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Casual dating

(12 Posts)
LittleMissGiggles7 Sat 01-Nov-14 19:53:59

Might be long but don't want to drop feed...

Been married for 15 years and separated in May we are currently going through divorce.

I haven't dated since my teens and due to work, kids etc wasn't sure if I had time for a relationship but honestly miss sex and someone to talk and cuddle up to.

So I went online dating and met the most gorgeous man, he said from the beginning he's not looking for a relationship but in his words "casual dating and sex". Never done anything like this before but after lots of texting found out we have loads in common, use to live on the next road to each other, both have the same hobbies etc

Decided that I will give it a go and we have been casual dating a while now. Great guy, we have loads in common and lots of fun. But I'm a bit confused and kind of don't want to ask him but I don't understand the terms of casual dating!!!

He messages me most days how's your day, what are you up to etc...last night we were not together and he was at a party he text me all night, sending me pictures of his halloween party and his outfit. He carried on texting when he got home..He's now organised a date for next week to somewhere Ive always wanted to visit, it's a full day out and no sex involved.

Is this normal of casual dating?? I expected a couple of texts to organise drinks, maybe dinner and sex. I really don't want to read more into this than I am but as I've never don't this before not sure if this is the norm.

FolkGirl Sat 01-Nov-14 20:19:42

I think you need to talk to him if you're uncertain. It probably means different things to different people.

He might be seeing other people too, he might not.

For me it means that I wouldn't fall for them, they wouldn't necessarily be my 'plus one' to an event, I wouldn't be making mental plans to move in together, I wouldn't call them my boyfriend.

But I would assume there'd be dates.

I suppose it's what my older friends would refer to as a 'companion'.

If you're both comfortable with it, then it's fine. But don't make the mistake of reading more into it than it is.

Don't start readinf

jakesmith Sat 01-Nov-14 21:26:10

Sounds to me like non exclusive bit of fun to him, not that it might not ever get serious but by stating 'casual dating' I think that's what he means

Dirtybadger Sat 01-Nov-14 23:23:13

I would presume casual to mean non-exclusive and without significant commitment, or a view to either of these things. That's what I would assume, however, some people do seem to use it as a soft way of saying they simply want to take things slower than average but with a view to these things, potentially. You should probably ask, gently, of these are things he's interested in or if not at all. If he doesn't want those things eventually then imo you need to put some boundaries in place. A casual relationship is easy with someone you're not mad about (but less fun, obviously) but if you have a lot of chemistry in the long run it's worth you're while to put things in place to stop yourself investing too much emotional energy in one person.

It does sound like a lot of contact. Reducing that alone would help. I just expect contact with people I'm seeing (in a similiar capacity) to check I'm home safe and arrange another "date" in a week or two. Maybe in between to be polite if it's been a few weeks.

If you have lots of contact and end up "coupley" seeing one another a few times a week, for example, I think you're closer to being in an open relationship than casually dating.

Dirtybadger Sat 01-Nov-14 23:24:09

Lots of typos and spelling mistakes there, apologies.

PoundingTheStreets Sat 01-Nov-14 23:29:22

What do you want from him? Are you happy to continue with casual dating or do you want more? I think you need to know the answer to that before you ask him about it, but I'd recommend that you do broach the subject.

Despite what you agreed at the beginning, I think 8 out of 10 people (male and female) would assume that non-sex dates and chatty text conversations/calls are a little bit more than just casual dating. IF you want to keep things superficial, they have to be kept superficial. You can't have your cake and eat it. If you want all the trappings without the commitment, and you aren't 100% clear about that from the outset, it just makes you a player (albeit sometimes unintentionally).

So ask him. But know what you want and be prepared for an answer you may not like.

Good luck.

blueshoes Sun 02-Nov-14 00:02:41

How old is he?

LittleMissGiggles7 Sun 02-Nov-14 00:09:59

He's 32, slightly younger than me.

I don't know what I want and that's probably a lot of the problem. I've just come out of a marriage and didn't want the commitment of another relationship so soon. But I really like him and don't want to stop seeing him.

I just wasn't sure about casual relationships as never done it all before. He text me this evening to apologise for not being in touch sooner this evening as his battery on his phone ran out.

I felt the communication is a bit more than I expected from a casual relationship, but I do really enjoy texting him, we just chat on about xfactor, football, food etc

I was hoping just to carry on as we are, but I guess I'll have to talk to him about it at some point.

FolkGirl Sun 02-Nov-14 00:57:38

Hm, the "really like" bit could pose a problem If you're feeling a bit fragile after a break up or might develop 'feelings' for him.

Just watch you don't get hurt.

FolkGirl Sun 02-Nov-14 01:03:32

That wasn't supposed to sound like a telling off!

blush

I have an fwb and there's no chance of me falling for him, so it works. I wouldn't do it if I "really liked" him. I mean obviously I really like him, but you get the point. I don't have any developing romantic feelings for him...

Just take care x

daisychain01 Sun 02-Nov-14 04:48:24

I agree with folkgirl regarding your frame of mind following your marriage breakdown. That said, the fact you are even considering dating shows you are feeling OK about moving forward in life - a good thing IMO!

The risk is that the guy you are seeing could easily go to a party, meet someone and decide they want to give you the Big E, and that could happen without warning. Because he has said he doesn't want a commitment is perhaps a sign he hasn't emotionally put roots down with you and so will move on quickly, which wouldn't be nice for you when you seem keen on him. He sounds like a decent person, but that's the risk you take.

Having a casual relationship always works best when both people are happy with that arrangement IME.

I would have an honest conversation, without it seeming possessive or over emotional just to clarify his position and agree what you would find acceptable.

LittleMissGiggles7 Sun 02-Nov-14 14:12:57

Thank you for your replies. Really are appreciated. Decided to just cool things off for a few days and not contact him whilst I have a think about what I want.

Don't wan't to start a chat about us when I'm still not sure what I want. You have definitely given me the reality check I needed not to read to much into it all.

Maybe a casual relationship with someone I have feelings for it not what I want.

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