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Is it me being over sensitive or is he a bully

(20 Posts)
FreeSpirit89 Thu 30-Oct-14 19:22:50

Ladies I need some advice and please don't judge, I'm scared and confused. I suffer with anxiety attacks, and Emetophobia, although my other half tells me its all in my head.

I have just had an argument with my other half because he called me to say he's gonna be late home from work because he has to fill up, I asked him why he wasn't doing it in the morning like he normally always does. He goes of on one because I've apparently called him a liar. The phone call ends with me putting down the phone and him calling back twice.

He comes home and then starts the silent treatment, eventually breaking it to tell me he's going out to let "me calm down" when I say I am calm its not good enough, he tries to convince me i am not calm with by shouting at me.

Then we get into a conversation, where he's stood by the front door and I'm sat on the bed (flat) and "I'm stopping him from leaving" When he makes his way into the bed room to continue the argument he starts banging his head on the wooden bed frame and calling me a cunt (always does this btw - every time we argue).

I have tried explaining to him in the past I feel bullied by him, because he can never be wrong and it has always got to be someone else's fault, but he just tells me I am the bully. He tells me I treat him like shit, but when I ask how. He refuses to answer saying well if you don't know im not going to tell you.

I am confused. I feel like I cant say anything because it may wind him up, and then I get called a cunt. He tells me my son would be better off if I was dead, or if he lived with his biological father who hasn't seen him since Christmas last year.

I borrowed his bank card once (He handed it too me) but when I got back from food shopping we had another row because he hadn't done the bins his only job he has to do in the whole house, he said he was reporting me for card fraud.

I feel lost and alone, my family think he's a brilliant bloke because he acts so different, when there's an argument he's on the phone to my mum telling her its me, my son loves him,

I'm really confused, I'm starting to question my own behaviour. I'm sorry I'm ranting

Dowser Thu 30-Oct-14 19:54:57



WhereIsMYJonathanSmith Thu 30-Oct-14 20:10:35

I think you would be much happier and better off on your own.

Why would you want to be with someone who acts differently to other people for starters?

He isnt brilliant, he is at least very cleverly manipulative. Just get rid. Life is too short, and you only get one, or so I believe smile

LineRunner Thu 30-Oct-14 20:13:58

He's on the phone to your mum?? Ffs

What does she your mum do? She should be holding a door open for you.

PoundingTheStreets Thu 30-Oct-14 20:14:41

Your OH is playing mind games with you. The only way to win those games is to not play them and leave.

PoundingTheStreets Thu 30-Oct-14 20:14:48


CrispyFern Thu 30-Oct-14 20:18:14

He sounds scary. Poor you. sad

BeGhoul Thu 30-Oct-14 20:22:46

He is a bully. He sounds very abusive. You are not being overly sensitive.

People have been known to pick fights in order to then "Storm out" - i.e. go out and do what they want.

How long have you been suffering from all this anxiety?
How long have you been doing all the housework? and why?

He sounds utterly awful, you don't have to live like this and you don't have to bring your child up in this environment.

EverythingIsChanging Thu 30-Oct-14 20:28:48

Gosh you must know this guy is not good for you? Confide in your mum, surely if you told her what he is really like she would support you?

It isn't a question of sensitivity when someone is calling you a c**t and saying you would be better off dead, NOTHING justifies that and to say those things, and as a matter of course, is pretty disgusting imo!!

And what's with the banging his head on the bed? Pity he couldn't knock himself out give you some peace!

It must be a shock that he isn't the guy you thought he was, how long have you been together? Would moving out be problematic?

GoatsDoRoam Thu 30-Oct-14 20:29:11

He is abusive and a bully.

I suspect that your anxiety will dwindle once you are no longer in his clutches.

GoatsDoRoam Thu 30-Oct-14 20:32:06

The links in the first post on this support thread might be useful reading for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 31-Oct-14 06:13:30

This man is an abusive bully. He is deliberately picking fights over nothing and deliberately intimidating you with aggression (banging his head on a bedframe is aggressive behaviour) in order to control your behaviour through anxiety and confusion. Very disturbing indeed the way he is treating your son. That you have to ask if he's a bully or not confirms that he is successfully making you doubt your own judgement.

Please get this man out of your life and out of your son's life. Like a PP I don't think you would suffer quite so much from anxiety if you didn't have to contend with this type of treatment.

Womens Aid 0808 2000 247

Walkacrossthesand Fri 31-Oct-14 07:56:51

What would be involved in disentangling yourself practically from this man - it doesn't sound like you have DCs together, where did you and DS live before you met him? Can you begin to think how you could go back to that way of living again, ie on your own with DS? This man isn't good for you.

Yarp Fri 31-Oct-14 07:59:13

He is a bully.

Please get some help from Womens Aid. The links above are really useful.

Yarp Fri 31-Oct-14 08:00:07

And he is not just a bit of a bully. He is abusing you.

ouryve Fri 31-Oct-14 08:08:33

He's not just a bully, he's abusive. The way he's trying to come between you and your mum is typical abuser behaviour, too.

You would feel a lot less lonely without him blighting your life.

Blu Fri 31-Oct-14 08:12:07

The things he says are seriously horrible . No one in any way reasonable tells a woman her son would be better off if his mothers was dead! And he is playing mind games, and is manipulative, cruel and a bully. Threatening to report you for card fraud !

How old is your son?

You can't go on like this OP, you are 't happy and with your anxiety and the fact that he is already causing you to doubt yourself (while undermining your strongest source of support by trying to turn your family against you ) will only get worse. He will rob you of the self confidence to ever leave. He is emotionally abusive and he will damage you.

Are you married ? Do you have joint property?

Fudgeface123 Fri 31-Oct-14 09:09:45

I had an ex like this, I secretly recorded one of his vile, venomous rants on my mobile phone and played it to my parents who thought he was great. They were so shocked and upset that they didn't believe when I'd complained about him in the past.

Leave him now, before he damages you any further

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 31-Oct-14 09:11:11

Telling you it is all in your head is gaslighting. I recommend not having this in your life.

GoldfishCrackers Fri 31-Oct-14 09:29:17

You're not over sensitive. He is an abusive bully.

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