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Come to head tonight! He said its over

(75 Posts)
Mini05 Fri 24-Oct-14 20:23:34

so tonight he's getting ready to go out! Again no mention off this just him having shower/shave.
So I ask where you off too tonigh, usual place was his answer. I said so where's that then, it's nothing to do with you I don't have to tell you everywhere I'm going! I thought that's what people in relationships do communicate to each other. Few more things said, he not giving me any answers just trying to tie me in knots with his words and twisting things round onto me.
I asked why he's so secretive with his phone, and I said if you've nothing to hide so me to which he says I don't have to show you anything! He said something I can't remember now and something snapped in me! I put the tea in the fucking bin! To which he went ballistic calling me names Like cunt,bitch,bastard etc etc .
He then makes himself beans on toast (cause nothing puts him off his food nothing) so I start to tell him how he as been over last few months rejecting me(physically) to which he says "well your to dry" I fucking flipped and slapped his face(which I'm not proud off) and it just escalated from there!
He telling me that's it you've over stepped it no fucker hits me screaming it at me to which I say how dare you say that to me and not have the balls to tell me and abuse me mentally by rejecting me both mentally and physically.

He's gone on and on to say if I touch anything of his what he will do to me(police,solicitors) and how I will not get away with anything, at this point balling at me and if I come back and you have to my things you will be sorry!!

If he thinks I am just going to carry on living in this house with him till it's sold he can fuck off. He said I'm mental and because I hit him God knows what I'm capable off. But it's ok for him to ignore me and just come and go when he like(think that's ok to do, he's worked 40 years so can do what he likes)
He's gone back to when I was depressed really badly, and wanted him to stay and be with me and threw it back in my face how he could do anything. And how I didn't want him(physically).
Loads of shit as been thrown at me, also about my son(who as never said a bad word to him ever) 25, how he will never do anything for him again, and now we will be plotting together know!! Son keeps himself to himself never ever said anything about me to him ever.

I'm so upset off what he as been thinking(to himself) and not discussing with me! He also said he was depressed(wether he is??) to many things to site down. I just feel I've lived with somebody I don't really know and who thinks he knows what I AM THINKIN WHICH IS FUCKING FRUSTRATING

I want to chuck his fucking things on the doorstep, but the the other side of me comes in I can't .
Some stupid side off me tells me I still have feeling for him.

Stuckinastorm Fri 24-Oct-14 20:30:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stuckinastorm Fri 24-Oct-14 20:33:24

Of course you still have feelings for him, don't beat yourself up for it... But... From what you've said he really isn't worth keeping. Can you sleep in a different bedroom, label the food you buy with your name... You're not taking what's his, are proving a point that you won't put up with it, & feel good knowing he hasn't got the house to himself while it sells.
Chin up smile

Dowser Fri 24-Oct-14 20:35:05

Mini, it sounds like you've come to the end of the line love.

It's not good and you need to make arrangements to separate.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Fri 24-Oct-14 20:39:07

You might get a pasting on here, OP , bc you admitted to slapping him, but I want to say that your pain and bewilderment is palpable. I can see why you snapped. I've not got any good advice, but you'll survive this. Take care of yourself.

GoatsDoRoam Fri 24-Oct-14 20:45:40

You are describing a terribly unhealthy and damaging relationship that needs to end, immediately.

What can you do, on a practical level, so that the two of you can live apart while you sort out the details of permanent separation?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Fri 24-Oct-14 20:48:49

Well, this sounds completely toxic all round

I know people live like this, but it is sobering to see it detailed so vividly

OP, you won't listen to me but you need to sort yourself the fuck out

You will go back to this loser after your mutual screaming abusive abdabs and the cycle will continue

how utterly depressing

AnotherCloudyDay Fri 24-Oct-14 20:54:30

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pifflingcodswollop Fri 24-Oct-14 21:05:48

Anothercloudyday is that a wind up? DV is only real DV if the man does it??That is simply not true. The relationship sounds toxic yes,there is no trust and he shouldn't have spoken to her like that of course he shouldn't have,but nobody should ever be slapping/hitting anyone. If this was the other way round and the story was that he was trying to find out where she was going while she was getting ready and she didn't want to tell him,then he got cross and she got cross and yelled and then he slapped her your response would be different. DV is DV no matter who perpetrates it.

AnotherCloudyDay Fri 24-Oct-14 21:15:28

Not not a windup just sayin what stuckinastorn said. That's what emergency service told her and they must know.

