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Guilt

(20 Posts)
Odessa88 Sun 02-Nov-14 10:36:21

Long story short...
I am not normally a dishonest person.
Got very very drunk and had a drunken kiss with a guy though I have a bf.
I am incredibly sorry and I feel awful.
There was no sex but I still feel like ive cheated (which I honestly feel I have).
I know my bf will leave me and dont know if/how to say something.
Please be kind!
Im usually a good person and I am absolutely ashamed and sickened by my actions.
Please can anyone help?

Dowser Sun 02-Nov-14 10:48:54

Yes, put it down to experience.

You feel awful, doesn't sound like you'll do it again .

Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes.

Others might think differently but it doesn't sound like any serious harm has been done.

Maybe there's a lesson to be learned and that is only drink to a certain limit and then you won't find yourself in this situation ( or worse) again.

Personally I wouldn't tell my bf, I would just faithfully promise to myself that I would never let it happen again, the drinking too much and the drunken snog!

Levismum Sun 02-Nov-14 10:58:20

I agree with Dowser. Stay away from the drink!

It was only a kiss.

Sickoffrozen Sun 02-Nov-14 11:04:09

Chalk it up to experience, learn for it and move on.

Odessa88 Sun 02-Nov-14 11:28:58

Thank u all x
I know I would be upset and im worried anyone saw me and it gets back.
I can swear though it wont happen again. I feel so awful its eating me up but I dont want to fall out over it.

King1982 Sun 02-Nov-14 17:13:27

I think you should give your boyfriend the opportunity to decide what happens.

Butterflyface Sun 02-Nov-14 17:17:33

Yeah, I think you might need to 'fess up about this, but it was just a kiss, and only the one, so fingers crossed your bf will see that your relationship is worth more than one cock-up. (Sorry, no pun intended). I think if it were me, and DH confessed to kissing someone drunkenly once, I'd be mad, but I would forgive it. If he slept with someone though, that would be different. But, please do bear in mind this is just my opinion, and I have an XP who cheated on me repeatedly over 12 years to the extent where it became normalised and expected. Thankfully DH and I are completely not like that!

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Sun 02-Nov-14 17:18:28

keep quiet. hush. it never happened.

PoundingTheStreets Sun 02-Nov-14 17:27:35

How long have you been with your BF and what is your relationship like? Why do you think you were attracted to someone else?

What (other than alcohol) were the risk factors you can identify from this situation that you know you'll have to avoid in future?

If you decide not to tell him, will you be able to handle the guilt? Will it change your behaviour anyway, or make you more willing to overlook any transgressions on your BF's part? Bear in mind that either could create a very unhealthy relationship dynamic.

If you tell, will it be because you want to give your BF a truly informed choice or because you want to offload the guilt and make it someone else's responsibility?

Mull those questions over and you'll probably find the answer becoming obvious to you. Good luck.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Nov-14 17:42:09

'Least said soonest mended'. Stop beating yourself up, put on your big girl pants and maybe have a bit of a rethink about alcohol. Pissed people do some really stupid things.

Blahdeblah111 Sun 02-Nov-14 17:43:08

I did something similar - didn't tell, but I did question the reasons why and it forced me to look at my relationship and, in the end we split up for the reasons that contributed to me kissing someone else. Although XP still doesn't know.

itsalldownhill Sun 02-Nov-14 17:52:04

Its so weird, long time lurker never poster but today I found out my husband has cheated on me with apparently a kiss and a fumble last night. I am devastated. I am in shock. We have children. What is even worse and I am honestly not being a bitch but she is not attractive. I keep asking myself why?
I can't offer you too much advice but have to say you were totally out of order although perhaps not as much as a married man with kids.

With all that is going through my head as the hurt party is why? Why did you do this, do you want an out?

You know you are seriously in the wrong. Think seriously if you love this guy. Don't go any further if you don't because life is too short and then when kids are involved it gets really messy and incredibly painful and messy!!

We have all made mistakes op but please think about how you feel about dp before you cause real pain or get hurt yourself.

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Sun 02-Nov-14 22:41:37

^ I am honestly not being a bitch but she is not attractive. I keep asking myself why^

because she was there and available.

Drumdrum60 Sun 02-Nov-14 23:10:54

Under no circumstances tell your dp. Under no circumstances tell your dp.

It didn't happen. And it won't didn't happen again.

Drumdrum60 Sun 02-Nov-14 23:11:32

Live with it.

Minus2seventy3 Sun 02-Nov-14 23:45:27

Love it...
A couple of days ago, a woman posted on here that her husband had kissed a girl when drunk, then fessed up about it. There followed eight pages of what a cheating shit he is, and a chorus of LTB.
Here, you're being told "shush, don't tell, it never happened..."

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Sun 02-Nov-14 23:50:17

Kissing has never been a fidelity issue. Everyone does it
One of my comments on the other thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2221590-How-to-feel-when-your-partner-kisses-someone-else#50383140
Check if you like.

Minus2seventy3 Mon 03-Nov-14 00:09:43

patronising - then you are, at least, consistent. I don't share that view, but everyone's different.
Point stands though, yours and a very few other posts aside, that the overwhelming consensus on the other thread was to end a 12yr marriage over a kiss.
As for the OP, it is, I guess, for her conscience. Only she knows her partner, she can best judge whether a confession would threaten her relationship irreparably, or it's something they could work through.
To add a personal note, I know DW kissed an old flame early in our relationship. We're still together, but it was a close run thing at the time.

Odessa88 Tue 04-Nov-14 18:54:11

Im sorry I feel like I should apologise for being such a bitch.
Those who have been on the receiving end I am genuinely sorry you went through that.
I did take yr advice re asking if its true love and I do love him though there have been issues with porn and touchy feely with work mates (caught a drunk dry hump when picking him up on a nights out).
I couldnt honestly say after thinking long and hard if I trust him 100%-though thats totally no excuse for my actions.
Usually im a walk away before u stray kinda gal but this is complicated, I do genuinely want to make this work.

LadyLuck10 Tue 04-Nov-14 19:24:41

I totally agree with minus.
Double standards. A man would be absolutely be called an awful, cheating, twat but a woman must 'chalk it up to experience'.
It's cheating no matter which way you dress it up. Tell your partner and leave it up to him to decide.

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