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thank you all, because now I'm safe

(236 Posts)
helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:01:56

Having been in an abusive relationship and afraid, I started to read Mumsnet. Over a period of months, I began to understand that my life wasn't as it should be. I read more and more threads and came to the conclusion that leaving was going to be a very frightening thing to do. I contacted the DV helpline and started the process. I would never have had the courage to involve the police, living in a very tight and protected community.
I quietly planned, with my sisters, via email, how to get away. Even e-mailing was frightening and secretive. I have no family here, in the UK. I had one friend left and she in the next county. I had my husband with me 24/7 and yet, even living in one caravan, under his nose, quietly, I managed to pack enough clothes and documents. My friend came for me in her car and I got away. He didn't even see me go, we were that quick. I even managed to take my little dog with me.
Now I am hoping to find a place in a refuge and then to house myself and start again. I'm 58 years old and beginning a new life.
Thank you Mumsnet for the threads that saved me.
I have had some days of peace which have been wonderful.
Tonight I had a message that he wants to talk to me. I don't want to talk to him.
So I will not.
Any of you, reading this and wondering if you can..... you can.
If I did it, it is surely possible for you.

RandomMess Tue 12-Aug-14 00:04:15

So glad you are safe, enjoy every minute of the peace you now have.

whitsernam Tue 12-Aug-14 00:06:14


helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:07:29

Thank you, I think I have another long climb ahead. At my age it isn't easy to start again but I didn't want to end my life in fear.

DeadCert Tue 12-Aug-14 00:08:07

So glad you are safe, well done for having the courage to get away.

ghostisonthecanvas Tue 12-Aug-14 00:08:41

Well done. Good luck and happiness x

whitsernam Tue 12-Aug-14 00:09:21

I know women who've never gotten out.... they died still married to and living with their abusers. So Congratulate yourself, and take one step at a time. You got wise; you definitely have something special inside you, and that will take you far. Also - I think the legal process will be helpful. Good luck.

Darkesteyes Tue 12-Aug-14 00:10:16

Congrats OP What fabulous news Much happiness to you x

FetchezLaVache Tue 12-Aug-14 00:12:20

Good work, OP. Stay safe and stay strong.

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:13:03

Now I have to go through the process of trying to claim some Jobseekers allowance, while seeking employment. I haven't paid into the system for the last 10 years, so I don't know if I will be able to claim.
There will be a way, I'm sure to earn something!

MorphineDreams Tue 12-Aug-14 00:15:41

You're amazing!

You will be able to claim, it's income based job seekers. Or it may be Universal Credit now depending on your area.

This is a brand new start of your new life, I hope it's filled with fun and love and all sorts of nice things. You are a very strong woman

lavenderhoney Tue 12-Aug-14 00:16:17

Good for you and so lucky having such wonderful sisters.

Block him. Don't engage. Talk to your sisters. Stay on here and post as much as you need to.

If you are married, see a solicitor for your free 30 mins ( they let you talk on, just ask) and if not see one anyway for peace of mind.

And plan your new life, make lists, tick stuff off ( small and big) The sooner you make it a reality, the less chance of faltering and going back to the crap. Come on, its better already.

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:19:39

MorphineDreams Well, I have two daughters, one that I haven't seen for two years because she wouldn't come unless he was sober. I have seen them both this weekend, so I think love, fun and laughs are definitely on the agenda from now on!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 12-Aug-14 00:21:35

Well done help you are so brave! Welcome to the rest of your life smile

MorphineDreams Tue 12-Aug-14 00:23:20

Oh thats brilliant! I'm so happy for you, I have that nice warm fuzzy feeling in my belly.

Keep us updated with your new adventures and any bumps along the way, I'd love to read them!

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:24:47

lavenderhoney my sisters are amazing and although the other side of the world as near as they can be in spirit. I don't think I need a solicitor at the moment, there is no property involved or young children. My stepson, 20, is the best support and I love him and he me. Even he doesn't know where I am and nor would he want to for fear of compromising me.

AlpacaPicnic Tue 12-Aug-14 00:26:10

The first step is the hardest step. Well done for taking it. I'm so pleased for you!

ohfourfoxache Tue 12-Aug-14 00:26:46

Inspirational - enjoy your new life x

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:35:58

the reason I posted, was because I read a thread about six months or more ago by a young woman who was so terribly afraid. I followed it for a few days then she disappeared - the Mumsnetters were so caring and so concerned. She did come back. (He had read her thread, got angry and got locked up.) For me it was the start. I was leading such a closed life and I think that if I can give hope to someone, that it really possible to leave, safely, then I should pass on that message and say thank you to those that helped even thought they didn't know I was there... just reading.

lavenderhoney Tue 12-Aug-14 00:36:51

Ah, then begin to plan. Or continue plans. Job, home, social life, even a ramblers club, with walking and gentle uncomplicated chatting. Personally ime I think its important to move on ASAP.

MysteriousCircusZebra Tue 12-Aug-14 00:40:17

So pleased for you op.

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:40:54

lavenderhoney I am hoping to move near my younger daughter, book club, walking, drawing, learn to crochet properly....... occasional shared bottle of wine with the girls. And breathe.......

helpmekeepstrong Tue 12-Aug-14 00:45:44

Night all, thank you for everything.
Thank you Mumsnet for saving my life.

emotionsecho Tue 12-Aug-14 00:46:33

Thanks for posting this OP, I wish you all you would wish for yourself in your new life. You sound inspirational and are proof it is never too late.

Enjoy every day of your new life, you deserve it.

Isabeller Tue 12-Aug-14 00:47:48

Good luck OP, so good to hear you have escaped. It is so hard to do. flowers[flowersflowers

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