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How to feel when your partner kisses someone else

(178 Posts)
bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 10:53:08

DP went away with his friends and kissed a girl.
I am trying not to be too pissed off.

I know it isn't a big deal but at the same time I'm gutted.

How seriously do you take something like that?

:/

Someoneslapme Wed 29-Oct-14 10:54:42

Is this real? Of course it's a big deal! I would be furious!

MairzyDoats Wed 29-Oct-14 10:55:37

Um... Who said it's not a big deal? I'd be furious, kissing is intimate and it shouldn't happen with anyone other than your partner! How did you find out?

Poofus Wed 29-Oct-14 10:56:15

He doesn't kiss anyone else - why would he? I would be livid if he did and unsure if we could continue our marriage.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 29-Oct-14 10:56:46

I would consider kissing another woman to be an act of infidelity

I would also not for one moment take it as gospel that it only went that far

PoirotsMoustache Wed 29-Oct-14 10:56:53

I'd be hugely pissed off! It's a massive deal - he kissed someone else. The only person he should be kissing is you. I would take it very seriously.

GoatsDoRoam Wed 29-Oct-14 10:57:56

You should be very pissed off about it.
It is a huge deal.

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 10:58:09

Well, I just had a feeling.
So I asked him outright. I told him that he could 'fess up or not bother unpacking his suitcase. So he told me.

Not sure that he would have if I hadn't pressed him. Don't know how I knew! We've been together a long time and I could tell something was up.

Dirtybadger Wed 29-Oct-14 10:59:06

I think most people consider kissing to be cheating? Obviously we set out own "rules"/boundaries but I think it's assumed to be cheating for most people. So...a big deal.

I assume you haven't had a chat telling one another that you're okay with kissing other people.

Did your dp tell you? How do you think he expected you to react? Is he apologetic?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 29-Oct-14 10:59:45

After that, the suitcase would be repacked and he would be out the door.

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:00:17

Well the other lads who were with him didn't know it had happened so I guess he didn't have to tell me.

I don't think he slept with anyone else. You never know tho right? And that's what does you in.

Dirtybadger Wed 29-Oct-14 11:00:58

Cross posted. Okay in this case I would be very worried that he has done more than kiss someone. Kissing is pretty arousing. One thing leads to another. Obviously people do just kiss, but...I can't remember the last time I kissed someone new and it didn't end up going other places the same night maybe just me

ChillingGrinBloodLover Wed 29-Oct-14 11:01:07

How did you find out?

There's a reason that prostitutes don't kiss their clients, it's too intimate. So why you should be forced to think it's ok for your partner to do that is beyond me.

Not sure why you'd stay with someone who thinks so little of you tbh.

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:02:20

He was apologetic.
And kind of dismissive too.
I pulled him up on the 'it was nothing and a brief mistake and she tried it on with me..etc' dickish behaviour. I am not having any of that. I said to him that if he can't be accountable for his behaviour then what's to stop it happening again?

ChillingGrinBloodLover Wed 29-Oct-14 11:03:39

Sorry cross posted. This new little iPad mini is taking a bit of getting used to!

Has he got form?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 29-Oct-14 11:03:39

Indeed.

Are you ok, love ? You seem a bit detached. Is it shock ? You feel trapped into accepting this ?

You don't have to.

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:03:59

I know that mistakes happen.

Doesn't make it right but it happens.

I am just so FUCKING disappointed in him. Things are really good between us at the moment.

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:04:39

I do feel a bit trapped into accepting this. You hit the nail on the head there.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 29-Oct-14 11:05:56

Trapped, how ?

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:06:11

I feel a bit manipulated.
I was so lonely when he was away.

I just love him.

ChillingGrinBloodLover Wed 29-Oct-14 11:06:13

It strikes me that if it really was 'nothing' just some drunk girl taking him by surprise, and him not playing any part in it, you wouldn't have noticed a difference in him when he got back. He was. Leary still thinking about it/her.

hamptoncourt Wed 29-Oct-14 11:07:10

How can you say things are really good between you at the moment when he is off snogging other women?

If this is what you class as good then what does your relationship look like when it is shit?

He is minimising his behaviour to make you shut up. You seem to want to be the "cool girlfriend" who just takes it in her stride and turns a blind eye.

How about being the girlfriend who has self esteem, boundaries, standards?

ChillingGrinBloodLover Wed 29-Oct-14 11:09:08

It's hard when your heart is telling you one thing but your head is shouting something else.

Of course you missed him when he went away, you live with him, it leaves a gap. However, if it was permanent you'd fill that gap with happier things.

Fairenuff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:09:58

Why do you say it's not a big deal?

Have you both agreed that you can kiss other people now and then?

bitpissedoff Wed 29-Oct-14 11:12:00

Well...

The backstory is that a few years back, things were shit between us. I wanted to leave him etc. One night I found some texts on his phone from a girl at work saying that she wished he'd gone back with her that night etc after a staff do.

I went fucking crazy at him (of course). He couldn't accept any responsibility for it because he said they didn't kiss. Although he later admitted to dancing with her on the dance floor and getting a boner <vom>

I knew her. I called her a very calmly suggested that she look elsewhere. I have been civil to her (our paths cross through work).

Anyway, I really didn't cope very well with the whole thing. It took me months to get over it. Eventually, I text her after she had the cheek to send him a birthday card telling her to keep clear.

Doesn't look good does it

But now I do feel under pressure to not freak out like last time.

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