Positive Self Talk- care to try?

[grumpasaur]

Hello all!

I have no idea how to link to my other thread as I use MN on my mobile, but in short, I sought advice about how to reverse worrying behaviours I was seeing in myself around criticism of my self and others, obsessing over having a spotless show home, and generally feeling snippy and bitter.

Was given really good advice- one of which was to start forcing myself to practice positive rather than negative self talk.

So I start now. Every night for the next month I will come on and write down three things I am proud of- either daily accomplishments or longer term things.

Please do the same!

I am not brilliant at checking regularly, but will be on every evening at some point to add my three things (and read yours).

Anyone welcome!!

[grumpasaur]

Today my three are:

1. picking up the phone at work to have a difficult conversation rather than hiding behind email, as was my inclination
   
   
2. showing interest in DH Japanese lessons for the first time since he has started. I actually really enjoyed what he was telling me!
   
   
3. starting this thread, to urge myself along as well as hopefully to facilitate other people to benefit as well.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Hi Grump. I wish my husband would see and do this but alas he would be critical. So I Will do it for myself.

1. This week I have gained some control of my work and made some good decisions
   
   
2. I am having positive thoughts about my future, with or without husband
   
   
3. I have arranged to meet long neglected friends.

[plus3]

I will try this:- my inner critic is starting to take over...

1. really laughed with my DC this evening - was lovely
   
2. I was tired today...I allowed myself to rest (this is huge actually)
   
3. I submitted some paperwork in the nick of time (more luck than anything!)
   
   This is a bit like the 100 happy days...it is a challenge but well worth doing. I look forward to reading each of your achievements

[Panad]

Good for you. I have being doing positive affirmations on a daily basis for years and years.

[grumpasaur]

These are all great! Well done ladies.

Nottalotta- this is for YOU, not DH. Probably will support your excellent #3 :-).

See you all tonight!

[Sparrowlegs248]

I know what Grump but that #2 is for me you see. Its been a long time coming. I have lots of plans for today, and Will easily manage 3 later. :-)

[1Cheesedoff]

Great thread:

1. working towards controlling my nerves for interview next week.
2. Deciding to live a happy life instead of letting my partner suck the life out of me with his negative behaviour.
3. Live in the moment and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow.

x x x x x

[grumpasaur]

Nottalotta- ah yes sorry, I meant number two :-). I think your list is great and am pleased for you.

Looking forward to everyone's lists tonight!! I have had a hard day at work so am going to be working hard tonight to make a bad day end well :-).

[plus3]

Hello - hope you all had good days..

1. DH doing bedtime - good for many reasons!
   
2. painting skirting & door frames - nearly another thing crossed off my list
   
3. trip into town which didn't result in DS getting beyond himself
   
   Mine might be a combination of happy/positive things that have happened today rather than things that I am proud of ... Still positive affirmation if that's ok?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Evening all. Didn't quite get as much done as planned, got distracted by looking though old photos at my parents. So, my three positives for today...

1. rode my horse for the first time in 6 weeks. I have lost confidence and he can be a total idiot at times, so proud of myself to overcome my fear and get on with it. It went well and he seemed pleased to have done something.
   
   
2. went to visit my family. Parents, siblings, nephews. Didn't get cross with anyone. (not easy) which ensured it was 'quality' time
   
   
3. haven't given in/backed down on the standoff with husband. I am usually the one to snap him out of moods etc and apologise. I am not doing it this time. Feel better for it. Reclaiming my self worth.

[Scottishmumofgirls]

This is a good idea. I live my life in a state of low confidence, being constantly criticised by my inner critic.

1. I came up with a good idea for both my brothers' Christmas presents
   
2. I was very pleasant and calm to the lady who drove into the back of my car today.
   
3. I went to the supermarket and did the shopping.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Evening all. Didn't quite get as much done as planned, got distracted by looking though old photos at my parents. So, my three positives for today...

1. rode my horse for the first time in 6 weeks. I have lost confidence and he can be a total idiot at times, so proud of myself to overcome my fear and get on with it. It went well and he seemed pleased to have done something.
   
   
2. went to visit my family. Parents, siblings, nephews. Didn't get cross with anyone. (not easy) which ensured it was 'quality' time
   
   
3. haven't given in/backed down on the standoff with husband. I am usually the one to snap him out of moods etc and apologise. I am not doing it this time. Feel better for it. Reclaiming my self worth.

