Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I been an irrational needy drama queen?!

(67 Posts)
Sunset89 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:14:35

Posted on here recently about a guy I had been briefly seeing, been on a few dates and it seemed like we both had a connection. However he's got a job in London 4 hours away from me.... From the start I always said it wouldn't be a good idea and he convinced me to 'see what happens' basically saying it would be stupid not to give it a go..... He also kept saying how he would 'prove' it to me how he wouldn't just forget me because he's living away etc etc

Blaaaa he's been there 2 weeks and we have still spoken via instant message every day (brief convos)
since the day we met however I feel like his behaviour is causing me to go insane and I don't know if I'm just been overly needy because I've been hurt a lot in the past or whether I'm been rationale!

- doesn't ring me anymore- I've rang him twice and he never rang back
- still messages me first if I don't message him but then sometimes gives quite closed responses with no questions
-takes longer than usual to reply (I guess that's understandable)
-hasn't arranged when he's coming back home (his family live near me) again maybe understandable

I get the fact he will be extremely busy as he has a new job and new place to live etc - he messaged me today saying 'I'm hungover come give me a cuddle all day' then I responded he responded and I sent him another message and he hasn't replied! Again he could be busy but I've seen he was online on whatsapp and he's been active on instragram since liking peoples photos! He still hasn't replied 7 hours later...

Should I give him a chance and see how it goes in a few weeks when he settles in or just cut him off now before it ends in a disaster?

I know I sound like a whiney teenager right now I can't work out if I am been a drama queen or not!!!

Helppppp a moanie needyyy girl out please smile

Thank you so much!!!!

P.s we are both 24 (not 16 believe it or not haha)

Quitelikely Sun 17-Aug-14 23:17:22

His silence is your answer. That's just my opinion though!

Thirdtry22 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:18:57

Sounds like he's playing with your head to me. (Been there myself so I recognise it). Go quiet on him, see how he likes it. If you back off, he may come forward.

Sunset89 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:19:46

Yeah I think that too but then I'm torn as he was the one who messaged me in the first place saying he wanted to cuddle me all day!! So confused why you would initiate a conversation then ignore me!!

Hate feeling confused and needy! sad

I hope I don't sound too pathetic!

brokenhearted55a Sun 17-Aug-14 23:22:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a Sun 17-Aug-14 23:23:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thirdtry22 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:24:39

Don't worry op, we can all be pathetic when we like someone. Either he's so busy that he just can't give you any time, or he's game-playing to see how you react. Try not to over-think it though or you'll drive yourself nuts, lol.

PumpedUpKicks Sun 17-Aug-14 23:25:11

If he is making you feel confused and needy that is not a good sign. Vaguely saying he is wanting to cuddle you all day when he has a hangover requires no effort or intent. Lazy communication on his part. I think if you should either cut your losses or expect him to do a bit more of the running and see what happens.

vestandknickers Sun 17-Aug-14 23:25:53

He's not that keen is he?

I'm sorry, you did ask.

I'd leave it for a bit and go out with your friends if I were you.

AlpacaMyBags Sun 17-Aug-14 23:27:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunset89 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:31:28

Yeah he's a complete head f**k and I'm beginning to get sick of it! If he wasn't interested i don't get why he still bothers to message me every single day! And when I have backed off he usually pops up on a message!

I know it's petty but if he messages tomorrow do I act like I don't care or act a bit miffed and maybe make a joke about him been busy on instra?

Feel like I'm back in high school again!

I wouldn't usually be bothered, it's the fact I said from the start it would never work and he was the one who was like 'give it a chance' 'let me show you...'

Understand he will be more busy than usual but when you see they are online just makes you want to throw your phone out of the window!

Thanks for not thinking I'm been a pathetic child! I know it's minor but I'm getting annoyed at myself with conflicting opinions on the situation! It's good to have some outside perspective sometimes!

Appreciate it smile

LuluJakey1 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:37:22

Just back off and get on with your life and leave him to it. He sounds like he has commitment problems at the moment so leave him to it. He will either back off too or become the chaser.
You look after you.

wannaBe Sun 17-Aug-14 23:38:29

If you are already feeling insecure this early on then that's not a good indication of what the future holds.

