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"You latched on to me and think you're more than you are"

(154 Posts)
PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:09:22

That is what my lovely dp has just said to me. All because I asked if we could try and get. "Our" house in both our names as I'm contributing to it every month yet only his name is on the mortgage/deeds.

So yeah ... I apparently latched onto him and think I'm more than I am as a result.

Never felt so shit in all my life.

BitchPeas Sat 01-Nov-14 21:14:45

How long have you been together? And lived together?

My immediate thought is tell
Him to get fucked though!

PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:17:10

Been together 3 years. Lived together for two. He earns more than me but has always maintained that despite the house being in 'his' name ... It's as much mine as it is his. Until I press to gety name on the mortgage and then all of a sudden I'm shooting above my stations.

Vivacia Sat 01-Nov-14 21:17:18

Wow. That is not an ok thing to say. Has he put you down like that before?

CaptainAnkles Sat 01-Nov-14 21:17:57

Leave, as soon as you possibly can. What an arsehole.
Sorry if that's rather blunt but you can't possibly want to be with someone who sees you as a hanger-on rather than a partner, who is happy for you to pay for the house but not for you to actually have any legal ownership on it.

PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:19

I contribute towards the mortgage and upkeep, maintenance and decoration etc each month and always have since we moved in

CookieLady Sat 01-Nov-14 21:19:48

What are revolting thing to say. Leave and don't look back. He's shown you his true colours.

PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:20:13

Now that I know what he thinks of me I hate the fucker and when I leave I hope he struggles to pay for his precious house and loses it

Vivacia Sat 01-Nov-14 21:20:46

Is that your mind made up OP?

thisisnotmyusername Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:05

Stop paying for his house for a start. If he leaves you, you will probably see nothing of it.

Then leave him before he leaves you.

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:25

Yes, he's shown you that really he thinks nothing of you. This man doesn't love you, to say that. Ugh. Please value yourself and move on.

flowers

BitchPeas Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:44

Ahhh so you're good enough to hand over cold hard cash to maintain his house and pay his mortgage but not good enough to be an equal partner. Fuck that. You are worth more!

CaptainAnkles Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:57

Don't let him have the opportunity to try and weasel out of what he's said either. There's no backtracking on such a horrible statement.

SweetErmengarde Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:00

That's the spirit!

What an utter pompous bastard.

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:48

X post.

Well done - use that anger to make an amazing change!

How horrible for you. But now you know. You can have a dazzling future without that nasty waste of space.

thecatfromjapan Sat 01-Nov-14 21:23:16

Eek! Your relationship is a thief of your time. Run now. Don't have children with him.

girliefriend Sat 01-Nov-14 21:23:21

I think if you have been paying into the house for 2 years you still have some legal rights over it, may be worth getting some legal advice before leaving op. He sounds like a charmer hmm

SelfLoathing Sat 01-Nov-14 21:24:34

First question: how long have you been contributing to the mortgage?
Second question: what % of monthly payment have you been making of the total?
Third question: what was the valuation of the property (a) when you started contributing and (b) now?

I suggest you go and see a lawyer with this information and take advice as to your legal rights.

If he's saying stuff to you like that now, it won't get better.

PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:25:07

I've been working so hard to contribute, working 43 hours a week. I'm not strong and brave, I feel absolutely broken. I can't believe he'd say such a thing.

thecatfromjapan Sat 01-Nov-14 21:25:57

He's an idiot - and that kind of boorish idiocy is not attractive, btw.

PigmyAcne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:29:50

It started with me saying "when the mortgage is up for renewal can we try and get it in both our names." Well he went mad, said I was taking the piss out of him, was clueless and no, we couldn't attempt to get it in both names. I said " in that case I'll see a solicitor" and that's when he went mad saying I thought I was better than I was and I latched on to him and though I was minted etc. I've never been so insulted in all my life.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 01-Nov-14 21:30:01

What an utter arse. I'm sorry Pigmy as you realise this is one of those things which shows someone up for what they are. Actions speak louder than words and unless your name is on the deeds within one week, I'd be seeing a solicitor.

thecatfromjapan Sat 01-Nov-14 21:30:21

Certain men are like that.
My husband is. Over the years he destroyed my sense of sel-worth, until he had me believing I was completely stupid and worth nothing. He reduced me to tears in a restaurant by telling me I was lazy, vile and ugly.
They do it to control you.
It leaves you feeling as though everything inside you is broken.
It's to make you easier to control.
That's why you need to get out of this relationship now - while you can - before he breaks you so utterly that you can't.
Really.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 01-Nov-14 21:31:28

You must be gutted OP, it's a terrible thing to say and the fact that after two years you still aren't named on the deeds shows that he meant what he said.

SelfLoathing Sat 01-Nov-14 21:32:52

^ I said " in that case I'll see a solicitor" ^

Please do this. Please. For your own sake.

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