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Feeling happier after break up...will it last?

(14 Posts)
nextyearsgirl Sun 02-Nov-14 02:57:32

I split with my DS's dad not too long ago after 8 years together. The split was his idea/he left me little choice. I had known things were bad for a while but had always dreaded being single and/or single mum. But, having just come back from my first big function (very old friend's wedding) solo, and, having found the past few weeks utterly blissful, am I genuinely happier single or just waiting for the 'other shoe to drop'?
I think I stayed in an unhappy relationship for so long out of fear of being single I keep thinking the reality must be harder that what I have been through in the past while.

nextyearsgirl Sun 02-Nov-14 03:03:56

Hi, just reread that. I don't mean single parents have it easy, I meant is it really this much better that shit relationship with no support? Or will I come crashing down at some point in the next few weeks!

merlehaggard Sun 02-Nov-14 03:23:20

I'm sure you will, a bit, but you'll have to just remind yourself why are better off now and then pick yourself up again. You'll probably be a bit up and down but it sounds like it's very much for the best. My mum used to say " any one can bend down and pick up nothing" meaning anyone can have any someone in their lives, but why would you want that? You are much better off waiting to find someone who really makes you happy-and in the meantime, there's nothing wrong with being with no one. Best of luck.

overslept Sun 02-Nov-14 04:11:47

I split from a 5 year relationship and as soon as I did I felt amazing. It had got so bad we just argued/bickered for the sake of it. Nothing hugely extreme but it was almost daily so really tiresome. Realised I had stopped caring all together about what he said good or bad and I was just milling through every day. He thought I'd never have the balls to leave him and made comments like "you won't cope without me" when I asked him to leave. He didn't actually go for several months, in the end said "When I go and visit my family you will be on the phone every day saying you miss me and you want me to come back." So I didn't call him at all and told him not to come back, finally hit him I was serious and so he stayed there, came back once to collect his things.

The following months were amazing. I had the house how I wanted it. Listened to the music I liked. I went out with old friends who I hadn't seen in ages and went out for a meal for the first time in 5 years! Yeah he never took me out and didn't like me going places with friends or family. I spent my money on what I wanted without lectures. I felt like me again. I loved having friends over as I couldn't do that when he was there. Honestly no crashing because it was brilliant. Fingers crossed it will be the same for you.

Hueycool Sun 02-Nov-14 04:57:53

I never ever looked back following the split from ex. I've been single a long time and still I don't regret it. It's hard being a single parent but it's far better than enduring daily unhappiness. You might be surprised and never regret it.

MexicanSpringtime Sun 02-Nov-14 05:36:52

When I split from my dd's dad I was walking on clouds and I never looked back.

FolkGirl Sun 02-Nov-14 06:43:10

There will be down days. But 2 years on I'm still happier in the main. My downs don't last anywhere near as long as they used to, anyway...

I was walking on clouds to begin with too. It took a long time for me to adjust to the new normal; I felt elated pretty much constantly, and almost manic!

It's not that it's easy being a lone parent, it's just that it's so horrible being in a crappy relationship. When I read threads on here where women deel they can't leave, I really want to take them, like the ghost of christmas present, and show them just how good the alternative could be.

Enjoy it :-)

wallypops Sun 02-Nov-14 06:43:56

I found it entirely positive. He never helped in a helpful way, created work and drama. His mum was fantastic and came and got the kids if they got sick. Sorted out a good support network without him to fuck it up (although he did after about a year) and have been happy every day without him. I give thanks daily for his absence.

Handywoman Sun 02-Nov-14 07:36:49

Same here. God rid 18 months ago now and give thanks every day that he is not in the house. It is wonderful.

nextyearsgirl Sun 02-Nov-14 07:54:01

Thanks everyone. It helps to know it might actually just be this much easier! Don't know why I put up with all the lies and drama as long as I did now! Having seen a very good friend marry a lovely man she is head over heels for, I am beginning to see what was missing.

JustALittleBitLost Sun 02-Nov-14 10:18:21

I am 5 years on, have remained single, and have never been happier.

JustALittleBitLost Sun 02-Nov-14 10:18:31

Enjoy your new life!

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 02-Nov-14 10:24:31

I'm glad you are so much happier smile

If I were you, I'd take some time to write it all down. What was horrible about the relationship/him and then all of the positive things you have felt since separating. Why/how you feel so happy now.

It's affirming and you can read it if you do start to have any wobbles. Exes are good at realising the grass wasn't greener, then wanting you back, it can be hard to resist their attempts, especially when you have children.

Smilesandpiles Sun 02-Nov-14 14:37:22

4 years on and never been happier.

There's the odd day which I feel down and I've just come out of another lonely feeling moment but it's still good!

I've achieved so much since the split and learnt so much about myself that I'd have never known if I wasn't single. It's like an adventure sometimes. Priorities have changed, my opinions have changed, my self esteem has rocketed, although self confidence in some areas still needs improvment but I've done things and taken steps I never thought I'd take in a million years. If you told me even just two years I'd be applying for University I'd have laughed in your face. My self worth is off the chart. There is a determination and a drive I've never had before which makes me grateful he left me in the shit he did because without going through everything I did, I wouldn't be the person I am now, and I'm liking this person a damn sight more than the person I used to be.

I can honestly say, that relationship ending was the best thing that EVER happened to me. I'm a stronger, happier and better parent for it too.

The bad days are hard work, but everything I've just described and mentioned make it all worth while.

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