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Marriage advice from Michelle Duggar

(36 Posts)
Bogeyface Fri 29-Aug-14 00:55:43

Read "Why a wife owes her husband sex" in particular hmm

Its kind of hard to know where to start with this to be honest. Apart from wanting to shake her! Scroll past the ads, it is all on one page.

17leftfeet Fri 29-Aug-14 01:01:29

She has been well and truly brain washed and unfortunately has done the same to her daughters

SoonToBeSix Fri 29-Aug-14 01:02:39

I don't think the advice is that bad tbh. I think if you are exhausted to point were you feel I'll then no you shouldn't feel the need to have sex to please your husband.
If it's just regular tiredness from being busy with the kids then I think yes you should have sex . Marriage is about putting your spouse before yourself.

SoonToBeSix Fri 29-Aug-14 01:03:16

ill not I'll

thornrose Fri 29-Aug-14 01:06:58

Marriage is about putting your spouse before yourself. that's not my definition of marriage. It's about equality and respect for each other and no-one giving in to the others demands.

Twinklestein Fri 29-Aug-14 01:07:53

Marriage is about putting your spouse before yourself

In that case why can't the husband put the wife first and not have sex because the she's knackered?

Lally112 Fri 29-Aug-14 01:08:38

I find it hard to read, for all the god bollocks mostly but I do think she has a point about the sex thing. Of course you can be too tired at times and he can be too but when it becomes too tired too much then your relationship can hit problems.

I say this from experience, I love my DH to bit, we have been together 16 years and I am still as in love with him and as attracted to him as I was in the beginning but the only reason I have ever considered leaving him over the years is lack of sex in the relationship. I struggle to accept that he sees things in his job that make him come home and not want any kind of sexual relationship at the time but when its a recurring theme it is a problem.

Bogeyface Fri 29-Aug-14 01:18:21

Marriage is about putting your spouse before yourself

Not in my world it isnt. Its about treating your spouse the way you want them to treat you, with mutual respect and understanding. Sometimes that means one person saying "not tonight love, I'm knackered" and the other one saying "Ok, I understand" and having a cuddle.

Bogeyface Fri 29-Aug-14 01:19:30

Meant to add that Michelle isnt saying that there is a mutual understanding of "use it or lose it" (which I get) but that a wife should always "render the marriage debt".

SoonToBeSix Fri 29-Aug-14 01:26:43

Twinkle yes he should put his wife first if she is exhausted.

MummyBeerest Fri 29-Aug-14 01:29:51

The woman makes me want to weld my vagina shut.

Just, ugh. What do you want for your daughters? "Jim Bob says..."

Fuck off.

And of course she puts her husband before her 19 kids. She has 19 kids.

You're not a fucking jungle gym!

Lally112 Fri 29-Aug-14 01:34:09

But you can turn it on its head in some circumstances and say that the husband should too, I think its just expected that the man has a higher sex drive than a woman and sometimes its not the case, in those instances you could say the husband should always render the marriage debt.

Its just not as common for a woman to be saying 'FFS why wont you sleep with me? why are you always tired/ stressed/ have a headache or some other pish excuse??' and when one does the reaction isn't the same as it would be if a man were to say this.

Darkesteyes Fri 29-Aug-14 01:38:59

Bet she wouldnt write a similar article with the genders reversed..

Because mens needs are always more important hmm

Lally my marriage is sexless. And you just dont see the same articles when its the other way around.

However no one has the right to co erce someone into sex they dont want.

ArsenicyOldFace Fri 29-Aug-14 01:41:51

On owning her sexuality:

Honestly ... it is a stress reliever for both of us! It is a good thing! It's not a bad thing! More women need to realize that it really is a wonderful thing and a stress reliever for both of you. I think that part isn't spoken enough in our communication, wives to wives.

That's her advice? That sex isn't a bad thing? And then;

What do you think of Michelle's open attitude about sex? Are you surprised?

Is cafe mom a mormon site? confused

LRDtheFeministDragon Fri 29-Aug-14 01:48:57


What a revolting attitude. I've never had a lower sex drive than any male partner and I can't imagine wanting to rape them - why on earth would a normal man want the 'marriage debt' from a wife too tired to want it? confused What on earth would be sexy about that?

ArsenicyOldFace Fri 29-Aug-14 01:50:03

She doesn't have much self awareness. The 'my friend Gala gave me some advice' section is just odd. She gives him sex because noone else can? I thought the normal idea was that if you don't, other people might?

Lally112 Fri 29-Aug-14 01:51:33

Darkesteyes I try to be understanding, but its not easy. I feel like I am coercing sex from him most of the time, at times it has felt like outright rape on him but I love him, I always have and always will and I want to be with him I just wish this one part of our marriage was easier fixed but you are right - no articles are ever written when its this way round. If he wants sex and she doesn't and keeps asking for it hes a pig and she should LTB but if shes the one practically begging for it and he wont then theres something wrong with him and hes not a real man.

LRDtheFeministDragon Fri 29-Aug-14 01:54:18

It's not uncommon though. It's a subject I've seen come up loads of times on MN.

Never seen anyone advocate forcing your male partner to have sex, though.

Darkesteyes Fri 29-Aug-14 01:58:07

Lally Ive actually found that when there have been articles written where its the male partner who doesnt want it , the onus is then still placed on the woman She usually gets asked "Has your physical appearance changed" Ive actually seen it happen on the Dadsnet board and on sites elsewhere.

IME there is always a lot of eagerness to place the blame on the woman whether its the male OR female partner with the lower or NO sex drive.

Darkesteyes Fri 29-Aug-14 02:02:02

YY LRD its not uncommon. The media and society in general like us to think that it is though.

LRDtheFeministDragon Fri 29-Aug-14 02:03:52

YY, true.

Lally112 Fri 29-Aug-14 02:11:46

Not in my case, I know he loves me and its not about my body image or physical appearance, at times things are great but others are not but it all relates to his work. DH is in the police, sees things that most people don't even begin to imagine, the most recent bout of non intimacy lasted 9 weeks following his part in an investigation into the death of a child.

This was horrific for him, it would be for anyone and it is hard for him to leave that sort of thing at the door when he comes home but he does come home and he has a family, a wife and children who need him in very different ways. The frustration can get too much and at the time I don't see it as 'forcing him to have sex' I see it as trying to save my marriage and keep some sort of intimacy there because I don't want our relationship to break down but it feels like it is hanging by a thread during these periods.

I'm just trying to show a different perspective on it. Michelle Duggar is a nutter, and all the jim bob says la de da is a tad too much little house on the prairie for me and the lord and god stiff really grinds my gears (just personal opinion - no offence intended) I just find that had those answers been provided by a male interviewee, the reaction on here would be very different. If it even got much of a response to begin with.

Darkesteyes Fri 29-Aug-14 02:22:57

Lally im sorry to hear that thanks Does he get offered counselling by his employers at all.

AdoraBell Fri 29-Aug-14 02:40:53

Too busy to read it now so marking place.

Lally112 Fri 29-Aug-14 09:26:50

He does Darkesteyes, but then theres always the next one, and the next. It doesn't run concurrently but when the issue arises its me that finds it hard to deal with.

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