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Calm the fuck down or enjoy the ride?

(45 Posts)

...so to speak!

I 'met' a man online about a month ago, we've been texting each other every day since. I really, really like him. We spoke on the phone then met up a week ago. I was massively nervous & worried there wouldn't be any chemistry irl. Turned out oh my god! there was chemistry I want to jump his bones

I am six months out of a 12 year relationship - until a month ago I was adamant that I would stay single for the rest of my days... But I can't stop thinking about him, he's fucking awesome! Not perfect, but could just be perfect for me. The whole emotional rollercoaster thing scares the life out of me though. Trying to keep busy & not obsess but I feel like a lovesick teenager...

HumblePieMonster Thu 25-Sep-14 09:35:02

Go for it.

seasavage Thu 25-Sep-14 09:36:33

A bit of both wink
Enjoy yourself

heyday Thu 25-Sep-14 09:44:30

If you rush in too quickly you could end up getting hurt. If you fancy the pants off him and want a quick screw by all means go for it but that may rule out any hope of a long term relationship. If you hope that this is something much more than just a quick shag, then take things slowly. Get to know him and don't jump into bed too quickly, regardless of how much you may want to. Other than that have fun and I really hope it works out for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Sep-14 09:45:58

Lucky you. Enjoy it, keep your wits about you and don't sign over anything you need a lawyer to get back. smile

hellsbellsmelons Thu 25-Sep-14 09:46:30

You're an adult and you're single.
Keep calm and go for it.
Rollercoaster rides are fab and thrilling!

cailindana Thu 25-Sep-14 09:47:26

Calm the fuck down.

Have a shag by all means.

But, seriously, tone down the "could be perfect for me" stuff.

You've known him one solitary month.

You know nothing about his past, his attitudes, his hidden quirks and habits. Have fun, go with the flow but please be sensible. Don't throw your heart in there to be stamped on.

kaykayblue Thu 25-Sep-14 09:58:41

Have fun and don't rule out a relationship on the basis that it's "too soon", but don't get carried away.

You barely know this man, and there's no point getting emotionally dependent on him. Especially since it may well turn out that your feelings for him are part of a recovery process - I know A LOT of people who got into very intense relationships shortly after a ltr broke down - the vast majority of them imploded relatively quickly.

It's natural to want to throw yourself into a relationship where someone seems to actually like you and want you - especially after a ltr has ended and your confidence was probably very low.

Just be mindful of that, and be careful.

Thank you for your replies smile

'Could be' - the important word being 'could'! I have a very specific type & long list of deal breakers - it seems like a miracle that anyone meeting my ridiculously strict criteria even exists!

I will try to be careful & not get into anything legally binding or irreversible but I can't promise that I won't shag him wink (after all, if he's crap in bed surely it's better to find out sooner than later? --voice of bitter experience--)

I'm fairly sure it's not a rebound thing, the break up was my decision & a long time coming - don't feel like I have to prove my 'worth' or attractiveness. Would be nice to have someone to have fun with but I'm definitely not looking for another husband.

It's going to be a long, long wait for our second date confused

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Sep-14 14:14:35

You definitely have to shag him. I remember once having the total hots for someone for, getting on like a house on fire and really being optimistic. The great day came when I got my wicked way and to say it was a disappointing experience merely hints at the abject dullness of it. It was so bad I didn't even think he could be improved with a little TLC and training.

Next!!

AmeliaPondsBaby Thu 25-Sep-14 14:15:28

Going through a horrible recent breakup I asked counsellor about dating (to take my mind off it maybe) and she said that grief can be delayed but not avoided. Meaning if you're still grieving for the old relationship, when the distraction is done the grief comes back. Seems to make sense!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Sep-14 14:16:33

Yeah..... but what's life without a few low down and dirty distractions? smile

AmeliaPondsBaby Thu 25-Sep-14 14:20:35

She did say neither choice was right or wrong, but just not to be suprised if the break up feelings surfaced later on smile Wise woman I think.

Dowser Thu 25-Sep-14 14:51:06

Slow it down.

Men are basically hunters. Don't be too easily caught.

Quote from Shakespeare's tempest
Prosperous

They are both in either’s powers, but this swift business
I must uneasy make lest too light winning
Make the prize light.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Sep-14 15:07:03

Why can't the OP be a hunter!? hmm Why does she have to be 'prey'? Maybe - to quote from 'The Big Bang Theory' - she wants to take him home, do unspeakable things to him, then kick him to the kerb with a smile on his face and teeth marks on his heiny?

WobblyHalo Thu 25-Sep-14 15:40:59

Oh Cog! That is brilliant! !

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Sep-14 15:51:44

Well..... I don't really buy this silly Mills & Boon idea of women as coy ingénues, lowering their eyes delicately from behind a fan protecting their honour while Mr Darcy twirls his moustaches and plots his way to get into her bloomers. The OP sounds like a grown-up having a bit of fun for the first time in a while. Could be brilliant... could all go pear-shaped.... but sometimes you just gotta throw caution to the wind and scratch that itch!

Dowser- are you my mum? No offence (and thank you for your beautifully written opinion) but that's exactly the sort of advice she would give & it's never done me any favours. I'm not a prize to be won.

Cognito- there will be teeth marks, oh yes indeed grin

MrsDavidBowie Thu 25-Sep-14 16:15:20

Have fun.

Thanks MrsDB.
Oh god, the suspense is killing me!

What if he's hung like a hamster??shock

MiniTheMinx Thu 25-Sep-14 18:23:07

Hung like a hamster grin I can never understand why any women would get down to it only to discover this. There are ways and means of ascertaining this sort of thing before you take your clothes off.

Mini, please elaborate - I was once very disappointed by a man in size 14 shoes! VERY disappointed.

MiniTheMinx Thu 25-Sep-14 18:42:17

Mm, that would be telling! But seriously this does confuse me.

Telltaleheart Thu 25-Sep-14 18:46:07

Ah now.. I am in a very similar situation at the moment and I totally understand the 'emotional roller-coaster' comment.

I think you are in a very precarious situation actually. It is the easiest thing in the world to say - yeah just have a shag - it will be OK. It may not be. Sex stimulates hormones which make it MORE likely for you to fall for him. If you are on the verge already...

Saying that, he may well be the love of your life but if you don't dabble then how will you know? If he is leading you astray, you may well end up getting terribly hurt, more so because you are just out of a relationship, I am sure you must still be raw.

Like me, you are vulnerable. I'm not telling you what to do but take care of yourself OP.

pippinleaf Thu 25-Sep-14 18:47:44

Go for it. If it ends it will hurt whether you rushed or took it slow. My husband moved in two weeks after we met. I don't regret it one bit.

I had another mad fling prior to this that moved very very quickly. It ended very quickly too and I don't regret that either.

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