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GPS Trackers and other useful devices

(40 Posts)
TheCheatersWife Mon 22-Sep-14 14:03:22

My H is cheating on me.

There is a huge long back story but what I want to ask about is tracking where he is going.

I know his routine well. I am thinking of planting a GPS tracker (or something else, if anyone can suggest anything)to track where he goes.

I know its illegal to track someone without their knowledge but it just so happens that he drives a car I own and thats in my name so - I will in effect be tracking my own car.

Please - I know some of you may mean well but I dont want to be told I should be putting my energy into dumping the cheating bastard and moving on. I am trying hard with that but i NEED to know.

My NEED to know who I am married to exactly and what he actually does is something I cannot get past (talking several years) and over the past few weeks when I have been the closest I have ever been to starting proceedings to leave him, I keep coming back to the fact I want, well no, I NEED to know, who I have been with for the past 20 years.

He is the perfect deceptionist. I think he sevretly thrives on the fact I only know of his cheating but do not know who, what exactly it involves. I dont even know if its other women, gang bangs, dogging, usuing prostitutes or god knows what. He drives off into the night - thats all I know. He currently thinks he is getting away with it and I am oblivious.

I just need to know this - my own little victory against him - just to know what it is he does and where he goes. He would rather see the marriage end offering no answrs than ever tell me anything at all.

I know the dynamics of our relationship are thoroughly fucked up. I have recently seen the light and with the recent help of some mumsnetters am plucking up the courage to leave - but I can't leave until I know what I want and need to know. Once I have left, I will never have the chance to find out. I need to do this for me.

So what is the easiest way for me track where he goes in my car? I dont have a spare smart phone, so not sure about aps. I need something simple to use and set up (I am a technophobe). It needs to be fairly accurate and silent and reliable. The smaller the better so I can hide it well (he hides condoms etc in the car).

So please - anyone done this? Can suggest anything? How can I easily track where my car goes?

FelicityGubbins Mon 22-Sep-14 14:09:36 I have no idea if they work, maybe you could get a second hand iPhone for less on a Facebook selling page and use that instead, also try taking his mileage when he gets home and again in the morning before he leaves for work, then you can work out a radius (look online for local dogging sites and see if any tally)

I am glad you are moving forward and will be rid of the bastard!

MrsCurrent Mon 22-Sep-14 14:11:58

Don't blame you one bit, I'd want to do the same. Sorry your H is like this. Have you considered talking to a private investigator as at least then you will be paying for expertees, they will have some equipment already?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 22-Sep-14 14:12:32

You're dead right that putting your energy into dumping him is the way forward. When it looks like a shit and smells like a shit, you don't need to send it to a laboratory to work out its chemical composition.

Taking your idea forward, however. If you do manage to trace his position you'll know where he is but you won't really know what he's doing or with whom. Understand that you NEED to know etc but have a feeling you'll end up with more questions than answers and it won't be much of a victory.

I'd be spending my money on a SHL and whatever it took to get my self-respect back into the black. Good luck

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Mon 22-Sep-14 14:12:47

You could easily use an apple product such as an iphone. I hope you get out of this horrible situation soon sad

RedRoom Mon 22-Sep-14 18:28:47

No judgement from me: I'd want to do the same. You need answers.

If you have a spare wheel compartment in the boot, or a little pocket under a seat etc, a tracker or iPhone on silent would do the trick.

As Cogito mentions though, you won't know what he's up to- only the last location of the car. A private detective or trusted friend who can report back what he does when the car stops is the only thing that will give you a fuller picture. However, if the street address is that of a massage parlour, that is going to be pretty self explanatory...

Hope you get the answers you want.

Honeezreturn Mon 22-Sep-14 19:05:34

If I were to use my iPad to track DH iPhone would he know about it and how does it work?
Could OP do this?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Mon 22-Sep-14 20:19:14

You need someone's Apple ID to track their device. If you don't have that you could easily hide an inactive iphone with the 'find my iphone' switched on, as long as you knew the Apple ID.

Snoopy33 Mon 22-Sep-14 21:05:09

OP Does you H have an iPhone or Android phone.

I can possibly help if it either - if it's an iPhone do you have access to the PC from where your H plugs in his phone when using iTunes etc?

Message me for more info.

Pinkballoon Mon 22-Sep-14 21:08:17

Depending on how much you have to spend, I'd say use a PD. The thing with the phone plan is that yes it will tell you where he's been, but for example if he was parking in a street of houses, how would you know which house he went into and to see whom? What about using the location from this to go and sit outside one night/ day and see who answers the door etc?

What about his bank statements? You can look up petrol stations and shops that he's using from their codes on his statements. He might be filling up and buying stuff in the area he is visiting. And he might stop to take out money nearby where he's going - so the bank branch might come up in the statement. IME, men think that they're being clever and covering their tracks, but they rarely do. And the bank and credit card statements will usually be the key to it all.

AnyFucker Mon 22-Sep-14 21:12:41

Will leave the techie advice to people more knowledgeable.

