Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Men that hit women, do they ever change?

(70 Posts)
Noneedtoworryatall Fri 15-Aug-14 18:56:13

Can it happen?

expatinscotland Fri 15-Aug-14 18:59:01

No. Leave. Now.

No personal experience but from friends and what I've read on here, no they don't.

Not ever.

Finola1step Fri 15-Aug-14 19:01:57


They can choose to stop but the underlying abusive nature will always be there. They just find another way to abuse and control.

JennyOnTheBlocks Fri 15-Aug-14 19:02:49

not in my experience

do you need to find a safe place. OP?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 15-Aug-14 19:02:50

If you're the woman they hit, don't stick around to find out if they can change. If you're told (by them or others) that they hit women, give them a wide berth as well. People rarely change.

Melodygrace Fri 15-Aug-14 19:04:51

No. They pretend like they can stop and it may stop for a short time. But they always seem to go back to abusive ways. It generally gets worse not better.

frames Fri 15-Aug-14 19:05:58

I wouldn't risk it myself.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 15-Aug-14 19:07:20

No. They may be able to change but not with you. The fact that they did it and not faced the consequences of their behaviour (I.e police or your leaving) means they aren't absolutely certain they will have to face them next time.

oldgrandmama Fri 15-Aug-14 19:08:51

No, and the hitting gets worse, if the woman sticks around.

MuddledColours Fri 15-Aug-14 19:12:01

No. It never does. And you can never trust them again.

scottishmummy Fri 15-Aug-14 19:16:56

You dont have to stay you with him have choices

WeighingItUp Fri 15-Aug-14 19:17:56

This has been on my mind recently too. I am weighing up leaving my husband, and this is one of the factors. We used to both get physical in arguments, with one time him chocking me, however there has been no physical violence for 6 years...since we got married...

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 15-Aug-14 19:20:06

Dog trainers only need to use the choke chain at the start. Once the dog is nicely frightened into submission, they can dispense with it. hmm

Safmellow Fri 15-Aug-14 19:20:20

Yes, they can change but a) it's highly unlikely and b) even less likely if it is you he has hit before.

I once had a long term relationship with someone who never laid a finger on me (or abused me in anyway) but he had hit an ex partner.

If your partner has hit you, the only way to ensure your safety is to leave. Don't keep hanging on in the hope that things will improve or making excuses for him.

SublimeCorpse Fri 15-Aug-14 19:20:37

No. Never. No matter how many women they have relationships with.

DownstairsMixUp Fri 15-Aug-14 19:24:22

I think it's possible but I think it's very, very, very rare because these type of men will rarely admit their is a problem enough to go get the HELP they need (and It would be a huge amount of help that would probably take years)

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Fri 15-Aug-14 19:25:26

Yes. They get worse.

Noneedtoworryatall Fri 15-Aug-14 19:26:32

I can't talk here it's not safe.......bollox

Noneedtoworryatall Fri 15-Aug-14 19:26:54

As in private. I'm in no danger whatsoever

YvyB Fri 15-Aug-14 19:27:26

This happened to me: I gave him one chance but reported it to the police incase anything happened in the future.. When he did it again the police took me to safety in the middle of the night. I was mortified that I'd ended up in that situation. The lovely policeman just said "on average, a woman puts up with 36 incidents of domestic abuse before she leaves, so I don't see the two occasions you've needed us as a waste of time but rather that by leaving now, you've saved us another 34 callouts".

So, no, it would appear they don't change. They just do it over and over and over...

milkingmachine1 Fri 15-Aug-14 19:27:30

I don't think you should stick around to find out.

Pheonixisrising Fri 15-Aug-14 19:33:49


Messygirl Fri 15-Aug-14 19:38:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chiana Fri 15-Aug-14 19:41:46

Nope. Next question.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now