Ladies I need some advice and please don't judge, I'm scared and confused. I suffer with anxiety attacks, and Emetophobia, although my other half tells me its all in my head.
I have just had an argument with my other half because he called me to say he's gonna be late home from work because he has to fill up, I asked him why he wasn't doing it in the morning like he normally always does. He goes of on one because I've apparently called him a liar. The phone call ends with me putting down the phone and him calling back twice.
He comes home and then starts the silent treatment, eventually breaking it to tell me he's going out to let "me calm down" when I say I am calm its not good enough, he tries to convince me i am not calm with by shouting at me.
Then we get into a conversation, where he's stood by the front door and I'm sat on the bed (flat) and "I'm stopping him from leaving" When he makes his way into the bed room to continue the argument he starts banging his head on the wooden bed frame and calling me a cunt (always does this btw - every time we argue).
I have tried explaining to him in the past I feel bullied by him, because he can never be wrong and it has always got to be someone else's fault, but he just tells me I am the bully. He tells me I treat him like shit, but when I ask how. He refuses to answer saying well if you don't know im not going to tell you.
I am confused. I feel like I cant say anything because it may wind him up, and then I get called a cunt. He tells me my son would be better off if I was dead, or if he lived with his biological father who hasn't seen him since Christmas last year.
I borrowed his bank card once (He handed it too me) but when I got back from food shopping we had another row because he hadn't done the bins his only job he has to do in the whole house, he said he was reporting me for card fraud.
I feel lost and alone, my family think he's a brilliant bloke because he acts so different, when there's an argument he's on the phone to my mum telling her its me, my son loves him,
I'm really confused, I'm starting to question my own behaviour. I'm sorry I'm ranting
Gosh you must know this guy is not good for you? Confide in your mum, surely if you told her what he is really like she would support you?
It isn't a question of sensitivity when someone is calling you a c**t and saying you would be better off dead, NOTHING justifies that and to say those things, and as a matter of course, is pretty disgusting imo!!
And what's with the banging his head on the bed? Pity he couldn't knock himself out give you some peace!
It must be a shock that he isn't the guy you thought he was, how long have you been together? Would moving out be problematic?
This man is an abusive bully. He is deliberately picking fights over nothing and deliberately intimidating you with aggression (banging his head on a bedframe is aggressive behaviour) in order to control your behaviour through anxiety and confusion. Very disturbing indeed the way he is treating your son. That you have to ask if he's a bully or not confirms that he is successfully making you doubt your own judgement.
Please get this man out of your life and out of your son's life. Like a PP I don't think you would suffer quite so much from anxiety if you didn't have to contend with this type of treatment.
What would be involved in disentangling yourself practically from this man - it doesn't sound like you have DCs together, where did you and DS live before you met him? Can you begin to think how you could go back to that way of living again, ie on your own with DS? This man isn't good for you.
The things he says are seriously horrible . No one in any way reasonable tells a woman her son would be better off if his mothers was dead! And he is playing mind games, and is manipulative, cruel and a bully. Threatening to report you for card fraud !
How old is your son?
You can't go on like this OP, you are 't happy and with your anxiety and the fact that he is already causing you to doubt yourself (while undermining your strongest source of support by trying to turn your family against you ) will only get worse. He will rob you of the self confidence to ever leave. He is emotionally abusive and he will damage you.
I had an ex like this, I secretly recorded one of his vile, venomous rants on my mobile phone and played it to my parents who thought he was great. They were so shocked and upset that they didn't believe when I'd complained about him in the past.