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Fathers sharing bed with daughters.

(181 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

GoMe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:06:12

What is your opinion on it?

I know that child abuse will happen at any time, on the bed or not, if the father is an abuser, so my question is because men are prone to having wet dreams and erections whilst asleep, so in my opinion, it is not ideal for a girl to sleep with her father at the same bed.

My DD is 7.

26Point2Miles Sat 01-Nov-14 21:07:38

Er... Well where will you be?

DoingTheBestICan Sat 01-Nov-14 21:07:46

Really? Is this a serious question?

hollie84 Sat 01-Nov-14 21:07:51

Absolutely fine imo and have never thought about it. I don't think adult men are prone to wet dreams are they?

AlpacaYourThings Sat 01-Nov-14 21:08:11

shockhmmconfused

lemisscared Sat 01-Nov-14 21:09:00

hmm reported

usualsuspect333 Sat 01-Nov-14 21:09:17

hmm

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 01-Nov-14 21:09:39

I would say it only becomes a problem when the child no longer wants to.

gildedcage Sat 01-Nov-14 21:10:50

I wouldn't even think about it. I used to get in with my parents even as a teenager...and nothing as described ever happened.

ConstantAcceleration Sat 01-Nov-14 21:11:07

My dd is 8, she sleeps at her dad's every other weekend. It would't bother me to hear she'd slept in his bed if she was scared or something similar. I am very confident he would never abuse her, but I do regularly ask her about when she spends time with other members of the family (including my mum, dad, her other gps, her dad, cousins etc) if they were kind to her, if they upset her, what they did etc.
It's my way of keeping an eye on any kind of abuse that might come up, not just sexual, and I think it's important for her to know I'm interested. Of course I do it subtly, not as an interrogation.

5madthings Sat 01-Nov-14 21:11:44

Really are you serious.

Fwiw my dd sleeps in our bed, she is almost 4. Her brother's also slept in our bed when younger. Sometimes they still do, my boys share beds with each other sometimes and also with their sister. Bit of a bed hopping family here tbh. I don't see anything inappropriate about it, they tend to grow out if it and want their own space as they get older.

pippinleaf Sat 01-Nov-14 21:13:02

Not good AT ALL. I had a dad telling me about how he bed shared with his child, a girl in my class who was about eight/nine. He said he did it when he worked shifts and didn't want to wake his wife up. He also told me he regularly sniffed her pants to see if she was reaching puberty yet. He thought it was all completely normal and in fact thought sniffing the pants was a sign of what a good dad he was.

BlueSuedeStiletto Sat 01-Nov-14 21:13:29

That is ridiculous. Totally and utterly ridiculous. Of course a little girl can share a bed with her father. I did this as a child as did my sister. It was a treat when my mum was on nightshifts. My dad somehow managed not to molest us.

Not every man is a secret child abuser just waiting for a chance to strike. What a horrible attitude to take. Do you include the father of your child in this?

By the way, I often dream about sex and sometimes orgasm in my sleep. Lots of women do. Does that mean I can't share a bed with my nephew?

GoMe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:13:37

Yes it is a serious question.
And I am asking because we are separating.
I guess I am navigating too much on American online forums, all the Americans tell me it is a no-no.
And it was on those forums I read about the erections and wet dreams.

GoMe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:15:10

Oh and the 3 of us co-slept since she was new born and she started moving to her own bed at 4.

gildedcage Sat 01-Nov-14 21:16:00

I have spoken to all of my children about the underwear rule. If your underwear covers it then its private. If someone, anyone, touches there then they are to tell me immediately.

26Point2Miles Sat 01-Nov-14 21:16:24

So this is you attempting to control your child's contact time with her father?

Are you using this to block contact?

Waltermittythesequel Sat 01-Nov-14 21:16:40

This has been reported ^

I'd hold off on any personal stories until this is checked out, tbh.

squitchey Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:11

Wet dreams are much more common in adolescence. And yeah, erections happen, but it's possible to be subtle about them - what does it matter as long as this is a normal loving dad, as the vast majority of dads are?

WhereAmIGoing Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:14

It didn't entered my mind it could be an issue until you started this thread. Even more shock about the wet dreams and erection.
Tbh I'm not even sure I would be uneasy about the erection part. My dcs have seen them by default when they come in our room in the early hours. Not the same as them seen us having sex.

I round draw the line when the child is getting uneasy but I have to say, just as much as I grew uneasy about seeing my dad naked, I've never felt uneasy about sleeping in the same bed. The dad doesn't have to be naked in bed either!

IsabellaofFrance Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:31

hmm

Reported.

Vivacia Sat 01-Nov-14 21:19:14

I reported too, for the same reason as Walter but it looks as though the OP's been around for a while...

GoMe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:19:44

The only reason why she is back on his bed eventually is because his emotional black mail of how much he will miss her once he moves (tomorrow) etc, so she pits him. Otherwise she is fine on her own space. I don't want him turning her into co-dependent or 'using' her as an emotional crutch. He should be able to sleep by himself regardless his hurting.

WhereAmIGoing Sat 01-Nov-14 21:20:15

And if you are happy for your dd to sleep in the same bed than her dad with you, why ysnt it the same if you aren't there? Aren't you worried about wet dreams and erections when you are in the bed too or do you think they only happen when you aren't there? Have you seen any in all the years you share the bed with your DH?

DeadCert Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:00

If you genuinely have concerns regarding this about a man you presumably chose to have a child with, I think you have huge issues to deal with.

What an odd, odd post.

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