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Finally decided it's over

8 replies

atmywitsendxx · 30/10/2014 23:07

After about 2 months of hell not knowing if I am coming or going I have decided it's finally over. Wasn't sure how to link my other posts but basically fiance called off our engagement as he decided I didn't support him enough. One week later he changed his mind after I promised to changed offer more support etc. Since then he has been horrible won't come near me hardly says a word to me. He spends most of his time in a mood calling me names (this has been an ongoing issue in our relationship). He called me a fucking cxnt in front of our 14 month old daughter after we got into an argument over where I filed our wedding documents. I do all housework etc so he hadn't a clue where they were.

I went to view some flats at the weekend told him I was really keen on one and going to proceed. He then said he does want to work things out and said let's forget all the past etc fresh start, that was Sunday night. Monday morning told me wasn't sure if this was going to work. I then got offered the flat and turned it down as a wasn't sure if we were making a go of it or not. Since then he has resorted back to not coming near me and when I asked for a cuddle he makes excuses etc too tired for a cuddle? He is back to saying I don't support him as I asked for help to get our daughter ready for nursery while he was in bed as I was working today he is off on holiday to use the time to study. He also said I don't support him as I forgot to pick up lemsip for his cold!

After another argument where he was horrible name calling, swearing etc as I was trying to say I want to be in a relationship where my partner actually looks and talks to me. He just goes on and on about supporting him he says I make it all about me.

I have finally decided it is over guess I have known this for a while but was kind of hoping he would throw his arms round me and say we were going to be ok.

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Mampire · 30/10/2014 23:11

Be glad he didn't throw his arms around you and say the meaningless words "it'll be ok". cos if there're rows and name-calling and swearing and the rest of the time, he's not looking at you and not talking to you, then it wouldn't have been ok.

You have done the right thing.

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atmywitsendxx · 30/10/2014 23:17

Thanks yes I think I have. I posted on here from the beginning of our issues and the comments and advice have been great. I thought he maybe had depression and again got some great advice regarding this (don't think he does)

He says I didnt support him when his mum was ill as I told him to "think positive and how I was sure she would be ok" He says this was not supporting him I should have said "I'm sorry to hear she might not pull through" She is fine doing better than ever.

He just seems to turned into a horrible nasty person and I really can't take anymore.

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FolkGirl · 31/10/2014 05:57

It sounds like you're just incompatible.

Tbh, if someone's ill, "think positive" is a rather trite and meaningless comment and nothing qualified you to be "sure she would be ok", so I'd agree they're not supportive comments. Did you hear that she might not pull through? Or is he someone who needs to consider the worst case scenario?

But it sounds like he's messing you about a bit now so you're best off out of it.

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Vivacia · 31/10/2014 06:08

Some may feel it was a trite comment, but I think the verbal abuse he's given OP kind of over-shadows "trite".

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/10/2014 06:35

I can take a few unsuccessful attempts to leave a relationship with an abusive bully and that seems to have been the pattern for a while. Bet you're kicking yourself you didn't take that flat. Glad you're going to get yourself and your baby out of a toxic environment.

Please treat this as a learning experience. When someone regularly subjects you to verbal abuse, calling you names and picking arguments, they do not love you. They don't even like you. Once you're away from him you may need some counselling to help you understand why you stayed so long. The Freedom Programme might be appropriate.

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atmywitsendxx · 31/10/2014 06:57

Yes I know your probably right about the think positive comments. He got a phone call while we were in Asda saying she was getting worse and it was the first thing that came into my head. He always wants to discuss the things I have done wrong but nothing that be has done that hurt me.

Yes very annoyed with myself over flat it was perfect. I am trying to tell myself I wasn't sure if we were going to work things out so did the right thing not taking it. Also location wasn't perfect. I am completely sure now.

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FolkGirl · 31/10/2014 07:02

Ah, well clearly there's a much bigger history here that I'm unaware of.

Sometimes it needs to to be "completely sure now" before you are comfortable with making such a big decision.

Coming at it from a position of doubt can leave to vulnerable to being swayed. Knowing that it has to be done can leave you feeling stronger emotionally.

Good luck. x