Why don't I seem to attract men of my own age?

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

I'm 45. Last three partners have been 23 30 and 33 and now I have a 29 year old expressing a strong interest.

It's very nice, and I don't have an issue with it per se, I have my own house etc, grown up children and not interested in having more. Not particularly looking for a relationship either. I've been single for three years now so it's not that I'm being seen out and about with young beaus.

I don't dress provocatively, I don't go clubbing or anything like that.. I'm flattered but baffled.

[getthefeckouttahere]

Because you're super hot obviously!!!

[kaykayblue]

Maybe they are attracted to your confidence and wisdom ;)

Be careful that you don't end up attracting idiotic man children who expect you to finance/mother them, though!

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

I wish that was the case getthefeck :o I'm very average, slightly chunky, bit scruffy but I can scrub up ok if I really try hard, which is getting rarer and rarer these days cos it's takes so long. Fat ankles etc..

Kaykay.. that's the thing, they don't seem to. Decent jobs, solvent etc. It's great fun and I'm not complaining but I do find it strange.
I'm not especially confident or wise.. I am friendly I suppose but that's it. I've met them all in rl, not via OD or anything like that (I'm far too chicken to try those sites)

[cece]

Is this a stealth boast?

[TDada]

Go girl.

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

Not a stealth boast at all. Just that the most recent one popped round earlier for a coffee and it got me thinking.

I really like this one but he's a friend of my ds who I think will disapprove.

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

Thinking about it I've never had a partner of my own age. Exh was 25 years older and then these younger ones.

I've only had 4 men my whole life. I'm just slightly puzzled about the age gaps

[MysteryMan1]

Nothing wrong with that. I am far more attracted to older women than those my own age. Definitely to do with confidence and maturity..

[niceupthedance]

I've only dated people younger than 35, i find older men boring. Maybe men your own age are looking for younger women?

[ravenmum]

This is interesting as I was chatting to a friend the same age as you who says that if she just wants some fun, she finds it pretty easy to go out and pick up young men, in particular. I wonder if it is the "just wanting some fun" that's the key point? A 30-year-old woman is more likely to be looking out for a potential dad for her children than a 45-year-old, after all.

[kaykayblue]

I would definitely counsel against dating someone who is a friend of your child.

It just screams "way too complicated"

[HappyGirlNow]

Maybe they think it's easier to get sex from omeone older than someone their own age? Not saying that's it, just speculating!

Or maybe they just like older women..

[Lucylloyd13]

Young men will always spot an easy lay. Perhaps you like the lack of pressure that a young man offers?

[HumblePieMonster]

Just go with it. I'm 56. I have interest from 51, 42, 40, 29... I'm too messed up to take advantage of these, but if you can cope with relationships, why not just enjoy?

And no-one on this earth could say I'm an 'easy lay'. So its not that. [smirks quietly]

[bigTillyMint]

!
What is there not to like - older men, meh!

You must have something about you to have attracted them - don't put yourself down.

Having said that, dating a friend of your DS might be a bit too complicated.

[ravenmum]

Who says the OP is an easy lay? Or are all 45-year-old women meant to be desperate for anyone who'll hop in the sack with them, so shrivelled that they are?

[springydaffs]

Hear hear raven!

[Scarletohello]

As I've got older I've been pleasantly surprised that younger men have been interested in me. They all say it's the confidence and experience they find attractive. Most men my own age (48) are either married, looking for younger women or a bit odd. Enjoy it! :)

[hellsbellsmelons]

I agree - enjoy it.
That happened to me a lot when I split with my ex.
I did finally find someone my own age and it's all good.
Enjoy the attention.

[bakingaddict]

Probably because younger men have less baggage than older men with ex-wives and kids to consider. I assume that maybe the men in their 20's and early 30's you are encountering have no ties to anybody and can enjoy making the most of opportunities that come their way.

I am not saying that you are desperate and gagging for it or giving of weird signals , far from it, just that it's a natural thing when two consenting adults find themselves enjoying each other's company without huge expectations such as long-term relationships, marriage or kids

[Fabulassie]

I'm your age and have experienced the same thing. Men in their 20's seem to fancy me quite a lot. Do they think I'm an easy lay? I don't know. If by "easy" you mean "doesn't want a bunch of drama, has her own busy life and can keep herself entertained when not with you" is easy, then yeah.

Also, there is nothing stealthy about my boasting. I'm hot and I'm not going to put on false modesty about it. ;)

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

Nope, I'm definitely not an easy lay, been on my own for three years and not been looking at all. Only slept with 4 men in my whole life.

None of them have been flings, all have turned into relationships of 8, 3 and 2 years respectively.

I don't need a man, I'm happy bumbling along on my own. My life is pretty sorted as it is so I can't be giving off desperation vibes.. I don't know what it is, as I said earlier, I'm not especially good looking, distinctly average in fact.
I can't lie.. it is a nice ego boost but I've never ever been out with someone my own age.

He's more of an acquaintance of DS really than a friend but agree with Tilly, the potential for mess might be too big a risk. Pity though cos he's quite attractive.. amazing body cos he has a very physical job :o

Ho hum.

[springydaffs]

Its finite though, and I'm not up for that as a dead cert! Not that this is about me but i have similar experiences - I don't even meet available men my age: as scarlet says, they're all/mostly 'taken'. Yy some young men may not want children but the majority do. That boat has sailed for me.

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

Oops cross posted..

yes fabulassie, I think you might have hit the nail on the head. No drama and no neediness.

[CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant]

Daffs yes, none of the ones I've been with have wanted children, and none of them have had any yet so perhaps that's another factor. I definitely don't want any children and I'm 45 so it would be unlikely anyway, perhaps they feel safe that I won't 'accidentally' get pregnant?

It's interesting and not something I ever expected. I just got to thinking yesterday and thought I'd chew it over with you lot.