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"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

(720 Posts)
smokepole Sat 04-Oct-14 11:26:04

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

NotALondoner Sat 04-Oct-14 11:28:04

Under what circumstances did she refuse to lend you all money?

ArsenicFaceCream Sat 04-Oct-14 11:29:59

for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.


Pancakeflipper Sat 04-Oct-14 11:30:40

I don't know the full story but I would go. It's for a week?? Your children are going and its over Christmas and I'd want to be with my children at Christmas.
I would tell her this is why you are going, and you'll see how things go. You aren't going to ski hand in hand down the mountain like nothing has happened.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 04-Oct-14 11:30:49

You all fell out because she wouldnt loan you money? Many many people refuse to be a lender or a borrower......I might need a bit more context.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 04-Oct-14 11:30:49

I don't know your backstory.

Well if you're saying that your children will go then obviously you've 'made up' to a degree. If you didn't want to make up then you would allow this.

You're free to do what you want, your parents want to make up with your sister and for you to do so also. What do you want?

Your ex is neither here nor there, a red herring. What do YOU want?

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 04-Oct-14 11:31:27

You didn't speak to her for 7 years because she didn't lend you money?

ssd Sat 04-Oct-14 11:31:40

I dont know your story, but who says your sister should be lending you money, is it written in stone or something?

smokepole Sat 04-Oct-14 11:31:45

Oh Dear! She would not lend money for School Fees for DD1 .

I got a lot of different opinions for saying that on a previous thread.

Stratter5 Sat 04-Oct-14 11:32:43

Didn't pay for another child's school fees IIRC. Which she doesn't have to do IMO, I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for that, apart from me or my XH.

You cut your coat according to your cloth.

WorraLiberty Sat 04-Oct-14 11:33:01

I have no clue who you are and I don't know any of the back story

But from what you've said here, I feel sorry for your sister as it comes across as though she feels she has to buy you all a holiday, in order to heal the rift.

notagainffffffffs Sat 04-Oct-14 11:33:40

This has got to be a joke

WorraLiberty Sat 04-Oct-14 11:33:55


Why would she pay someone else's school fees? confused

ssd Sat 04-Oct-14 11:34:07

you sound really entitled, you expect us all to know your story like its a given and you expected your sister to lend you money


Pyjamaramadrama Sat 04-Oct-14 11:34:32

I feel sorry for your sister.

Grubber Sat 04-Oct-14 11:34:42

Can you maybe link us to a previous thread so we get the back story?

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 04-Oct-14 11:34:50

I feel really sorry for your sister.

weegiemum Sat 04-Oct-14 11:35:11

I wouldn't lend money for school fees!

"Should"? I'm the oldest sister, I see no "should" in my sibling relationships!

Stratter5 Sat 04-Oct-14 11:35:21

Well exactly, Worra; OP's family are all very over invested in each others' lives imo.

OwlCapone Sat 04-Oct-14 11:35:52

You have been feuding with your sister for 7 years because she wouldn't pay your DDs school fees? confused That doesn't sound like a loan.

I think you should bury the hatchet (metaphorically speaking!!) and accept her olive branch.

Obviously I don't know what else she refused to pay/lend for though and the whole "Ex" thing is just bonkers.

ArsenicFaceCream Sat 04-Oct-14 11:35:59

I didnt see your prvious thread either.

School fees are a non-essential.

Siblings have no legal or moral obligation to financially support each other.

It sounds like you have been in the wrong and she is offering an olive branch.

Your parents are in their 70s and desperately want a rapprochement.

The holiday is fully paid for (very generous of your sister).

What's the dilemma?

LadyLuck10 Sat 04-Oct-14 11:36:05

I think your sister made the right decision by cutting yourll out for so long. If that's your mentality then i don't blame her.

QueenBean Sat 04-Oct-14 11:36:29

Agree with the other posters, feel sorry for your sister having to buy you a holiday to mend a rift. Which you might not even go on.

What is the backstory? Why was your sister expected to lend you money for school fees? Can you link to previous thread?

Pancakeflipper Sat 04-Oct-14 11:37:04

I wouldn't pay for my sister's or my brothers children's school fees

There's a huge back story to this isn't there?

Oh this is going to be one of those threads...

smokepole Sat 04-Oct-14 11:37:19

Alvis. I did speak to her but it was "frosty" at times. I explained this in the thread " To be very concerned that DD is Telling lies to her form tutor about me".

A thread that attracted a far few "angry views" it must be said !.

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