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Fiancés stag do nervous of him cheating

(103 Posts)
HopefulSmile14 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:20:42

My partner has gone to Cardiff for the weekend with the LADS I'm so scared of him cheating and breaking my heart I can't stop thinking about it I've got a long shift a head of me tomorrow and don't know how I'm going to cope thinking that he is in bed or kissing another woman the reason I'm like this is when we first met he had a girlfriend he didn't tell me I was oblivious to this and when I found out I cut contact with him but could not get him out my head so when he did finally text me again we ended up getting back together at this point he was single and with in 2weeks we were engaged 9months down the line and I'm still feeling like this wedding is booked for valentines day what do I do sad

lemisscared Fri 31-Oct-14 14:23:11

You shouldn't be marrying this man, you don't trust him, and it would appear has given you reason not to

MirandaWest Fri 31-Oct-14 14:23:43

If you're worried he's going to cheat are you sure you want to marry him?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 31-Oct-14 14:23:47

Don't marry someone you don't trust. Simple as that. If you don't like the feeling of panic you're experiencing, don't sign up for more of the same. A ring on someone's finger doesn't make them more trustworthy.

ginslinger Fri 31-Oct-14 14:24:58

If you can't trust someone then don't marry them

Sephy Fri 31-Oct-14 14:25:16

It sounds like this wedding is happening in rather a rush, especially as you're not sure you can trust him. Maybe when he's home you could talk to him about your fears and suggest rearranging the wedding for a years time or so to give you more time to be sure he is worthy of becoming your husband? Though I wouldn't use the 'worthy' phrase to him!

Quitelikely Fri 31-Oct-14 14:25:39

Oh well you reap what you sow. Your relationship was built on lies at the beginning and now you know what he is capable of you will have to live with that for the rest of your life.

As they say the past does come back to haunt us!

MaxsMummy2012 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:25:39

I agree with the above you shouldn't be marrying someone you don't trust. It wont last if you are constantly questionning his commitment to you and wondering what he is up to. Time to have a long hard think.

HopefulSmile14 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:25:53

I don't know why I'm like this because in the months we've been together he has proved me wrong he doesn't leave my side treats me like a princess and tells me he loves me all the time it's just that feeling I have I love this man so much words could not describe this is hurting so bad

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 31-Oct-14 14:27:05

Did you actually say you were engaged with 2 weeks of him breaking up with his previous girlfriend?

"Marry in haste, repent at leisure".... hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:28:06

Quitelikely ..she dumped him when she found out he had a girlfriend and only got together when he was single, so not sure why you are moralising quite so much.

HopefulSmile14 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:28:13

It was him who wanted to push the wedding forward I didn't want to marry an till 2017 but he said he didn't want to wait around for the years to pass us by he wanted me to be all his and not to stand back I don't know is it just me being silly I'm not sure

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 31-Oct-14 14:28:34

Don't marry him, apart from the fact you don't trust him, you'll make both your lives a misery if you are like this every time he leaves your side.

CheersMedea Fri 31-Oct-14 14:29:50

What do I do

Depends whether this is one off anxiety brought on by his stag do or whether it is a deeper problem.

It could be that you don't trust him, full stop. In which case, you are signing up to a potential life time of feeling like this. Probably not a healthy lifestyle choice.

On the other hand, it could be irrational anxiety rooted in the fact it's a stag-do, that you don't trust his friends not to get him really out of control drunk etc.

I think the way to test this is to look at how you feel about him generally in terms of trust. If he is going out for "a drink with the lads" without you, is that OK or do you worry about that too?

If he is generally doing stuff without you involving seeing other women or social opportunities, how do you feel about that? Trust him or not?

HopefulSmile14 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:30:20

No he was single for quite some time at least 4months before we started talking again

TheJiminyConjecture Fri 31-Oct-14 14:30:24

Your choice of words gives the impression that getting engaged etc was something that happened to you and was out of your control. If you're not confident about the relationship it's ok to cancel or postpone the wedding.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Fri 31-Oct-14 14:30:28

Don't marry him. You're making a huge mistake and will spend many hours posting on here in the future if you do.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 31-Oct-14 14:31:17

I don't often say this but you are being very stupid OP. You're being bundled into marriage by a man that you hardly know and the only thing you are certain of is that he is a cheat. Where's your commonsense?

Mammanat222 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:32:07

Why is he having a stag do this weekend if you aren't getting married until Mid February?

Agree with everyone else, you clearly do not trust him, you have rushed into this whole thing so if I were you I'd at the very least postpone the wedding whilst you work out if this is the right relationship for you

CheersMedea Fri 31-Oct-14 14:32:10

It was him who wanted to push the wedding forward I didn't want to marry an till 2017

Why did you not want to marry until 2017? Was this a delay tactic as you aren't sure?

That's a hell of a time to wait if you want to be with someone. A year maybe if you want to book a particular venue with a long lead in time - but 3 years?!?! ?

Sounds like you aren't sure he's your Mr Right.

HopefulSmile14 Fri 31-Oct-14 14:32:14

I don't trust his friends they are a bad influence on him he can never say no to them they pressure him into so much he just goes a long with what ever they say and do this includes his brothers and dad

CheersMedea Fri 31-Oct-14 14:33:02

Why is he having a stag do this weekend if you aren't getting married until Mid February?

A most excellent question Mammanat222

GoatsDoRoam Fri 31-Oct-14 14:34:44

If you don't want to get married until 2017, don't get married until 2017.
It's your life, and you can't let other people push big decisions on you.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Fri 31-Oct-14 14:35:26

Never mind his friends, you don't trust him, and quite rightly so.

You know he's a cheat, he cheated on/with you/his girlfriend, and nine months later isn't long enough for him to have proved to you that he's changed and is trustworthy.

lemisscared Fri 31-Oct-14 14:35:45

He wants you to be "all his"? Errr, a marriage certificate isn't a document of ownership? He needs to jog on, really

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