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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

new BFs rude friend

100 replies

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:18

Hi.
sorry I post here a lot-only place I get any sense!
long story short.....I have a new SO. was going great 4 a few months and went to meet his friends at a party. They were all intoxicated and I was sober.
One girl in particular who he says is his best friend, wouldn't shake my hand, ignored me then stated I was chubby and a head case.
I don't know why because I was pleasant and everyone else was lovely, and they were clearly embarrassed when it happened. My SO started laughing (he was drunk too), but later told her (in the biggest display of kiss assing and flowery language not to do it again).
its early days and i don't know if i can be bothered with this. She never apologised and he just makes excuses and says i should give her a chance and wants us to hang out again.
Any advice???? x

OP posts:

Report

HumblePieMonster · 27/08/2014 15:22

Ditch him, make her happy.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 27/08/2014 15:23

I would have one go at getting to the bottom of it I think, by having a direct conversation with him about what on earth is going on, and why he laughed/kissed arse etc instead of taking her to task. Anything less than a good explanation and a genuine apology would have me moving on.

AlpacaMyBags · 27/08/2014 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRoom · 27/08/2014 15:24

People usually choose friends in their own mould. He laughed and did nothing to support you when he witnessed her do three separate and equally rude things: criticise your weight, refuse to shake your hand and ignore you. I'd be disgusted if a friend did that to someone I was seeing. He had the chance to pull her up on it and was an utter wimp. Is he a man or a mouse?

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:25

Only explanation was...that's just what she's like...

OP posts:

MarchEliza · 27/08/2014 15:26

You poor thing - that's incredibly rude and unpleasant. She sounds like a horrible cow who is probably very jealous that another female has come and and taken his attention away from her.

I remember feeling a bit like this when some of my close male friends started seeing girls, but then I was 14 at the time and I would never have been that rude.

I don't blame you for giving serious thought as to whether you want to put up with this on a more long term basis. It might be worth seeing how she behaves in the future (maybe put it down to alcohol and give her a one-time pass) and then maybe talking to him about it.

When you say he told her 'in the biggest display of kiss assing and flowery language' not to do it again - was he kissing your ass or hers? If hers it suggests that he is a bit frightened of her tbh...

Waltermittythesequel · 27/08/2014 15:27

How long are you seeing him?

I think you could do without this if it's new! Plenty more fish and all that.

doorbellringer · 27/08/2014 15:27

Ditch him and tell him why.

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:27

There was just a lot of ass kissing followed by a please don't say things like that. I was angry as he'll he laughed. I just don't know if i have time for this girls/their friendship drama.

OP posts:

Ivehearditallnow · 27/08/2014 15:28

She fancies him.

He should have defended you.

Next! Hope you find a nice one with nice mates xx

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/08/2014 15:29

She's not entitled to "a chance". She's already told you everything you need to know about her, and quite a lot about her relationship with him. She is one person I would not be willing to hang out with, ever. He's not been loyal to you and that's a deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned.

I'd ditch him

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:29

We've only been together a few months. no he kissed her ass not mine! Ha. telling her oh yr my best mate I have such a good night blahblah

OP posts:

Alphabollocks · 27/08/2014 15:31

What does SO stand for? How old was she? Sounds a bit immature. I would be inclined to move on.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/08/2014 15:31

Oh, god. Dump him and tell him why and don't fall for any bullshit excuses!

SisterNancySinatra · 27/08/2014 15:36

Sounds like he may be using you as a way of making this other woman jealous and getting her to show her true feelings toward him, sounds like American Romcom stuff to be fair, you may not exactly be the centre of he's attention.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/08/2014 15:38

SO = Significant Other

In this context new man is not significant, or he shouldn't be for much longer.
Too much baggage, too much drameh

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/08/2014 15:41

'Judge a man by the company he keeps'. LTB & hold out for someone who is more of a gentleman.

daphnehoneybutt · 27/08/2014 15:41

She's a nasty bitch who fancies him. He laughed? I would have walked out.

Would be too much drama for me, I'd leave them to it.

Odessa88 · 27/08/2014 15:45

We are 34, 37 and 38 so not kids although it sounds like it!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 27/08/2014 15:46

Nothing good comes out of being with somebody who won't defend you in these situations. If you had been my husband I would have had my friends arse on a plate for doing that.

Tell him you gave her a chance and she was a knob and you're not inclined on giving her another one.

Unless you want to put her up against the wall and snarl in her face to piss on your patch, which frankly is just too much effort.

RedRoom · 27/08/2014 16:23

Oh good lord. It is so ridiculous that I actually thought you would all be 18 to early 20s, max! I'm sorry! Look, if he's 34-38 and still thinks his friend calling his girlfriend chubby is a larf then he can piss off.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/08/2014 17:10

I agree with PP.

He's not a Significant Other, he's an insignificant twat!

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AnyFucker · 27/08/2014 17:16

I am sure you could do better than attaching yourself to a group of tossers like this

AskBasil · 27/08/2014 17:17

Oh just dump him.

Why bother really.

crazylady321 · 27/08/2014 17:17

I would be put off by this tbh. I think she sounds jealous and wouldnt take to anyone he introduced her to, im sure its nothing personal so just ignore her pethetic comments. Women are so catty, what are his other friends like?

Also do you know if there is any history between them?

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