Going to be a Bitch

[BrowserBlues]

I am in my early 40's and following a spell of being single for 8 years bringing up DC I went out with someone for a year and a half. During this time we definitely had a lot of good times but they were tainted by the fact that about 3 times after we had a row he went on a bender. He didn't contact me for a week while he licked his wounds. The second time he did it I told him if he ever did it again that I would end the relationship.

He is doing this right now. He rang me and told me I was a bitch and drunkenly spelled out all my faults and hung up. I have no doubt that it is over. I will definitely miss the company as when things were good they were really good fun. I liked his family and friends and he liked mine.

He will ring me on Monday or Tuesday and apologise. I am going to accept his apology and get back with him. I am going to spend the next two weeks getting him to fix some jobs he started in my house and then I am going to tell him that its over. I won't be sleeping with him during the 2 weeks.

I have done an awful lot for him regarding admin for his business and set up some contacts through friends. The reason we argued was because he let down one of the contacts I set up. I was pissed off because I assured them that he was reliable.

I am just posting to tell someone so that I can get if off my chest. I have had a fair bit of crap doled out to me from my EXH and now him. I have always ended up the worst off financially. I am broke and cannot afford to get the jobs he started finished. Once the jobs are done I will pack up everything he owns for collection.

[BlackDaisies]

Good for you

[MillyDots]

So he has done this only 3 times in 8 years after you have both rowed. Were you both to blame for the rows?

[WorraLiberty]

If you need to get it off your chest then you're obviously not to please with yourself that you're using him.

Don't try to justify it by saying how much admin you've done for him. You did that within your relationship. It's not like he used you, knowing all along he was going to finish with you once your jobs were done.

Unless you have a disability that prevents you from doing the jobs that need doing in your own house, you need to get some respect for yourself and pull your finger out.

Your relationship is over. Accept it and move on.

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

if its over just let it be over. why play games and have him fix stuff in your house?
weird.

[BrowserBlues]

Milly 3 times in a year and a half. I am no angel but honestly I didn't start or even have anything to do with the rows. He started the rows for an excuse to go on the piss.

I want the stuff fixed because he started the jobs which he offered to do and I have no money to get the jobs finished. I had no intention of finishing with him until he disappeared last Thursday.

[WorraLiberty]

No Milly 3 times in a year and a half, he has turned to alcohol after a row.

The OP's Ex gave her crap and she's broke

Therefore she is trying to justify using her current partner to work on her house, before giving him the boot for good.

It's just my guess that she's posted on a public internet forum, to have people tell her it's fine.

[WorraLiberty]

X posted

Why can't you do the jobs yourself, considering the jobs are to be done in your home and not his?

[BrowserBlues]

Worra, thanks for clarification. To be honest I don't expect anyone to tell me its fine, I just need to tell someone because I am not going to tell anyone in RL. If 3 million people tell me I am wrong I am still doing it. This goes against the grain for me but I am not getting fucked about financially again.

[BlackDaisies]

Still say good for you, but maybe it's the

[BeyoncesCat]

Your not a bitch at all. He's a prick! Don't feel bad. You've done a great deal for him now he can repay the favour.

I've done this myself. Didnt feel bad one bit and neither should you!

[BrowserBlues]

Thanks Black - no wine, strong tea and toast!

Beyonces Cat - thank you very very much. Despite my bravado I was feeling bad but not anymore. I swear to God I did so much for him and he thinks he can just piss off leaving those jobs.

Thank you!!!!

[WorraLiberty]

It's just a guess but perhaps people in RL already know you're this type of person?

If they don't, they'll probably find out soon enough.

Relationships end day in and day out all over the world. That doesn't give you or anyone else the right to use someone to do up your home, because you don't want to do it up yourself.

He will ring me on Monday or Tuesday and apologise. I am going to accept his apology and get back with him.

I don't believe in karma so maybe he will ring on Monday or Tuesday but if he doesn't, there's always Youtube.

I've learned so much from the DIY tutorials (as has my DH) that it's actually been very empowering.

We've saved a fortune by doing jobs ourselves, that we never imagined we could do.

[MillyDots]

Has he done a lot for you over the years too or is he a selfish man.

[WorraLiberty]

Of course he can piss off leaving those jobs

You're not a couple any more and it's not his house!

[BlackDaisies]

Oh well. Maybe he will piss off!
But maybe he'll come back and do the jobs.
I don't know if i believe in karma - but that would be close.
If he doesn't come back - that's the time for the you tube tutorials

[BrowserBlues]

We have both helped each other out. He offered to do the jobs. I am pretty handy but would not have taken the jobs on myself and could not afford to get them done by a professional. I don't have the knowledge, time or money to get them completed. Believe me if you knew how much I had done for his business you would understand that he owes me.

[MillyDots]

How do you think he will react when you tell him it's over after him doing the jobs for you? This could go very wrong and bad.

[WorraLiberty]

Why should he do the jobs?

He's not an unpaid skivvy ffs

To give him the impression that they've kissed and made up, then put him to work doing up the OPs house, before dumping him is lower than low.

Why don't you just 'turn tricks' to get your home done up? At least everyone would know where they stood...

[MrsWinnibago]

I think you will just give him fodder if you do that. Just dump him. You'll have the satisfaction of being in the right...and learning some DIY to boot.

DIY isn't that hard...you just need the right tools and a bit of bravery.

I had my own drill and toolkit and other basic stuff when I met DH and he was gobsmacked.

We look down on men for not being able to sew but so many women say "I need someone to put up a shelf"

Just learn to do it!

[MrsWinnibago]

Why don't you dump him and ask him to do the jobs anyway? Once the dust has cleared?

[BrowserBlues]

Worra you say ''WE' have saved a fortune doing jobs ourselves'. There is no 'we' in my life. It is me on my own with an extremely tight budget, two DC, a fulltime job and a home to run. He took them on and he can finish them. It's not his house but he stayed here a fair bit. I helped him out with his house.

[WorraLiberty]

You did what you did for his business when you were in a relationship with this guy.

You're not in one now and you don't want to be in one, so you're going to pretend you are, just to get free labour.

FFS for once in all my time on Mumsnet I'm going to say that if this goes tits up, you're going to get everything you deserve and you have no-one to blame but yourself.

[BrowserBlues]

There is more than just a bit of drilling to do. I have lived in this house for 18 years and have done every single job that needed to be done singlehandedly.

[MagnificentMaleficent]

So where does this guy get off allowing the OP to help him out and do stuff for him, and then dump her on a whim? Why should he get the sympathetic ear?

[BrowserBlues]

He won't have the slightest clue that I planned to dump him.