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Any brave babes about.

(17 Posts)
strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 21:10:05

I am an alcoholic. I am also 3 years and 2 months sober. I am happier than I have ever been and am marrying dp in 2 weeks. We are having a registry office followed by an intimate family meal. All good so far. However Dp parents have decided that his brother and sil who make up 2 of the 9 adults going need to be told my history. Why? Hmm possibly because my partner has told them he doesn't want champagne toasts and that he doesn't feel hiring a bus to the dinner is necessary.. I can be around alcohol. I was at a family meal 2 weeks ago where booze was flowing. It holds no attraction for me any more. I attend aa weekly. I am in no way uncomfortable with people drinking.
They have been trying to take over since we announced the date and this to me feels like a stab in the back. i cannot fathom why I should tell my future Bill and sil my "dirty little secret" They aren't even massive drinkers. What the actual fuck. I am sitting here in tears.

Fiddlerontheroof Thu 25-Sep-14 21:14:48

My partner has a similar thing, in that there is something from his past he doesn't want to share. He's shared it with me, and my parents and my sister, and that's it. Frankly, it isn't theirs to share and they need to back off. I have had to tell one person about my partner, and I asked him first.

I don't really know what to suggest, and why they think that knowledge will be important to know before your special day I do not bloody know , that's pants sad

Fiddlerontheroof Thu 25-Sep-14 21:15:58

...and by the way...it's not a dirty little secret...because you have done brilliantly and should be very proud...it's just not their information to share!!!

myfriendflickadee Thu 25-Sep-14 21:20:48

I'm not a brave babe but your in-laws are out of order. Your personal history is personal, nothing to do with anyone but you and who you chose to tell.

I would tell your in-laws that if they want you to share your medical history with everyone perhaps they could hand out the results of their latest Pap smear/prostate exam along with the service sheets at the wedding.

Hugs

strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 21:21:16

It's all to do with them and control I think. We said no to the fucking bongo bus and no to sils partner being a photographer so they have had to cast it back. If they want honesty I may share a few home truths. Sils partner has no photography experience btw they just assumed they could organise this. I am pretty close to telling them to fuck the fuck off. We kept this as low key as we could and yet there is still drama

strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 21:27:52

I'm crying my eyes out. Sometimes you just can't help feeling that nothing you can do is ever good enough. I was going to ask FIL to give me away in the absence my own narc dad ( whole other thread) but in one fell swoop he has cast a shadow on my day and managed to make me feel like a second class citizen.

strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 21:30:36

Partner has gone round there to read the riot act.
Wishing I had stuck to the plan of eloping. Or a mumsnet wedding grabbing 2 of you lovely ladies off the street.
Thanks everyone.

Meerka Thu 25-Sep-14 21:39:24

Damn that sucks. They are well out of order.

It sounds a very good idea to not tell them anything personal or secret in future. If you get pregnant, don't tell them early and dont tell them anything they can use against you.

The cat will be out of the bag now sadly but those who are worth knowing, will know just how damn much you've achieved in staying dry.

Don't let them spoil your big day. Please. Your husband to be is worth a hundred of them flowers

strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 21:47:24

If they have gone ahead and told Bil and sil I will still marry Dp. But it will not be a family event. They can forget the reception and their invite. Plan b will kick in

Mintyy Thu 25-Sep-14 21:48:38

Sorry you are so upset!

There seems to be a lot going on here wrt your future inlaws. Is it too late to postpone the wedding and get the air cleared before you marry in to this family?

moggiek Thu 25-Sep-14 21:53:21

What horrible people! It's none of their business.

strawberryblondebint Thu 25-Sep-14 22:01:01

I don't think they see it as horrid. I think they want a free reign over the wedding and how it's conducted. However it's far to late to disentangle myself. We have a dd together. They are elderly and thoughtless. Mil is usually ok. FIL however has a massive ego and thinks he can tell everyone to toe the line. I think I'm just stunned to be honest. Who would have thought that organising a simple family celebration would end up into a lets shame the bride thread so we can make excuses for not getting rat arsed. FIL has form for this. At bils wedding he went into a massive rage as he couldnt do a speech and because his friends couldn't sit where he wanted them too. Luckily that was before my time. Then mil got pissed and complained loudly about everything

Meerka Fri 26-Sep-14 15:00:05

How are you today strawberry?

strawberryblondebint Fri 26-Sep-14 15:14:17

Good actually. Do went round and told his parents exactly what he thought of them. They seemed to understand but I doubt they have much insight tbh. However I ended up taking back the power. I texted sil to be with a condensed version and I got back a lovely reply. She doesn't give 2 fucks about my past and congratulated me for coping with the in laws so far. She reckons words would have been had if she was forced to live so close to them. Dp is still pretty upset with them so we will avoid seeing them as usual on Sunday and make an excuse. Looking forward to a nice weekend. With the children. Dp normally works so it will be lovely to spend some time together. I tell you though I am emotionally drained. Finished work early and could go a wee nap.

Meerka Fri 26-Sep-14 15:33:13

it sounds like your SIL knows what they are like and is completely on your side, lovely to hear smile

horrible incident to happen, I hope you can have a lovely weekend. Best of luck with the wedding =)

MyPreciousRing Sun 16-Nov-14 20:27:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waffles80 Sun 16-Nov-14 20:35:32

Can your DD give you away? Just a thought. Makes it all about you, not about them.

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