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Please help....

(11 Posts)
Noneedtoworryatall Sun 24-Aug-14 15:20:29

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to make a huge decision and I just don't know how to unpick my feelings and put my thoughts in some kind of order. Make smaller decisions that lead to making the decision by itself.

Does that even make sense?

Please help to put my thoughts in order.

In a nutshell I am married, have three kids. I work, husband lives in a different country.

There is a history of physical violence.

Where to start.....

antimatter Sun 24-Aug-14 15:26:51

what are you afraid of?

Nevertriedapickledegg Sun 24-Aug-14 15:27:32

I'm not sure where to start but there are lots of people on here with great advice and experience that will be able to help you.
It sounds like you've made a big decision already and by posting here you will find lots of ways to put that decision into action.

No-one should have to live in fear of physical violence - you are doing the right thing for yourself and your DC to get away from this man.

Good luck xxx

tipsytrifle Sun 24-Aug-14 15:30:57

If there is a history of physical violence then I imagine that your main decision has already been made to end this marriage?

Are either of you in the UK? Does he live in another country for work?
I suppose I'm initially wondering just about the current logistics of your marriage.

Noneedtoworryatall Sun 24-Aug-14 15:34:34

He works in the uk and myself and the children live elsewhere.
We are supposed to be joining him. I'm so turn as he can be the best in the world.

Noneedtoworryatall Sun 24-Aug-14 15:35:16

I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and living to regret it.

newnamesamegame Sun 24-Aug-14 15:57:40

OP I don't want to be dismissive of your turmoil this as its a dreadful position to be in, and I have been in a situation like this for more than a year. I know how bloody hard it is and how much strength it takes to leave a marriage.

But to cut to the chase, a relationship with physical violence doesn't have a future.

I imagine you are worried about yourself, about the children, terrified of the new. All totally understandable. But there's no alternative to leaving someone if they are violent to you. Take the time you need and get support. But don't be under any illusions that you can salvage something from a relationship with violence.

Noneedtoworryatall Sun 24-Aug-14 17:39:24

I am just so torn. How he can he be so good yet raise his hand to me. Why did someone I love so much have to be one of them.

I feel exhausted with it all.

Badvoc123 Sun 24-Aug-14 17:43:02

It's not your fault.
That's the bottom line.
You is t have to live with a violent man, and please don't condemn your children to witnessing it.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 24-Aug-14 17:52:28

OP are you and your children British? Would there be more real-life help and support for you and your children if you moved over here? Or would that help be more accessible to you where you are now?

Being in different countries for the moment gives you a huge advantage which women in a similar situation would not have.

Want the reason why a seemingly wonderful man uses violence against you? Because he's deeply flawed and dysfunctional. Before you were married he probably found it easy to hide but now you're dependent on him with children in tow he doesn't need to.

Goldmandra Sun 24-Aug-14 17:58:49

please don't condemn your children to witnessing it.

This ^

He undoes every last bit of his goodness the moment he raises his hand to you.

Witnessing DV damages children.

If you can't do it for you, please do it for your DCs. Nothing he can give them is worth making them grow up seeing their father hit their mother and that is the best case scenario. What if it escalates or he starts on them?

If you are safe where you are please stay there.

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