But say it leads him/you to a club, a house, a strip club, a random address with pampas grass in the garden

you still won't have your "proof" unless you see him balls-deep in someone else/other equally compromising position

how far will you keep going

it's just delaying tactics, love

you are sabotaging yourself, and if as you say he thinks he is getting away with it, IMO he is

Pinkballoon Mon 22-Sep-14 21:23:09

I do sympathise with her need to know Anyf…. The not knowing can drive you mad. And sometimes when you finally see it for yourself it actually allows you to cut off and move on. I know that was the case for me anyway.

georgeousgeorge Mon 22-Sep-14 21:26:57

get a tracker installed in the car....there are many options, you track using an app on your smartphone. it gives you a map location, just google insurance car tracker./ Someone comes and installs it.. (we have an M3 so had to have one!)

AnyFucker Mon 22-Sep-14 21:27:19

but how far to take it, Pink ?

OP will drive herself nuts and for what ? Seeing him actually nobbing someone ?

Sorry to be crude, but what more would it take, seriously ?

georgeousgeorge Mon 22-Sep-14 21:28:14 for example

phone them up, tell them you want an insurance approved tracker and you want to see where the car goes - you can always say a work employee is using the car (a nanny???) who you want to check up on?

TheCheatersWife Mon 22-Sep-14 21:30:53

Thanks for responding.

Snoopy we both have android phones.

I may be able to get a spare one - we have just replaced one of the kids old crappy Samsungs because it wasn't working properly - I could see if apps work on it and use that. I am worried about downloading an app on his phone because he would probably notice it. His phone a very cheap crappy Samsung too btw.

Pinkballoon Thanks for the ideas. I have full control of our bank account because I do all the family admin but he is crap with receipts and does tend to leave his wallet in the car. He uses alot of cash and uses a cashpoint at his work alot but I will trawl through our statements to see if anything comes up. I have been keeping a mileage log and I know he travels between 10 and 35 miles for his encounters.

I had noticed he always seems to have £50 odd in his wallet and I think he has been using cash recently from an envelope of a few hundred quid given to the kids for their birthdays from an elderly aunt. It has been sat in a safe drawer in the house whilst I looked into opening a new kind of saving account for the kids (I closed their old savers and opened bonds a while back to get a better rate but cant add to them). He will pay this back I know that. I could just take the money from our current account and open an account when I get around to finding one, but I think its very convenient for him. I think he is filling up the car using cash. He also has sly tactics like suggesting we all go out in my car (the one he uses) on a random trip (even though its a smaller car than the family one), and then fills up to the brim with petrol.

I know a GPS wont give me an address but yes - once I know the street I can do a stakeout. If it takes me to dogging spot, country layby then I know it will be somewhere he uses pretty reguarly. I have already established mid week trips are only 10 miles or so away and weekenders are 30 miles away. All his overnight trips come to 4 different mileage totals - so I am guessing 4 different locations.

I just want to know more. I may never get the full story but I want to know I tried everything I could t get some idea of who I actually spent 20 years of my life with.

AnyFucker Mon 22-Sep-14 21:33:36

I wish you peace, love

I just don't think that doing this will help you achieve it. I hope I am wrong. x

Yambabe Mon 22-Sep-14 21:34:18

You can do it on google now too.

Get a PAYG phone with data alowance and log into your google account. Leave it in the car.

It then timestamps its location throughout the day.

Check where it's been here:

Still doesn't tell you who he has been with and what he's been doing though.

TheCheatersWife Mon 22-Sep-14 21:45:42

Thanks Yambabe. That maybe a starting point and pretty much cost free.

Anyfucker - you may be right but I want to know more. I just NEED to. I dont think I have much more to lose in feelings and dignity tbh.

Snoopy33 Mon 22-Sep-14 21:49:30

If you go the PAYG route use the android my devices (google it) it will give you the live location.

AnyFucker Mon 22-Sep-14 21:54:46

We will be here to help you pick up the pieces. Rest assured about that x

neiljames77 Mon 22-Sep-14 22:04:10

Can't believe I'm advising this but if you think he's at it in the car, you could hide a voice activated recorder in it. They cost about £15.

hugefatso Mon 22-Sep-14 22:11:21

I work in the investigation side of the securities industry.

In your position I would get a (hardware) keylogger. You literally plug it into the computer he uses and it looks just like a normal USB cable, and can even have some crap on it that you apparently want to transfer or use (word documents or pictures or whatever.)

Once it's in and set on a certain mode, you can record every keystroke he makes. Passwords to accounts, 'chats' with people etc. Getting the full "dialogue" of his life will give you a lot more information (times, dates, intentions, declarations) than a GPS tracker that winds up on some random street where he could also pretend that he was somewhere else.

The alternative is a software key logger. But with that you have to download information on to that person's phone or computer - and then you get sent updates of what they have been writing.

This is also good:

Ruhrpott Mon 22-Sep-14 22:16:27

I bought one of these after my daughter (she has no short term memory so can't remember where she parked the car) lost in the car for a few hours, works ok but a bit of a hassle. You send it a text message from your phone and it sends you back a goole maps location with a link. Each time you ask it where it is it costs about 5p for an SMS back with the link. It has a SIM card in it which needs to be preloaded with credit.

Now she has a drive plus box plugged in the car from direct line car insurance, lowers her insurance and I can see where the car is if she loses it again and it's free.

GlitterIsJustVampireAsh Mon 22-Sep-14 22:25:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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