AMumInScotland Fri 24-Oct-14 21:19:35

OK, you're angry at him, which is understandable. And you're confused because you can't just switch off your feelings for him. And you feel bad because he goaded you into losing your temper and getting physical - which we all agree isn't right, but I think we can also all agree was a one-off because you'd come to the end of your rope and not part of an ongoing DV situation from what you're saying here.

So... Things have been getting worse for a while, and this relationship really isn't working.

What reasons are there for staying together? You're talking about the house being sold - is that something you've agreed on as part of separating, or is it just something you're talking about rigt now?

Can you get practical advice about finances and benefits and things like that - from the CAB or a lawyer?

Do you have friends or family who can help you? Preferably help you to calm down a wee bit and talk through where you want to go with this.

PrettyPictures92 Fri 24-Oct-14 21:29:00

stuckinastorm You're utterly vile. Do you have any idea how many times I, and anyone else who's experienced DV, have been told it was our fault by our partners/exs?? Disgusting.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 24-Oct-14 21:31:26

How would you feel if he called the police? That's what everyone would be telling him to do if he posted on here.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Fri 24-Oct-14 21:32:27

I don't think anybody here is "vile"

there are some strong feelings, absolutely

when emotions run to violence, whether provoked or not, then rational people walk away and stop engaging

Primadonnagirl Fri 24-Oct-14 21:33:49

You both need to behave like adults. Yes his behaviour is disgusting but so is yours.

PrettyPictures92 Fri 24-Oct-14 21:34:36

Someone who can laugh about having beat their partner up and saying it's their fault is vile imo. I wasn't talking about the OP either btw, I've some sympathy for her though I don't think she should have slapped him.

MrsWolowitz Fri 24-Oct-14 21:47:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stuckinastorm Fri 24-Oct-14 23:21:25

I would NEVER laugh about domestic violence!!!!!! A friend of mine went through it & it's heartbreaking..
My dh had an affair, we have 3 very young dc's together who he took on his dates with her while trying for a baby with her & sleeping unprotected with me- that's just the start of it, my anger took over.. I am now diagnosed with depression, anxiety, lost a lot of weight through feeling too ill (heartbroken) to eat, left at home with the kids and bills, etc, oh yes of course it was ok for him to do this and more to me. How dare I have held any anger towards him. What's 9 years together after all. I'm leaving this thread, too many people too quick to judge

Mini05 Fri 24-Oct-14 23:24:39

I don't for one minute feel good about slapping his face, but when you've got a 6ft 2 man screaming abuse in your face threatening you and telling you your dried up and that's why the don't make love to you anymore what would you do
Smile, say ok darling, walk away!! It's easy when it's not happening to you !!
This was totally mental abuse.

How on earth do you continue to stay in a house with resentment and horrible disgusting things said about you. I can't share this house with him, yet we've nowhere to go. I put up with silent treatment being stonewalled for months thinking it would be talked through but never was each time I approached it to be told I'm not argueing, meaning shut up!

I don't know what will happen, but I'm not letting a man treat and say the most horrific things about me,and continue living in the same house can't be done unreasonable.

I have never hit anybody in my life!!! Before to night for the record

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Fri 24-Oct-14 23:30:00

Apart from anything else, slapping a man is dangerous - they're strong and if they hit back, you know it.

So are you leaving, or is he?

RJnomore Fri 24-Oct-14 23:33:58

Mini a snap and a slap is understandable, if not justifiable, and like others said a sure sign you need out. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

Being gleeful about having beaten someone up - several times - and denying that is domestic violence is neither understandable nor justifiable and yes I am happy to judge.

Mini05 Fri 24-Oct-14 23:44:14

I think people are getting it way out of context
I just managed to clip his face as he moved back from shouting into my face!!!
I stood there a let this man run me down and belittle me and call me every name under the sun, but I'm just suppose to stand there or walk away
That's what you would do.

I do not condone DV for one minute!!

PrettyPictures92 Fri 24-Oct-14 23:49:27

I was under the impression heehee was used to indicate gleefulness (is that a word?) and/or laughter.

Mini do you have friends or family you could go and stay with? The situation sounds like it could easily escalate, you're both a wound up and on edge atm and no, it's completely not ok for him to be intimidating you or screaming in your face or making you feel any fear of any sort, nor for him to say nasty things. Just the same as it's not ok for you to hit him either. Yes it was in the heat of the moment and you snapped, but he could have had you charged with assault and violence never solved anything.

I hope you're ok and I hope you manage to find some happiness

PrettyPictures92 Fri 24-Oct-14 23:50:47

Mini we're not saying you condon violence, we're saying stuckinastorm has basically condoned DV against men at least and tried to justify it.

PrettyPictures92 Fri 24-Oct-14 23:51:57

But yes, if you were in a position where you were able to walk away you should have

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