[grumpasaur]

Plus3- totally okay! No rules here as long as it's positive and reduces any negative talk / self talk. Those all sound good to me.

[grumpasaur]

Nottalotta- those all sound amazing! Well done (and I am jealous of your horse. Such calming beautiful animals).

[grumpasaur]

Scottishmum- yes, me too. That is why I started this thread. On the one hand I am pretty confidant socially and at work. Inside though I am constantly feeling like a fraud and like I am not good enough. So this is a step.

I like your three! Well done (and hope you are okay!!)

[grumpasaur]

And mine-

1. really felt like I helped and listened to a lady who came into my work today for an HIV test. She was a heroin addict who felt embarrassed to come for a test due to her addiction issues, and when she left and promised to come back in three months, I really felt like I had created a safe and non-judgemental space for her.
   
   
2. I flirted with my husband today even though I didn't want sex, so he still felt like he had some body contact.
   
   
3. I didn't send a stroppy email at work even though I really wanted to... I mean really wanted to... And instead opted to request a meeting. I am LEARNING.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thanks Grump. (horse is one of three.......I keep them forever so have an old and an ancient aswell as the idiot. They are all beautiful. ) I need to havet the talk with husband. I don't know that I have the courage...

[Sparrowlegs248]

Posted too soon....just wanted to say, Grump, that your #1 is pretty amazing.

[FelixTitling]

What a lovely thread. It's great to read all your positivities (is that a word?); I would love to join. I've been trying hard to be more positive for some time so this will really help.

1. Stayed calm throughout dd's monster 45 minute tantrum, and didn't give in to her demands. Afterwards she said she was sorry and that she loved me. That wouldn't have happened if I had lost it too.

1. I showed enormous willpower by resisting the cakes in Costa and just having a coffee.

1. Finally managed to return the phone I found on Friday to it's rightful (and very grateful) owner.

[grumpasaur]

Nottalotta, I am even more jealous! I don't suppose you live in the London area but if you do I will come tell your husband to feck off for you in return for horse riding privileges. Or even just horse brushing and cleaning and stroking privileges :-).

Seriously though- don't waste time wondering if you have the courage. The courageous part comes when you have to be honest enough with yourself to make those hard, life changing (enhancing!!) decisions.

You have already done the hard internal part. Now you just have to act on it- so just decide when to do it, and do it then. You are braver than you think.

And thank you- it was a hard day but one of those ones where I really felt that my work made a difference to someone, and I truly believe that on this occasion, it did.

[grumpasaur]

Welcome Felix :-).

I definitely feel this is a worthwhile way to end the day. It's already helping me!

I love your second point- very difficult. Hope you enjoyed your coffee and the guilt free feeling after!

(Not that cakes = guilt but in your case you didn't want to have one so may have felt bad after)

[Sparrowlegs248]

Sadly not London area Grump, otherwise you would be more than welcome! I am aiming for the talk today. After I have calmed myself with some horse stroking. :-)

[CurtWild]

Oh lovely thread..I left my abusive stbxh almost 9 months ago and he's recently been trying to reconcile, which has put my head in a fog and just considering it has made me realise my self belief is still really low.

#1 Resisted the urge to reply to his goading 4am text

#2 Switched off my phone after #1 (which is a biggie for me as I'm still fighting the conditioning of being 'available' to him 24/7)

#3 Planned leaf jumping and duck feeding with my 3 under 4's this afternoon and buying 'lumpquins' (pumpkins in case no one speaks toddler )

And it's only half nine!!

[grumpasaur]

Good luck today notta!! Just look at this as an annoying necessary step to happiness.

CurtWild- well done on numbers 1 & 2. Nothing good has ever come from a 4am text. Except for maybe pizza. But nothing else. I had an ex like that once. Turned my phone off at night. Job done. Once I woke up to 27 texts and about 6 voicemails. Luckily with the iPhone I could delete them all at once!

And number 3 sounds ace.

See you all later on!

[CurtWild]

On the few occasions I've turned it off before, there has always been a barrage of texts etc. Today there was just a petulant 'why are you ignoring me?' to which I had a choice few replies but did what works best - refused to engage and got on with making a full english brekkie. Love how little headspace he gets these days

Have a lovely day all, looking forward to reading your positive posts later