Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
message to cancel party(23 Posts)
i am 40 in a months time and have a disco / party booked. I told my husband to leave after an affair and year of abuse ending in him trying to pull a women in a night club in front of myself and friends.
I am very upset and hurt and humilated by his behaviour and the friendships that he formed with other women and the support he gave them still haunts me. I am still grieving and breaking down in tears.
I was really looking forward to my party but can now think of nothing worse than a room full of guests, photos of my life reminding me of whats gone and a low turn out.
so what message would you put on the card.
I don't think you should over think it. Just do whatever you want to do. I think if it was me I would cancel it and plan something smaller with some close friends. I'm sure people would understand whatever option you choose.
Hope things look brighter for you soon.
I would reaffirm to your close friendship group that this party will be going ahead. Lean on them/ask for help to make sure it is well attended and that you have a great time.
Your STBXH will be hearing what a fab time you had without his miserable nature there pulling you down. And even if you cry a bit, you know that you'll survive this, and come out stronger.
It's really got to be your choice. You are reaching a milestone in your life and there must be so much to celebrate; good times, achievements, great holidays etc etc. Don't let this rotten man detract from all the good in your life. Mark this birthday, stand proud and reaffirm that you are a good person. It's up to you if you decide to celebrate with a party or just a smaller, quieter affair with a few close friends/family.
It doesn't matter how many people attend, what does matter is that you like or love the people that you spend the day with and that you surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and make you feel happy.
While i do agree with the others, you asked for help as to what to tell everyone. I guess you must have friends and acquaintances attending? For the friends I would probably go for the honest approach and use the opportunity to invite them to something more intimate (I'm sure you all know how rubbish the last few months have been, so I've decided to cancel my big party but would love you to join me for... instead).
For acquaintance you don't need to go into detail. Something like, "Due to unexpected events I've decided to cancel my party. I look forward to seeing you soon."
Hugs, it sounds horrible <3
Yep. Fake it till you make it. Ignore the twat and don't let him fuck up the rest of your life. He is disgusting pond life and not worth it.
Oh please. Don't do that. Make it the biggest, bestest party you can.
You have so much life to live. Make it a really positive memory. Remember anger and sadness are at opposite ends of the same scale.
Swallow anger and eventually you'll get depression. Let your anger pull you through in a positive way. You want to look back in a few years time and think " I did it'. I had a blast.
This is your new life now. Enjoy every part of it.
For my 60 th, I hired a beautiful location. I made yards and yards of bunting. I got a beautiful 50 s swing dress. All my family and friends were there. Some had travelled over 300 miles.
we had a fab buffet and a local two piece band. It was an amazing night and I had everyone there who had supported me over my sad awful time.
I have some lovely memories to look back on throughout that side time. They do help to obliterate the nastiness I endured from my ex.
Get angry , get motivated and get along to your party and show him. Even if he isn't there. Word gets back.
A month is a long time post relationship break-up. You can easily go from 'woe is me, my life is over' to 'fuck him, I'm amazing!'. What I'd tell your friends, however, is that you don't want this to be some All Our Yesterdays maudlin retrospective. You want to be looking well and truly forwards, not back.
Going against the grain but I would cancel. I wouldnt want to go ahead either, I couldnt "fake it" at all.
Rather than a big party, could you arrange a meal for your nearest and dearest so its a much smaller celebration? You are less likely to get drunk and maudlin that way too!
I would just put "Due to recent events my party will no longer be going ahead. Thank you for your love and support at this difficult time" or something like that.
I think I misread your first post OP.
I thought it had been a year since break up and re reading it after Cogitos post it is quite recent.
So, yes you are still grieving but you are only 40 once DLTBW ( my new acronym for don't let the bastard win). Have your party. Enjoy yourself like there's no tomorrow.
Like I said, get in touch with that anger and have yourself a blast.
Like Cogito says its not a pity party, it's celebrating the beautiful, amazing woman you are.
You'll look back at this when you are my great age lol and think didn't I do well. He broke my heart but he didn't trample on the pieces. I didn't let him.
Keep us updated ;-)
You have had some wonderful posts on here especially from women who seem to have been through pain and heartache and now they are trying to support and encourage you. I guess this is exactly what MN is all about.
This must be such a tough time for you OP. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Only you know what's best for you; having the big party or scaling down to something more intimate. But you MUST do one of them. Surrounding yourself with friends and positive people is vital after putting up with what sounds like a total cockwomble of a hopefully STBXH.
I hope that you'll be able to plan your ideal party, find something fab to wear, treat yourself to something indulgent like a spa day, massage, makeover, hairdressers etc the day before so that you feel great on your birthday.
Also, get one of those piñata donkeys from Asda, fill it with your favourite sweets/chocolates plus a LOVELY present to yourself (jewellery would be my choice). Stick a photo of your twattish husband on it and then batter the fuck out of it while your friends cheer you on. I bet that would feel AMAZING!
Your party is not only for your birthday but class it as a party to celebrate the huge weight that has been lifted from your shoulders by ridding yourself of a man who has made you feel like shit for how ever many years.
It's also a celebration of the new life and all the new exciting things you will encounter now he's gone.
Yes, bogeyface et al faking it can be bloody hard. I think you need lots going on and limited booze. I always found it hard but really impossible if pissed. It would be best of course to use the occasion to celebrate fuckwit-features being gone. But it's true that some people are naturally better at this than others, so cancelling would be understandable. I just feel that it lets fuckwit-features win. He is clearly an arse of the greatest magnitude.
But it gets easier with practice.
I think you should claim the saying "Life Begins at 40" for your own, if you can bear to. PP's suggestion of asking close friends to ensure it's a looking forward celebration is sound. Happy birthday in advance.
Just seen this on my watching list.
So what did you decide on in the end
Happy 40 th by the way ;-)
Hope you decided to carry on - a "Here's to new beginnings kind of party -out with the old (twatface) and in with the new - your new improved life without him!!!
Did go ahead with party. My lovely work mates saved the day and all turned up.so had 85 friends however some of it got back to my ex .It was hard and my ex mil to be wasn't able to see why I didn't want her there . A lot of it is to do with the no existing relationships the boys are having with there dad . He has got a new girlfriend who he met in front of me in a night club and continue to snog even after seeing me and then lied that it was a mistake until his poor embarrassed mates feed up wife said no cliff booked a taxi for them back to hers and went in with her . so the boys have been dropped in favour of her .. His loss .He feels he has done no wrong and deserve a relationship . if you say so
I did take the advise and reword Facebook invite so it was on the theme of life begins at 40 and I am celebrating me and my personal achievement of the last 40 yrs and looking forward which did get back to ex and hurt him ... Shame. .. Thanks for caring
Good for you NotMrs. Glad you had a good party. XH sounds like a twunt.
So pleased you went ahead with your celebrations after all.
Why should we cancel our plans on account of what someone else did to us.
I'm glad you found the strength to carry on and can look back at your party with fond memories.
Well done and your friends will have so much respect for the fact that you didn't wimp out either.
Onwards and upwards girl.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.