It all feels too much to handle

[fishfingersandwiches]

I recently discovered that I am in an abusive relationship, that my parents are abusive, and that this has probably contributed to the depression and self hatred that I have felt for most of my life. It was a shock I had no idea as always blamed myself.
I have a 11 month old ds, and have recently reluctantly gone back to work full time to a new boss who is a nightmare. Hearing lots of stories from others I work with about her, that she is a demanding princess. The workload is ridiculous and really stressful. We moved house a year ago and I have had pnd. The ADs do help but sometimes I feel like it's all too much.
I am still living with oh, he refuses to move out and I am so exhausted its not true. Don't have any family/friends nearby to help as I always isolate myself when things are bad I can't help it.
I have so many plans about making things better. I want to loose weight, start a business, find a part time job, be independent of oh, become more organised. Maybe have the chance to meet someone who treats me right one day, so that ds will grow up in a happy home environment. Sometimes I feel fired up about this and have grand plans. But at the weekends I am like a zombie eating lots of crap, feeling fat, and just trying to get through the day. I can't pull myself together. And I feel overwhelmed by all the washing/ housework that needs doing.
I am so unhappy.

I am tempted to do something desperate. Thinking of handing my notice in on Monday and just moving out of the house to my parents or something. But even that is like out of the frying pan into the fire.
Just can't see any light right now.

[Venticoffeecup]

When we are under a lot of pressure it is very tempting to do something big and drastic in order to release it. However this can be very damaging and not in our best interests in the long run.

I think the important thing is to take one step at a time and break everything down into smaller pieces.

If you are living with an abusive partner, you should contact Womens Aid who should be able to help you take the steps you need to take. Hopefully they will be able to get you out of your current living situation and into somewhere you will be protected.

If you are desperate contact the Samaritans so that you have someone to talk to.

I think that should be the first thing you focus on before anything else.

I wish you all the best.

[Quitelikely]

Your relationship status could be causing you more upset than you know.

Could you just move back to your parents but keep your job? This way maybe you wouldn't have so much housework to do and your parents might help out if you were to visit a gym on the evenings?

[fishfingersandwiches]

Thanks for your messages x
I think that yes, my relationship is quite literally draining me. After all that is his aim, no matter how distant I try to be.
And my boss is trying to blame and incriminate me unfairly for things going wrong. I just simply don't have the capacity right now to deal with this aswell.

i feel I should leave before things get worse.

[patronisingbitchinthewardrobe]

You are overwhelmed.

To the gp please, ask for urgent counselling before you have a breakdown. Try midwives also - they might be able to tell you where to get counselling relating to birth/pnd and they see you more quickly. The gp can also sign you off work with stress. That isn't weakness, its common sense in your position.

For the moment, put all your 'improvement plans' out of your mind. Onto the back burner, for later, when you are feeling stronger.

You and your ds are the most important. Talk to WomensAid, to citizens advice... find out about accommodation for you and the baby. You need somewhere to go that isn't with your husband or parents.

[hamptoncourt]

OP you sound completely overwhelmed and stressed.

I would suggest you get your GP to sign you off work for a bit so you can take one stressor away and then start sifting through the rest.

You say OH won't move out. Are you not married? Do you co- own a property or are you renting?

Is DS in nursery or does OH look after him when you are at work?

The overeating is a symptom of your distress and a way of self comforting. If your parents were/are abusive then I would be very wary of going there unless it is very short term and you are fully aware of their methods.

I second calling Womens Aid who should be able to give you advice about practical solutions.

Imagine yourself in a little flat with DS, just the two of you. Eating healthily, working part time in a job you enjoy. Maybe dating, eventually.

That is a future you can have OP but it starts with you taking back control.

Good luck

[fishfingersandwiches]

Thanks very much for your helpful replies everyone.
We aren't married and own a house together so maybe we will have to sell up and go our separate ways.
I did my cv this morning which has helped and I'm going to ping it off today.
I think getting signed off work might be an idea as I think that if I stay there it's going to undo all the good work I did before iykwim. Do you think it will affect my references thought? My old boss (same company) always rated me and we worked well together. I hope this doesn't spoil that.
My new boss seems out to get me, it feels like bullying to me. I don't have the capacity to deal with that right now.

[patronisingbitchinthewardrobe]

You've a baby less than a year old, so recent return to work. You can tell prospective employers the job changed while you were off, the opportunities are no longer there etc. If your childcare is rock-solid, you'll be more attractive as an employee than if you were in a two-parent situation - a 'fat cat' told my daughter that he loves to employ single mums because they are so keen to keep their jobs.

Its really important for you to get help, though. You might be able to struggle on, get another job and so on, but you'll do it better, more healthily, if you start getting some support to help you deal with your emotional life as well. Its been too hard.

I know. I've been there - not exactly the same situation but very much the same feeling. Good luck.