Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

First lesbian date? Clueless old bird needs your help.

(229 Posts)
Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 16:23:11

In short: was married to a man for years despite knowing I was gay from young age. Marriage ended amicably several years ago, but there's been too much going on in recent years for me to consider dating. Have NCed as I've posted so much on here that would identify me!

I have never dated. My relationships have evolved from close friendships.

A woman I've met a couple of times (and really like) has asked if I'd like to discuss a shared interest (let's say "upholstery" for the sake of anonymity) over wine. I've said yes. I know she's gay. She knows I'm gay. We've fixed a date. But is it a date, or is it just talking and drinking?

If I wanted to talk about 'upholstery' with someone and didn't want it to be misconstrued, I'd always say coffee, not wine.

Really, really hoping it's a date...

Any advice on how to read the signs, o wise and lovely MNers?

Nostromo Wed 03-Sep-14 16:45:40

Sounds like a date to me.

flickyhairredlippy Wed 03-Sep-14 16:47:03

Wine is definitely code word for sex.

Only kidding! It sounds like she's invited you over for a nice evening, and that you are equally excited and nervous! Go over and enjoy the company, see where it leads you.

AWombWithoutARoof Wed 03-Sep-14 16:49:11

I'd say it's a date, but I've badly misjudged that in the past grin. With men though, who of course are well known for not being fathomable.

Do you definitely know she's single?

I think the wine is a clincher. When is the evening of upholstery-related frisson due to take place?

VashtaNerada Wed 03-Sep-14 16:51:26

I would assume she's just being friendly and see how it goes. I wouldn't make any assumptions just in case!

Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 18:06:44

No, I don't know for sure that she's single. Meeting next week. Don't want to say any more than that. smile

I'm trying not to make any assumptions but after YEARS in the wilderness I'm finding it impossible to be calm...

I guess even if nothing comes of this, it's shown me I'm ready to get Out There. smile

Mitzi50 Wed 03-Sep-14 18:21:31

I just wanted to say I hope everything goes the way you want it to and that you have a great evening - good luck wine

Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 18:26:22

Thank you! So exciting to be entering a new phase! I have to be careful, though. I keep humming Whitney's 'How will I know?'. Then again, that was probably in the charts last time I was single. grin

AvonCallingBarksdale Wed 03-Sep-14 18:29:01

Stop humming Whitney, or the wine really will just be wine grin wink

Sounds v exciting, and, yes, I think it'd be coffee/tea if "business" wasn't on the cards!

velourvoyageur Wed 03-Sep-14 18:30:59

Aww grin this is exciting!

OP I hope we're going to get a full report, please, thank you v. much.

I think she is trying to be subtle but that it is a date.
You are definitely not embarrassing yourself by thinking/showing you think it's a date.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 03-Sep-14 18:37:31

I think she likes you but she's left it so she can say "Well that's really helped my understanding of upholstery!" if she needs an early out grin

I think wine is a good sign though smile

eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever Wed 03-Sep-14 18:40:14

Ah, well my favourite motto almost applies to this situation - hope for the best, plan for the worst... Though I think that should be plan for the best, hope for the best, but don't expect it. So, you know, wear nice underwear (for your confidence, before anyone leaps down my throat about sex on first dates) but leave off the LBD and fuck-me shoes ;)

mignonette Wed 03-Sep-14 18:45:26

Oh it's a date and I hope you have a fabulous time. smile

What are you going to wear?

Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 18:47:48

I'm not sure I own any fuck-me shoes, so there's no danger of that, cake grin.

TheRealNightsWatch Wed 03-Sep-14 18:48:34

Ooh good luck! Sounds very exciting. Enjoy your 'upholstery' chat! wink

Monopolice Wed 03-Sep-14 18:49:52

Unless it's tonight, there's always time to buy shoes grin

Be prepared and all that wink

Placeinthesun Wed 03-Sep-14 18:54:40

Sounds exciting and promising. Relax and enjoy.

Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 18:57:33

Don't get me wrong, I like a nice shoe, mono, but I have more urgent issues to address. Caterpillar eyebrows, for instance. And, in the very short term, cooking the kids some actual food and not just poking pink wafer biscuits through the living door while I sing the love songs of my youth. (I'm expanding the repertoire to include Huey Lewis and Climey Fisher).

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 03-Sep-14 20:49:19

Good luck O.P. Please come back and tell us how it goes. Not that I'm nosey or anything. Whatever gave you that idea.

Nearlyteatime Wed 03-Sep-14 21:17:02

Thanks! I will. (Warbling a bit of Alison Moyet as I go...)

Adarajames Wed 03-Sep-14 21:35:16

Awwww good luck, hope it is a date and all goes well, love that you're so excited about it �� x

AskBasil Wed 03-Sep-14 21:44:23

PMSL at upholstery.


Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 03-Sep-14 22:53:32

"Upholstery! Where my baby sits up close to me.
That's supposed to be
What life is all about!"
(All about!)

Guess the song, anyone? grin

Nearlyteatime Thu 04-Sep-14 06:43:12

Consensus among RL friends (who are all desperate for me to cop off with a nice girl after a crappy few years) is the same. Stay open, relax and enjoy.

I have a spare couple of hours in the city today. New pants can't hurt. (Unless they are spectacularly tight evil M&S suck-you-in-corsetry. Been there). NOT because I anticipate ANYBODY else seeing them, but because, as cakes says, (I paraphrase) they alter your bearing. And are considerably cheaper than a shoe.

Worried that I might actually start talking about upholstery next week. grin

flickyhairredlippy Thu 04-Sep-14 07:41:49

New pants, wax those eyebrows and shave those legs. got caught out once

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: