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Ex going through my bathroom bin!

(102 Posts)
MoonshineWashingLine Mon 27-Oct-14 13:55:39

Ex comes to collect dd from my house a couple of times a week. Every single time he says he needs to use the loo and I've noticed a few times now that the rubbish in the bathroom bin has been dishevelled after he's been in there.
He was verbally and emotionally abusive when we were together and things were hard after the break up but recently I thought things were improving. Mostly due to the fact that he's seeing some other poor women, who he has told me was in an abusive relationship herself prior to seeing my ex, so I assumed he had detached from me and moved on to her...
However he still tries to pry in to my personal life occasionally under the guise of pretending to be concerned about me or something (ie. 'Oh why are you going to the doctors? I hope you're ok.' Etc etc) and now I am fairly certain he's been checking out my bathroom rubbish!
I'm not sure whether to approach him about it via text... he will no doubt deny it but I'm of a mind to say if he can't respect my privacy he's not coming in the house.
I actually move in a weeks time so I'm wondering if he will be like that in my new house... I still live in the house we shared at the moment.
He also asked for my new address today (in a text) and he said 'if you want me to know where you live that is' which I found really odd. I didn't think anything about giving him my new address until he said that (and niw the bin incidents!) So I haven't actually given it to him yet...
Feels like just as I start to think things are improving he goes and does something idiotic again!!

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Mon 27-Oct-14 13:56:36

Doorstep handovers are your friend.

Whereisegg Mon 27-Oct-14 14:00:16

I agree to doorstep handover.
I would probably have replied to his text with "Why wouldn't I want you to know where I live? It's not like you're going through my bins or anything", but that's not a recommendation!

AMumInScotland Mon 27-Oct-14 14:04:13

Don't let him in. Start from day 1 in the new house. Have your dd ready to go, and her bag at the door. If he says he wants to use the loo, maybe ask if he has some sort of medical problem. Then say, "No I think it's better if we do things differently now that I'm in my own place. I never felt the old house was completely mine with you in and out all the time. Much better to draw a line under the old days"

Asteria Mon 27-Oct-14 14:06:40

Doorstep handovers are the way forwards. Keep conversations to dd and typically British stuff like the weather. Don't enter into anything personal so he has nothing to feed off. You could always empty the bin when he is due to collect dd - that way if he is desperate for the loo then he has nothing to rummage through.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Mon 27-Oct-14 14:10:21

I wouldn't let him use the loo. I presume he is heading off straight home/to a place where they have toilets or come from such, so just laugh at his manipulations

Francescal88 Mon 27-Oct-14 14:14:24

How weird. Do you think he's looking for evidence that you're in a new relationship? Used condoms/pregnancy test or something??

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Mon 27-Oct-14 14:20:42

totally agree re doorstep handovers and tell him this before you move
be prepared for him to be desperate for a wee/poo/bin rifling
point out the nearest public convenience and tell him 'good luck!'

pre-move, itching powder all over the bin

or write a love letter from someone saying things like 'i'm sorry my penis was too big and my Ferrari too uncomfortable, please can we try again, i will leave the Chippendales so I can spend more time with you, i love you' etc and chuck that in there

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Mon 27-Oct-14 14:25:32

heh !

partyskirt Mon 27-Oct-14 14:26:44

Brilliant The Batteries!

choochoomcgrew Mon 27-Oct-14 14:28:04

Why do they do that? I was really ill straight after my last break up and he was looking after the kids and I was in bed when they got home. He actually came up my stairs and used the bathroom and went through the bin.... Kids are teens so would expect them dropped outside and that'd be all!
He drives me mental still, it's very very rare he'll come to the house but would still go and smoke on the garden, pat the dog so she sheds everywhere argh, hate it.

What the others said, now it's just your place, doorstep.

MoonshineWashingLine Mon 27-Oct-14 14:33:53

Some great suggestions there, thanks smile
Doorstep handovers sound like a good plan. He will definitely plead to use the toilet as he knows that I know his bowels/bladder aren't too good and he has always been a frequent visitor of the loo... he even said today that he's concerned about his prostate and is going to go to the doctors!!
I might write a big note that says 'looking for something?' And stick that in there...
He probably does suspect I'm seeing someone, although I'm not, but I am on a dating website that 2 of his friends/work colleagues are also on so no doubt they will have told him I'm on there.

trulybadlydeeply Mon 27-Oct-14 14:41:48

I would do one of two things...

Remove the bathroom bin before he arrives.

Put something really messy in the bin -e.g lots of ink from a pen that happened to have leaked.

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Mon 27-Oct-14 14:44:38

.....or something messier, trulybadlydeeply, like polonium

(there is a small chance I might have gone too far)

SolidGoldBrass Mon 27-Oct-14 14:45:22

Even if he does need the loo, rather than using it as an excuse to search the house, you don't have to let him in. Abusive men are often keen to invade and piss on your territory and it';s fine to refuse.

FolkGirl Mon 27-Oct-14 14:46:18

Or used tampons.

Or shitty loo roll.

Some vomit soaked cloths.

LisaMed Mon 27-Oct-14 14:48:04

My suggestion is that until you move house you let him use the bathroom every time, but always make sure the bin is empty. It will drive him crackers. Never refer to it, just give him nothing.

When you move I suggest that you say that it is important for the sake of the children that they are not confused by him coming into the house, so he cannot cross the threshold. Smile blandly.

Never give him anything - it will be worse for him than itching powder in the crotch, imo.

RustyDalek Mon 27-Oct-14 14:50:29
Get this bin, it goes on making a noise till you close it - you'll know he's been in there, and how long for - and he'll know you know....

oldgrandmama Mon 27-Oct-14 15:18:45

Primed mousetrap in the bin.

Asteria Mon 27-Oct-14 15:20:13

Ooh! Mousetrap sounds good! You could just say "oh I'm so sorry - I noticed the bin had been disturbed and thought it was a mouse"

oldgrandmama Mon 27-Oct-14 15:24:27

... and instead it caught a nosy rat! grin

Germgirl Mon 27-Oct-14 15:25:36

I was about to say mousetrap!

VivaLeBeaver Mon 27-Oct-14 15:32:34

I'd leave a big poo in it. Hidden under some tissue.

MackerelOfFact Mon 27-Oct-14 15:34:36

Get a few of these and leave them casually strewn in the bathroom bin with some hair conditioner or something inside.

daisychainmail Mon 27-Oct-14 15:45:14

Is he coming near halloween OP? Surely you could do something funny. Fake blood and several eyeballs, etc.?

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