Having an affair with ex boyfriend - how to move on

goldengoddess · 2014-09-29 19:12:12

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I need some advice and reassurance on how to get over an ex boyfriend who I am currently having an affair with. Basically I first went out with him 30 years ago (yes 30, that's not a typo!) when I was only 21. We went out together for about a year, I was totally in love with him, and then he finished the relationship - think he was on the rebound and was really badly hurt by his previous girlfriend who he'd only just split up with when we met .Anyway, I was heartbroken, and he was clearly in two minds about it as we continued to see each other on and off for the next five years. Looking back on it, I can't believe that I continued to leap into bed with him at any opportunity, but back then I thought that the best way to get him to love me was to sleep with him. If only I'd known that men have the ability to compartmentalise love and sex in a way that woman (or most women, me included), find very difficult. Anyway, he met and married someone else in 1990, and then I didn't see him again for 24 years, during which time I'd met and married someone else, and have two children with him. however, our marriage is now on the rocks - he's having an affair with someone else, but I don't blame him because things have been bad between us for years, and we had been increasingly leading separate lives. Last summer I resumed my relationship with my ex - we met up for lunch after meeting again via Linked In, and the attraction was mutual - it was amazing, after all this time I honestly didn't think there would be any spark between us.... how wrong I was. Of course, we embarked on a torrid affair, which was so so exciting, but became increasingly difficult for me. By Christmas I'd had enough of being the other woman and the bit on the side, and said that I wanted more from the relationship. He's always been very honest with me and made it clear from the outset that he never had any intention of leaving her. So we decided to end it in January this year, however, I find it really hard to let go, and we have been pretty much in touch ever since, and then I made the fatal mistake of meeting up with him again in July and had the most lovely afternoon with him, and then met up with him last week, and again had a fantastic time, lovely lunch, and amazing passionate sex. sorry that this is so long, but I just want to know how I can sever all links with him, and how do I get over him? Is it possible? I seem to have fallen for him all over again, and can't quite believe that history is repeating itself. I am aware of the fact that I am very vulnerable at the moment - going through a break up with my husband - and that my ex represents a familiar safe outlet. But my heart is breaking all over again, I love him so much and find it so hard to come to terms with the fact that he has rejected me not once but twice. Any advice gratefully received.

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