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husband wearing my clothes

(132 Posts)
mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 17:53:47

This is my first post under this name. I have been lurking along time but rarely post. So i realise this is a strange first post, but genuinely cannot talk to any one in real life about this.
I have just found out that my husband has been dressing up in my clothes. I'm not sure if it was once or more often,but my feeling is more than once. He took pictures and was masturbating wearing them. I am shocked and confused.we have been together for 15 years and I thought I knew him. I really don't knw what to do with this information.
I don't know if I should tell him i know or not. I can't help wondering who the pictures are for. I get he might want to look at pictures of himself if it is his thing, but pictures of his penis seem more like something he would send.
So my dilemma is do I tell him I know or not?

kaykayblue Mon 22-Sep-14 17:56:18

If this isn't a wind up, then yes.

You sit him down, show him one of the pictures and ask "what the actual fuck is this about".

Viviennemary Mon 22-Sep-14 17:57:48

You can't really say nothing. I agree say what on earth is this all about then.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 17:59:58

Hope he washed your clothes after having his wanky jollies in them hmm Of course you confront him with what you know. Why wouldn't you?

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:02:37

Definitely not a wind up.the problem with showing him the pictures is that they were on his tablet but gone now. I can't show him but I will have to admit to snooping. Not even sure why I was snooping. Wish I hadn't now.
I think I just wanted someone else to confirm what I know I should do.
No idea what's going on I feel so confused by this.
I've spent today trying to get my head around it all before I try to broach it with him

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:03:50

If I don't tell him I know maybe I can pretend it didn't happen?

ConfusedMum72 Mon 22-Sep-14 18:04:36

I think the question is whether its a problem for you, deep down? i understand its a bit of a shock but if he is still committed to you and not going outside, then it may be something you can adapt to. I think you should tell him, not "confront" him

Bowlersarm Mon 22-Sep-14 18:05:30

Talk to him. He may be relieved that you know.

jakesmith Mon 22-Sep-14 18:06:11

I think your right to an explanation is greater than his right to not have you look on his tablet
It's a bit weird but could be pretty harmless too. David Beckham admited wearing Posh's underwear after all.
I would ask about it but not in a confrontational way and see if it's something harmless that you can accept.
In the scheme of things it's not the worst betrayal or thing you could find a photo of on his tablet

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:07:26

Confused that is exactly what I'm thinking. I don't know if I can accept it right now which is why I'm nervous of starting a conversation. I am imagining saying I love you whatever but what the fuck!!? Not really supportive and leaving it open for a conversation is it?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 22-Sep-14 18:07:37

Yoy definetly need to start a discussion. "DH Ive seen something on the iPad that I think we need to talk about......" and go from there.

Try to wait until after this discussion with him before you decide how you feel about it.

MrsMinton Mon 22-Sep-14 18:09:14

It may be that the pictures are purely for him. His own porn of his particular fetish/kink. I would tell him that you know he has been wearing your clothes and ask if he can explain why. It must be a huge shock and you need to know his motive.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 18:10:45

'Not even sure why I was snooping'

Because something's wrong. You probably didn't expect this exactly but you were prompted by some subconscious suspicion.

Bowlersarm Mon 22-Sep-14 18:10:52

If you do bring it out in the open I think you have to be prepared that he'll want to carry on doing it but now with your blessing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 18:11:53

Who else has access to his tablet btw? If you could trip over photos so easily, others could have done.

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:15:20

I think I'm scared of what the conversation might lead to. I am sort of OK with experimenting but I don't think I could handle it as a regular thing.
I'm pissed off that he ruined my dress (its ripped) I'm annoyed that he wore my tights. I feel like I can't trust him because I don't know him anymore. I feel a bit scared of what this means for us. Is he unhappy with me? Am I not enough any more.
All things I should ask him but its really scary.

And yes i realisei was wrong to look and I invaded his privacy but seriously don't think this is the biggest issue here!

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:18:37

Bowlersarm that is o of my many fears.I'm not exactly revolted or disgusted, just confused and scared

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 18:19:06

Never mind 'is he unhappy with me?'..... are you unhappy with him?! Don't make his personal perversion your fault, will you? Ripping dresses and stretching tights.... very bad form all round. Was he going to pay for the damage? What's the relationship like normally? Are you happy? Is he a good partner and a sensitive & affectionate lover or is his attention elsewhere? What made you suspicious?

MrsMinton Mon 22-Sep-14 18:22:44

I would say it is not about how he feels about you lovely. i know two men who do this. For both of them there is a sexual thrill from the taboo, from the physical feeling of the items and textures. Until you talk to him you won't know his reasons or have any peace in your head. Better to talk to him.

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:25:26

We are happy. Or I thought so? Sex life OK, or as good as can be with 2 small children teenagers and both working full-time.
He's lovely, great dad. Sexually I know he would prefer more sex which is why I wonder if that is why?
But he makes me feel wanted and pays loads of attention to what I'm wearing etc (oh god!). But now I can't help thinkinghe was just wondering what he'd look like wearing that outfit etc

Fairenuff Mon 22-Sep-14 18:25:58

How did he explain the damaged dress to you?

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:28:00

I have to start putting the little ones to bed now but will be back later. It is a relief to tell someone and actually helping me to get my thoughts straight

mumpossible Mon 22-Sep-14 18:29:54

Fairenuff he didn't. He was mystified?!?
I made two comments aimed at drawing him out but was met with a silence both times which I stupidly filled because I got nervous about the answer.
What an idiot!!

Fairenuff Mon 22-Sep-14 18:42:54

If he says he is mystified about the dress then he is outright lying to you. Tell him you know what happened to the dress and ask him if he is going to be truthful with you now that you know. See what he says.

You don't have to respond, just tell him you need time to think about it and might have more questions for him. Take your time, you do not have to commit to anything, it's all very new for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 18:43:39

Who's the idiot? Him? You're not going to draw this out of him with subtle hints I'm afraid. Far too passive. This man has been keeping a pretty big secret for you don't know how long. He can lie with a straight face and not betray himself. Direct approach only.

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