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Patner is moody, can't cope, post 2

(14 Posts)
Cornishrexellie Thu 30-Oct-14 21:57:13

Ok, he's now speaking to me, not in a nice tone however, the edge of the mood is lingering.
We've had a small "us" discussion, he reiterated his moods are all down to me, said he hates me when I'm intense, by that he means me attempting to get a resolve to his mood and pleading with him, but otherwise loves me!!!
Then said he wants to work at the relationship, wants his 12k back ASAP then he can decide if he's leaving or I put him in on my mortgage and deeds.
He also said if he's staying and not on mortgage he will contribute less to bills etc as the house is mine.
I said ok let's split, you'll get your money soon but if you are going, go now, I'm not living with you like this.
He point blank refused to leave and said no, we are not over.
I challenged his behaviour in Moscow, saying how he'd pissed all over that trip, well it was shit and overpriced was his reply. Wouldn't acknowledge that my request for a cuddle was reasonable, just stuck to his guns saying I was selfish as I prevented him from falling asleep when he wanted.
I don't think I can get past the fact that he ignored me for three days on holiday, I had to sit in the hotel room wishing I was back at home or that he would just snap out of his mood and we could enjoy ourselves.
Of all the moods he's put me through, the Moscow mood for me is unforgivable. I've told my mother what happened on holiday, she's now worrying, saying he could turn violent, I know that violence won't occur.

I'm so confused, I just want him to treat me right, when's he's in a good mood he's aces but his ignorance, moods and wicked tongue are really getting me down.

Do you think he's only saying work at it till I get the money back to him and he'll then just leave?

Is he just playing a game while he sorts out new accommodation?

textingdisaster Thu 30-Oct-14 22:10:08

Hi cornish. I have only read the first few posts of your last thread, sorry, and I am sure people have asked you this before, but is there any way you could borrow the money from a bank / another person, so that you can pay him back straight away?

Or kick him out and pay him back in instalments? He sounds threatening and slightly deranged.

I live with a serial not-talker and from experience I know that people like this do not change. It is probably a deeply ingrained pattern of behaviour. In my h's case his siblings are all of a similar ilk (it makes me really angry when I see them in action and realise how similar to h they are angryangry).

To put it bluntly, who cares if he is nice when in a good mood. That is really really not good enough. YOU are worth a lot more than this and when he is off the scene, will find it with someone else smile.

He does not get to dictate when your relationship ends.

textingdisaster Thu 30-Oct-14 22:11:30

So end it as soon as possible is my advice! I would also not enter in to a long term agreement of any kind with him when the 12K is paid off as he is suggesting.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 30-Oct-14 22:12:02

You have an agreement that you will pay it back upon the sale of the house. So, change the locks and tell him to see you in court.

Then pay him back in instalments.

Take charge of your life!

DoughnutSelfie Thu 30-Oct-14 22:20:04

Sweetheart you can get him removed if he refuses to leave. Police will help. Pop down your local station for a chat.

Wrt the money - your best bet would be to approach your bank for a loan, pay him off, get rid of any unneeded contact with him that way.

I think your relationship is dead, good job too by the sound of it.

Cornishrexellie Thu 30-Oct-14 22:25:56

I'm going to ring mortgage co tomoz and try to borrow and extend length
So that way I've paid him back and the money issue is dealt with.

I'm wishing I had the balls to say off you pop, there's the door, but something is stopping me, not sure if I'm a bit scared of him.

One thing I do know is I'm not putting him on my mortgage, if I did that the amount of leverage over me would be huge.

Cornishrexellie Thu 30-Oct-14 22:30:29

Doughnut it probs is dead and I don't want to admit it

I'm scared of being on my own with the boys

My ex husband isn't good with helping me look after them, ie if I had to work an early, 7am start, he will only look after them from 10am, so I have to rely on my parents or current partner.

Things just seem enormous right now

DoughnutSelfie Thu 30-Oct-14 22:35:59

I know darling, seems insurmountable, all these issues, yes?

But, y'know, no need to eat your elephant in one sitting. Bite size pieces is the way.

<hearty clap to shoulder>

Cornishrexellie Thu 30-Oct-14 22:39:01

Doughnut, thank you and a smile

TheHermitCrab Fri 31-Oct-14 09:28:08

I never usually say this bu end it. He's clearly staying to protect his 12k, worried that if you break up the 12k will take longer and be more hard work to get back.

He's playing a waiting game while he tries to figure out his best options and you will end up regretting not taking action.

Hard I know, but at the minute you have a man you are id debt with, who's a constant mental drain on you. Who is saying "IF" he stays...etc? come oooon....


GoatsDoRoam Fri 31-Oct-14 09:34:30

what an entitled wanker.

2times Fri 31-Oct-14 09:39:40

Saying things like 'I'm not going to put him on the mortgage' sounds to me like you are not going to/don't want to separate.

Is that how you're feeling?

Jan45 Fri 31-Oct-14 13:47:29

Keep hold of what he did to you in Moscow, this is him, he wont change so get on with it!

PoppyField Fri 31-Oct-14 22:03:44

Yes you probably are a bit scared of him. After all, his horrible moods are a bullying tactic to make you do what he wants you to do - and you do it out of fear. This whole 'walking on eggshells' thing is a euphemism for 'living in fear' - nothing short of that. Fear of one of his moods, fear of being accused of setting off one of his moods, fear at any stage that he might ruin something that means something precious to you (e.g. Moscow, which you obviously dearly hoped would be a fantastic trip - utterly and deliberately ruined by him). He is a sadist. Don't have him in your home.

You don't have to have fear of actual physical violence. This is violence to your confidence, self-esteem, emotional well-being etc etc etc and it is really harmful and takes a deal of recovering from. No wonder you are fearful - he's messed with your head and he doesn't care. It is very scary realising that you've let someone get close to you who is intent on damaging you. It's an outrage. Don't let him stay.

So, tell him to leave. In fact you can order him to leave. It is your house. As others have said you can get the police to get him out. He has absolutely no right to stay in your property a minute longer than you want him to. Get him out! You can do it. You'll feel so much relief afterwards you won't know yourself - promise.

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