You shouldn't need to play games to test his response, you should be able to have a conversation about it. The fact you can't speaks volumes. Get rid.

pictish Sun 17-Aug-14 23:45:28

Look - if you'd been seeing him a while I'd understand you trying to keep this thing going - but he's brand new on the scene...why would you not cut your losses on this one? He's four hours away now after all.

If it's making you feel bad already then it's no good.

Sunset89 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:45:52

Yeah I'm definitely not going to put the effort in anymore!!!!!

Would it be bad to actually say it to him like make a comment about his hot and cold behaviour?

Or would I come across as needy?

Sunset89 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:48:38

Pictish- yeh you do have a valid point- option 3- pie him (how do you even go about that... Just ignore him or say to him it's not working?)

Think I just have that annoying thing at the back of mind of 'what if...' And 'well obviously he's going to be more busier than usual as he's just had a big lifestyle change'

Too complicated- eughhhhhhh

FabULouse Mon 18-Aug-14 00:02:41

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:08:06

Fabulouse- your response seems a little insensitive and actually quite offensive.

I have addressed the fact that I am been needy- I do not deniy my actions, I have been hurt a lot previously so yes maybe I am been more irrational than normal- one of the reasons I came on here to address whether my concerns were rationale or I was over reacting....

In regards to being a bunny boiler- I think that is extremely judgemental of you- his likes came up on my instragram newsfeed and when you are on whatsapp it's not hard to notice if some

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:08:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:09:25

Is online or not!!!

A bit of empathy towards posters would be appreciated!! Most people f

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:11:57

Most people come on here as they are down anyway and don't need kicking further into the ground!

Apologise for mass messages, typing on this phone in the dark is not a good idea!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 18-Aug-14 00:19:33

Sunset... sorry, but do you think there's any possibility that the "Hungover, come give me a cuddle all day" message might have been for somebody else and you got it by mistake? It's such an odd thing to send to somebody who isn't anywhere near you and can't be there to cuddle...

If not, he's saying one thing and doing another. I think you need to treat yourself as a single person and think of yourself as such - and get on with your life, going out, seeing friends, keeping busy. If he comes home and deigns to spend time with you, well then you have a decision to make.

Really though, how much clearer do you need it to be? Let it fizzle out if that would be less painful for you - but you run the risk of him ending it and you're still on the hook in the meantime. It would be so much better for your esteem if you did the, "Look, it's not working, no hard feelings." text/e-mail.

You're posting like a demon, I can see that you like him very much... that's why I'm posting on your thread, urging you caution in being so 'out there' and 'heart on your sleeve' because he has the power to hurt you, claim it back and don't let him. thanks

wyrdyBird Mon 18-Aug-14 00:30:34

I think Lying is on to something about the 'Hungover' message...

I also agree that you should treat yourself as a single person. He's leaving you confused and needy because you feel as if he's dangled a relationship in front of you, but he doesn't mean it. All that 'let me show you' stuff is just so much talk.

IME the type of behaviour you're describing usually points to someone else in the background that he's giving attention to - or several someones (sorry)

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:33:16

Thank you so much for your reply smile

Quite possibly he's sent it to the wrong person although that's quite a common message he sends me! The other day it was something a long the lines of 'I misssss you come and kiss me' beginning to think he's all mouth no action to be honest with you!!!!! I don't think he's been fair and I'm beginning to resent him for it !

Really glad I have got everyone's opinion on it, making me feel less crazy! Don't worry I have still made lots of arrangements with friends for the next couple of weeks smile

I think I am an all or nothing girl so when I'm in the middle it just stresses me out and I hate not knowing where I stand!!

I said it to him from the start so im not sure why he was so bothered about trying to continue it if he's acting like this already!!

Your all right though..... Unhappy already? What's the point!!!

Feel a bit better now smile thanks everyone ��

Sunset89 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:40:14

The ironic thing is when I tried to end it before he went away saying we would begin to really like each other if we continued it and both end up hurt he said

'Its already too late for me'

What an odd bodd! Sorry I am been a keyboard warrior tonight- too much redbull! ��

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now