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need affection - but going about it all wrong

(9 Posts)
tawdryslapper Sun 26-Oct-14 21:21:58

I've been around for a bit, but NC'd for this as its a bit rubbish. My marriage is dead in the water - no affection, no consideration, we're more like housemates than partners, but we are both too ostrich-y and frankly lazy to split up properly.

I am desperate for someone to touch me and show me some affection. My DC is autistic and not in the least 'huggy'. My mum doesn't do physical affection, although I know she loves me very much. My friends are amazing but not the touchy-feely type. I jsut want someone to hug me, or stroke my hair, or kiss me...or anything really. Not even that bothered about sex, just want affection.

I fancy the bones of this chap at work. We don't work in the same area, so i see him quite irregularly and could easily avoid him (and he me) if necessary. He has no idea that i find him attractive. Would it be utterly out of line to send him an email saying "i think you are gorgeous. If you fancy a drink some evening, let me know. Cheers, TS"?

Is it a stupid, risky idea? Will he think I am some mad bunny boiler and try and avoid me for ever? Worse, will he print out my email and put it up on the staff notice board with 'know your place, ugly face!' scrawled across it?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 26-Oct-14 21:32:43

It's a daft idea. If you're going to take a lover or similar, don't trawl your workplace. Far too close to home and far too big a risk of it going wrong.

Therewere5inthebed Sun 26-Oct-14 21:38:15

I understand exactly how you feel regarding needing affection but work is not the place to find it, too many risks to mention. I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your predicament but if you find one please let me know! sad

YvetteChauvire Sun 26-Oct-14 21:42:04

The answer is to take your head out the sand and resolve the marriage issue, either by divorce or try to improve things via couples counselling.

The only men who will be interested in a married woman are horrible. The good guys will run a mile from you and will be (rightly) offended that you have tried to involve them in your problems.

SelfLoathing Sun 26-Oct-14 21:43:50

I am desperate for someone to touch me and show me some affection.

I know how you feel OP and I am single. Sometimes I idly contemplate having a ONS (which I've never done and wouldn't) not because I want sex but because I want a cuddle and to be held afterwards - which is ridiculous reason to have sex!!

I posted this on another thread but I read somewhere that if you are feeling like this booking massage can help because touch is therapeutic.

I'd be interested to know if anyone else has any suggestions as to other ways to deal with this.


As to your question, do NOT send that email. Yes it is utterly out of line. Apart from that, it's a bad idea. You don't know how he will react - he could complain to HR about inappropriate behaviour at work or sexual harassment. What would you do if he forwarded it to everyone in a "ha ha. look at this" way?

I agree with Cogito. If you are set on taking a lover (which is probably not the best way to deal with your underlying problem) avoid work like the plague.

Sylvana Sun 26-Oct-14 22:42:22

I hear you OP! Same for me too. Feel desperate for affection at times. I've told DH so many times but nothing changes. Don't email the guy at work, you will just look sad. No advice for you but feel your pain. I had therapy earlier this year and it helped.

Dirtybadger Sun 26-Oct-14 23:00:35

What Yvette said. I would be insulted by a married man (bear in mind your story is the same as every other married person rolls out- true or not) trying it on.

A loving partner might be what you need but you need to sort out your unloving one first. Then not rush into something else. Tough but best in the long run.

WildBillfemale Mon 27-Oct-14 06:13:08

DO NOT send that e-mail! you are married and have no idea if he is interested in you or not, you will be the subject of office ridicule if you send the e-mail. Think in reverse if that was a married man sending it to some girl he fancied..........

I once saw a 'chalk board' outside a massage place (proper massage not kinky) advertising that if you were single and missing touch treat yourself to a massage. Not sure if it works and it's not affection but human touch is very very important.

Riverland Mon 27-Oct-14 06:17:53

Meet has cuddle workshops where singles can get loads of hugs. Non sexual.

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