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Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

(317 Posts)
40thisisit Thu 30-Oct-14 19:06:13

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???wine

Thrholidaysarecoming Thu 30-Oct-14 19:07:54

Tell him to whistle!

Wolfiefan Thu 30-Oct-14 19:08:29

That kind of depends. Are you really drinking enough to shorten your life? How much is too much and do you rely on it?

Hassled Thu 30-Oct-14 19:08:45

If you're drinking within recommended guidelines and it's not a "problem" and so on and so on, then yes, tell him to whistle.

I had an ex who suddenly decided his body was a temple and felt I should join him in this - it was bloody dull.

scarevola Thu 30-Oct-14 19:09:10

Are you drinking ever day?

And when you drink 'too much' on occasion how much do you mean? And how often are those occasions?

LineRunner Thu 30-Oct-14 19:09:12

That seems pretty patronising of him. Unless there is a problem?

MrsTerrorPratchett Thu 30-Oct-14 19:09:30

How much are you drinking?

40thisisit Thu 30-Oct-14 19:13:59

When at work I don't drink during the week (unless a special occasion) , at the weekend I'll have a bottle on fri and one on Sat. I think Hassled my dh thinks his body is a temple at the moment!

porgie80 Thu 30-Oct-14 19:14:22

It depends how much you are drinking and what you consider excessive- my Mum sometimes puts away a bottle a night and wouldn't call that excessive but it obviously is. I'd say if you were having maybe 2/3 glasses a night on a weekend and maybe a bottle every few weeks- fine. But if your sitting there drinking a barrel dry and thinking it's not excessive- not fine.

MrsTerrorPratchett Thu 30-Oct-14 19:14:24

And in the holidays?

Wolfiefan Thu 30-Oct-14 19:16:20

I couldn't down a bottle of wine at a time. Can you buy good stuff and have half the bottle each night?

googietheegg Thu 30-Oct-14 19:16:25

Sitting while your partner drinks is rubbish, boring and deeply irritating.

Sickoffrozen Thu 30-Oct-14 19:18:29

If it's 2 bottles a week then for me that is fine. So what if you shorten your life by a year or two anyway. From what I can see of mid 80's life it really doesn't look much fun!

yetanotherchangename Thu 30-Oct-14 19:19:15

A bottle in one go is a lot

scarevola Thu 30-Oct-14 19:19:30

Well, that's 20+ units weekly in two binges, plus more in the holidays?

Yes, I can see why he's concerned. Especially if this is the sole issue which he's asking you to change (which to me says genuine worry) not part of a pattern.

BuilderMammy Thu 30-Oct-14 19:20:25

Two bottles of wine in two nights is a lot.

obviouslyneedsupernanny Thu 30-Oct-14 19:21:21

You drink at weekends and holidays?? That is less than most people on here I'm sure (ok well less than me) so tell him no.

PercyHorse Thu 30-Oct-14 19:22:05

It's your decision to make not his. Having said that, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone drinking that much every weekend. It's the equivalent of 5 double vodkas each night.

thatstoast Thu 30-Oct-14 19:22:21

You said he's going to give up wine. How much does he drink?

Based on what you've said you are drinking 'too much' (meaning above nhs recommendations) and you're also binge drinking.

Why don't you try if for a month?

holdyourown Thu 30-Oct-14 19:23:37

sounds a lot to me - it's really not great for your health and alcohol can be addictive so there's a danger you'll just want more and more over time. Why not just stop for a month initially and see how you find it, as it'll help you to think about other things you enjoy doing/ways to de-stress

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine Thu 30-Oct-14 19:25:13

As plain figures in the posts above it looks a lot but really having a bottle over the course of the evening isn't that bad

It's a glass or 2 with food and then another glass afterwards while sat watching tv and drank slowly over a few hours I don't see a problem

carlsonrichards Thu 30-Oct-14 19:26:25

I'd tell him to sling his hook. I don't drink, but the whole 'units' thing is arbitrary rubbish made up by the government.

ouryve Thu 30-Oct-14 19:26:35

Well, a whole bottle is a heck of a lot in one go. It's 10 units. The frequency isn't a problem, but the amount you drink in one go is potentially harmful.

And I say that as someone who loves a bottle of wine - to share.

Fairylea Thu 30-Oct-14 19:28:11

As an ex heavy drinker... a bottle a night is too much. It's binge drinking which can be very dangerous for your health and if you're using it as your main way of relaxing it shows some degree of dependency.

I'd give it up for a while and see how you feel. I used to drink in a similar way, sometimes more and sometimes less. But I felt it was becoming what I looked forward to more than anything and that's not right.

I have been completely teetotal for nearly 5 years now and feel much healthier for it.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 30-Oct-14 19:28:13

That's 28 units a week, only slightly more than recommended

The problem is really the effect on the liver of the 14 units in one binge - however, if otherwise healthy then it's not that bad.

Yes, you'd be 'better' drinking 2 glasses night instead but it's 50/50 as actually having 5 nights off drinking might be better

The short answer is we don't know so do whatever grin

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