Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Seeing the light.......

(11 Posts)
yougotafriend Thu 30-Oct-14 10:21:06

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2196700-Embarrassed-to-be-posting-AGAIN-Ive-been-a-fool?

This is the link to my previous thread - I wanted to start a new one as I�m no longer �embarrassed� I realise now that it doesn�t matter how many years it has taken me to break free of an EA marriage or how many times I tried to make it work. What�s important is that I have now seen the light�..and I am taking steps to break free.

Even though (as far as I�m concerned) we separated on 27th September and I have had that conversation with H 3 times � he still came to me with the �can we talk� line and that hang-dog expression on his face last night asking if I�ve made my mind up yet if I really want to split up or now I�ve had time to think things over am I ready to try again to make things work�.WTF???? when I said I�m still moving out he asked �how long for?��WTF again????

He went on and on � too many details to list here and tbh I�m fed up thinking about what he wants to happen, but I was amazed at how detached I felt, I answered all of his questions clearly and in words of one syllable so he would understand how I felt and how I intend to proceed. I know it isn�t ideal that we are still under the same roof but the house I�m moving to isn�t ready and it is so perfect in terms of location and price that I will wait until it is.

In the past 5 weeks I have not given any indication that there is anything remotely salvageable in our relationship and I�m frankly amazed that he has deluded himself so convincingly.

So lovely people of MN I thank you all for your support and advice. I am happy to report that I have emotionally detached � and that light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter than ever, it really is within touching distance now smile x

yougotafriend Thu 30-Oct-14 10:21:53

Haha, that'll teach mu to cut and paste from word!!!

Sk002 Thu 30-Oct-14 19:04:23

Similar situation here. One big ostrich with his head in the sand.
He keeps thinking it is all going to be OK again. No matter how clearly I spell out that it is over(after many long years of trying). He says he accepts it and then turns around to the kids and talks about us doing things together as a family. And have I mentioned he doesn't think we should tell anyone about our separation, the kids included!!!!
That's about to change now as I am going to tell the kids tonight.....

Sk002 Thu 30-Oct-14 19:05:42

Well done on your detachment by the way!
Someone needs to make greeting cards for that!!

yougotafriend Thu 30-Oct-14 19:46:31

Good luck telling the kids. I've told everyone.... My DCs are 16 & 18 and are fine with it (so far)

Sk002 Thu 30-Oct-14 20:07:29

Did you tell them as a couple?

yougotafriend Thu 30-Oct-14 20:20:04

No H told them one day before I got in from work hmm not ideal and he clearly wanted to provoke a reaction to use against me. I talked to them separately, they are under no illusions about their DF being unreasonable.

Because we'd been at this point earlier in the year tho, it didn't come as a complete shock and they were both quite practical about it. My 16yr old even helped me move all my stuff into the spare room!

Sk002 Thu 30-Oct-14 20:40:36

I'm glad that worked out for you. Can't be easy when he is trying to turn the kids against you.

yougotafriend Thu 30-Oct-14 21:37:58

He's not really just that his default is "victim", it's worked all his life to get his own way.

Sk002 Thu 30-Oct-14 23:27:29

And why change what has always worked, I suppose.
You have a whole new future ahead without that now. Congrats.

yougotafriend Fri 31-Oct-14 11:41:51

sk002 did you talk to your kids? How did it go?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now