Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

A bad reason to stay .....?

(10 Posts)
Somethingtodo Fri 31-Oct-14 14:36:55

As I believe that he will end up a lonely piss-head in a dirty flat.....and although I don't care for him - I don't want my children to have that for a father....and I don't want them to blame me for making him that way.

Our relationship is well and truly dead. We have had many issues over the years and I decided to finally divorce earlier in the year.....but I had this sudden vision of the lonely piss-head in the dirty flat and I really believed that I could not inflict that future on my children - so I did not proceed. But 6 months later here I am sad and stressed as ever.

CheersMedea Fri 31-Oct-14 14:40:38

You can't be responsible for another adult.

It is a choice to live in a dirty flat. It is a choice to be a lonely piss head.

You are probably worrying about something that will never happen. He'll probably find another woman to take care of him.

But to answer your question... yes that it a bad reason to stay.

Mammanat222 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:41:02

Yes - a truly awful reason to stay with someone.

You are not doing him, or your kids, or yourself any favours by staying.

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 31-Oct-14 14:49:00

My ex is a lonely piss head in a dirty flat, if Id stayed, he'd have been a lonely pis head in a clean flat, I would have been a downtrodden wreck, and my DD would have very likely followed suit. Instead, I have a fab life with a wonderful man, as does DD, and he can please himself. Hes not my responsibility, or my DDs.

Somethingtodo Fri 31-Oct-14 14:51:52 could well happen - both of his parents (and grand parents) are alcoholics - a drink "problem" has been an on off issue throughout our relationship - even when he is teetotal for long periods he is tense.

But on the face of it he is an attractive, charming, intelligent, successful gentleman - so that is a good point he probably will find another woman to take care of him.

I think I know now in my gut that it is a bad and unsustainable reason to stay.

CheersMedea Fri 31-Oct-14 14:52:44

My ex is a lonely piss head in a dirty flat, if Id stayed, he'd have been a lonely pis head in a clean flat,

That made me really LOL. Sorry. blush

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 31-Oct-14 14:55:52

Both of his parents (and grand parents) are alcoholics - a drink "problem"

Read that back, look at the pattern that's forming and get your children the hell away from it.

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 31-Oct-14 14:56:22


Somethingtodo Fri 31-Oct-14 15:02:40

Yes - that is how it has been in the past - a lonely piss head (not to the extent of his parents) in our family home - I have fought really hard with him to contain it - and now he does Sun-Thurs teetotal as he cant cope at work - but I have spent a long time emotionally distanced from him thru drink....and I am worried that separation/divorce will tip him back in to it - full blown.

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 31-Oct-14 15:39:05

Honestly, I think he'll" tip back into it" whatever you do, and when he does, you'll have wasted years being unhappy.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: