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Am I a trouble causer ?

(83 Posts)
sadsally99 Fri 22-Aug-14 12:49:53

Hello to all, just looking for a bit of reassurance that I'm not going daft.
My husband thinks its ok to go to the gym for 3 hours a day, does nothing at all at home and I mean nothing. He spends his time at home on his fone or laptop. He is arrogant, and when hes had a drink threatening.
He ignores our child 9 times out of 10 when he asks his dad a question, when I mention this he says hes busy with work, but hes really busy with his virtual life.
Yesterday we got back from a weeks holiday. He started drinking in the airport going and drank solidly for 12 hours each day. Two of the days he went off on his own to watch football in a bar and came back drunk. He did nothing with us on holiday just laid on the sunbed tanning himself and drinking. His idea of a holiday.
He does work hard at work but works harder at pleasing himself. In the airport coming home I felt a little unwell and said I need the loo, he said "go on then, do one". I had to take two heavy suitcases and my child into the toilet with me. I'm afraid I lost my cool and acused him of being uncaring, his response was to spit in my face ! and called me a scumbag.
Does anyone think I deserved this.
Kind answers only please feeling very hurt and tearful.
Thank you for reading.

TwinkleDust Fri 22-Aug-14 12:52:47

Of course you don't. He sounds self-centred and abusive.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 22-Aug-14 12:56:31

Goodness! He sounds like a shit bag. There's a wonderful charity called Women's Aid who will listen to you and give you advice

You don't deserve this. Twinkle is right, he's self-centred and abusive. You need to do something about this. Huge hug to you, and I hope your tummy's feeling better smile thanks

clam Fri 22-Aug-14 12:58:06

He spat in your face? shock

sadsally Why do you think you put up with this? What is your situation re: work/finances? Do you have options for removing yourself and your dcs from this vile man? And how complex would it be to start setting up those options?

And no, you don't sound like a "trouble causer" to me.


AnyFucker Fri 22-Aug-14 12:58:29

You are being abused. Please call Women's Aid and get some support to leave him

aprilanne Fri 22-Aug-14 13:00:16

ignoring your child spitting in your face .jesus get your self and your child out of there fast .

TapWellies Fri 22-Aug-14 13:01:39

I see that you only want kind answers, so I am not going to write what I really think.

Please try to leave this man, your child is getting life lessons from him.

You cannot continue living with this abusive behaviour, he spits at you. No, No, No.

4boysxhappy Fri 22-Aug-14 13:05:13

He is an idiot.

I would leave him.

Seriouslyffs Fri 22-Aug-14 13:18:17

Please leave ASAP!

sadsally99 Fri 22-Aug-14 13:21:44

I am a stay at home mum with a good network of friends and family, we have a joint mortgage. I have a very nervous stomach at the moment in case he comes home for lunch, he has spat at me before a few years ago, we have been together for 20 years. He says things like "you will be punished" if I argue with him. Says things like "everyone hates you, thats why you only have a few friends, he will leave me if I ever get fat".
I will have to come back later when I know he will be at the gym.
Feeling very down.

losthermind Fri 22-Aug-14 13:23:07

shock what a degrading and humiliating thing to do to a person!!! Especially to someone you're supposed to love. You need to leave this bully,It seems that you are rearing your child single handedly anyway.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 22-Aug-14 13:24:04

You can't live like this, he's abusive. The problem isn't you, it's him. He'd have knocked your self esteem into the floor, and you really can't live this way. It's unfair on you, and unfair on your child. Please do contact Women's Aid, they can help you.

George9978 Fri 22-Aug-14 13:27:42

Leave him pronto.

Your child deserves better as do you.

LeonardWentToTheOffice Fri 22-Aug-14 13:27:56

Get out love :-( xxx

Fairenuff Fri 22-Aug-14 13:32:19

Please leave this man, he is abusing you.

Mommypolls8 Fri 22-Aug-14 13:32:22

It's not you, he sounds like a real bully. You and your son deserve better than this man. Think of yourselves and the happy life you could be living?

whatsagoodusername Fri 22-Aug-14 13:50:58

Of course you didn't deserve it!

He sounds horrible. You don't need to live like this. You have friends and family. They'll help you.

You deserve more than this. You deserve someone who is good to you. Your son deserves someone who is good to him, to his mother. You deserve someone who respects you, because you are worthy of respect. You deserve to be happy and not fearful.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Fri 22-Aug-14 13:51:41

Well yes, in his distorted view of reality you voicing any needs or opinions of your own are causing trouble. For him. Because he doesn't give a shit about you unless you're serving his needs. What he wants and when he wants them.

He's vile, controlling, selfish and cruel. If anyone ever needed an excuse or a reason to leave you have them in spades.

Contact Womens Aid and get some help to leave this total fucking scumbag. If you can't do it for yourself and your own sanity, do it for your child.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 22-Aug-14 13:54:03

Wait until he's at the gym.
Pack some essentials for you and your DC and get out of there.
Get documents together that you will need.
Passports, birth certs, marriage cert, driving license, insurance documents, bank statements, etc.....
Speak to people in real life about this vile mans abuse of you.

Most importantly, contact Womens Aid. If you call them from the landline it won't show on your phone bill.

Please get away. This man has been abusing you and putting you down for years.
Time to find yourself again.

You posted because you know this is not right.
We ALL deserve happiness and that is NOT what you have right now.

Get out and get some support from your family and friends.

Charley50 Fri 22-Aug-14 13:55:45

Leave him.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 22-Aug-14 13:58:34

Do you have a joint bank account? If you leave now you need to take as much money out of there as you can. Give Women's Aid a call, they will help.

Pinkfrocks Fri 22-Aug-14 14:02:54

He sounds as if he has an alcohol problem.

He spat in your face and you ask if YOU are a trouble maker?

Leave him, immediately.

Merel Fri 22-Aug-14 14:08:04

No-one deserves this sort of contempt from anyone, never mind their partner. You need to have a good think about whether you want a life time of this. Personally I think a man like this will destroy your self worth and prevent you from having a happy fulfilled life, in fact it sounds like he has already done this since you are questioning yourself already.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 22-Aug-14 14:08:35

I am just aghast at this. He spat in your face?

He sounds utterly utterly vile. A horrible, abusive bullying scumbag.

Theproblem is that he has ground you down for so long that you have lost perspective on what is acceptable.

But let me tell you with 100% certainty, what you have described here is definitely not acceptable in any shape or form.

You must get yourself and your DC away from him.

Please come back and talk to us. I know this will all be hard to read but you must try and get away asap

RiverTam Fri 22-Aug-14 14:08:55

leave him. Really, please do this. He spat at you. He threatens you. He brings nothing to your relationship, your life, your DD, your family.

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