't responded
He hasn't got any family here, a couple of friends I could call, but I don't want to get them involved and who knows what he's said to them about me anyway.

I was keeping all texts, but unfortunately deleted the list recently! I have enough, although he's usually quite reasonable, as if he knows I could use it against him.

Birra Mon 03-Nov-14 10:06:19

Well, he's still alive and well
And asking me if I want to have a nice dinner this week!
I'm going to have to do something about this.

AnyFawker Mon 03-Nov-14 10:16:51

Stop engaging with him, and stop playing Happy Families with him.

GoatsDoRoam Mon 03-Nov-14 10:17:06

I'm going to have to do something about this.

The only thing you can do is set very clear and firm limits.

No engaging whatsoever - let his delusional messages fall on deaf ears.

And have a formalised contact arrangement for DS, if you don't have one already, that you stick to to the letter, and that you enforce: ie. he gets no contact with DS when he tries to muck with the terms (which he will, out of his perverse desire to control you).

And no more days out with all 3 of you: all he gets to see of you is your face at the door on the days where he has pre-arranged contact with DS, for handovers and nothing more.

FrauHelga Mon 03-Nov-14 10:19:23

Why on earth are so bothered about protecting him?

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