In new relationship after emotionally abusive, controlling marriage ended.
DP very thoughtful, generous, kind, considerate, supportive, loving - I would be extremely lucky to find anyone that treated me nearly as well if it ended (and I do not want it to end). We have been in a LDR for almost 3 years. I love him to bits.
DP excellent with my DCs, but he struggles with aspects of the freedom/modern parenting - he has no real experience with kids, he has never lived with a partner, and we are both mid 40s. He is forever comparing their lifestyle (?? Not the right word??) to what he (and I) had at their age (under 12) and is genuinely baffled by some of the decision making processes they are involved in (i.e. they are asked what they want to do / eat / where to go etc). He has "pitched his position" as "uncle" rather than a daddy replacement, which is ideal as ex has regular contact, but he does step in to help parent when we are together at the weekends I have DCs, e.g. if they are misbehaving or not respecting me. DCs love him and are always asking when they will next see him (I have some weekends with just them).
I am extremely twitchy about getting "trapped" again IYSWIM, and worry about aspects of our lifestyle compatibility:
I hate public transport / he hates being in a car (can't drive)
We struggle at mealtimes choosing what to have and often seem to end up with different meals (unless we are having proper meat & 2 veg type meal)
He likes to get up,showered and dressed before having breakfast - DCs and I love a pj day, and I prefer to eat first, do some housework then shower
I could quite happily spend some weekends parked on my couch, he needs to get out for a walk/cycle at the very least.
We almost had the option to move in together (at some future date) last year as I was going to move about 15 miles away, which is closer to him, but a few things happened within the space of a week and I ended up staying put (related to my job and my family moving back to the local area). He was understandably upset, but understood my reasons. I am not yet divorced, and both of us talked about not wanting to live together until that was officially and legally finalised.
I know I am very lucky to have found someone like him, and so soon after the marriage ended (6 months), but I am still terrified by the thought of living with another man full time, even though it would be lovely to see him more often! I miss him terribly, and he misses me and we speak most nights via Skype.
Is it possible to maintain a LDR permanently??? Would that be weird??
Do I need counselling, or is it perfectly normal to feel this way??
What can I do please?
Will this feeling pass?
I know this is minor compared to other posts, but any helpful advice greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post.
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Relationships
3 years on and I'm still not ready to live together?? Help please
Notexactlymarthastewart · 09/08/2014 10:17
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