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What would you say if your friend told you this

(166 Posts)
cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:13:07

My 22 y/o friend recently told me she has a crush on her 18 y/o colleague. He is a very young looking 18 y/o (I've met him) and could pass for 16. She says she has fallen for his funny/charming personality and is attracted to him physically too. This is confusing for me, I know legally there would be nothing wrong with them doing anything but it seems a bit weird to me. She said he has told her he is still a virgin and she has said (to me) she would like to be his first.

I don't know if I'm being out of line here or what, I just feel this is not an ok situation. Does anyone know what I mean/have any input.

defineme Fri 08-Aug-14 20:16:50

Can't see the problem. Are you being sexist-would you feel the same way if she was 18 and he was 22? A 4 yr age gap is nothing when both are adultsand him lookkng young and being inexperienced is irrelevant.

mismylinford Fri 08-Aug-14 20:18:38

4 years.... Nothing strange or wrong with that... At all.... Get over it

Lally112 Fri 08-Aug-14 20:18:43

Hes 18 and shes 22, so its not the traditional way round but bloody hell its not like hes 10 and shes 20. whether or not he looks 16 legally he can decide what he wants to do with his life or his knob for that matter and if she is also consenting then wheres the problem?

cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:19:42

I am being sexist yes. She is a mature, older than her years woman and he is a teenage boy. I can't see the attraction. I was hoping people would say I am in the wrong though as I don't want to think of my mate in a bad light, I just find it somewhat creepy.

Lally112 Fri 08-Aug-14 20:21:54

So when I was 13 and DH was 15 us sleeping together was ok? because it was the traditional way round?

Purpleroxy Fri 08-Aug-14 20:22:21

It isn't creepy it's fine, forget it.

MrsCosmopilite Fri 08-Aug-14 20:24:35

If he was 15 and she was 19 then that'd be different. As it is, they're both of age to be consenting adults, so to speak.

FWIW, I'm 4 years older than DH. My friend is 5 years older than her DH.

cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:28:54

I'm not saying my main issue is the age gap as such, an age gap of 4 years a fews years down the line is nothing. But if you imagine the maturity of your average 18 y/o boy, I just can't see why a professional 22 y/o woman would be interested in him, especially with him being so young looking.

I know they are free to do as they like, I was just wondering if I was alone in my thinking (apparently so) or if anyone else felt similarly.

Dontgotosleep Fri 08-Aug-14 20:30:19

Well he's 18 and she's 22 so they're both legal and you say he could pass for 16, well that's also legal. x

Castlemilk Fri 08-Aug-14 20:31:11

Here's a tip, next time, replace the word 'sexist' with 'ridiculous' and it will answer your problem FOR you.

'I am being sexist yes...'


'I am being ridiculous yes...'

It's an incredible little trick that works in all kinds of situations.

Most amazingly of all, it doesn't just work with the word 'sexist', but also 'racist', 'ageist', 'bigoted' and a whole host of others.

You're welcome, OP.

cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:34:04

Thanks for your insight and hilarity Castle
You should consider writing for some sort of comedy panel show, you wit really is wasted here hmm

defineme Fri 08-Aug-14 20:35:53

I think you're being judgemental, a crap friend and assuming that like attracts like when a lot of mature pprofessional type people appreciate a different personality/approach to life in a partner.
22 sounds very very young to my 40 year old self however she behaves.

Waltermittythesequel Fri 08-Aug-14 20:36:09

I don't know if I would consider 22 a "mature, professional woman".

I didn't finish uni until I was 22!

Frogisatwat Fri 08-Aug-14 20:36:25

They are both consenting adults and its none of your business

BuilderMammy Fri 08-Aug-14 20:37:37

To me 22 is still very young, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

DH fell for me when he was 25 and I was 19. Was that wrong?

MorrisZapp Fri 08-Aug-14 20:38:25

Wish I was bloody 22 again.

TheReluctantCountess Fri 08-Aug-14 20:38:44

I don't think there is a problem.

Rebecca2014 Fri 08-Aug-14 20:39:27

How old are you? I just wonder if you are from an older generation which is why you sound so sexist?

My sister is dating a man two years younger than her! I suppose I shall show her this thread for a laugh.

CatKisser Fri 08-Aug-14 20:39:36

Honestly don't see the problem, OP.
He's not a "boy" he's a man. As they're both adults, surely it just comes down to two people finding each other attractive? Well, that's if he likes her too.
You cannot go around interfering in the sex lives of consenting adults!

cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:40:01

Its not like she is 22 and hes 18 and theyre both students in the same peer group, they are at totally separate stages of their lives.

Castlemilk Fri 08-Aug-14 20:40:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DistanceCall Fri 08-Aug-14 20:40:18

She finds him attractive. You don't. Don't try to understand it, because there is nothing to understand (and there's certainly nothing wrong with it). Just be a good friend and be happy for her is she's happy.

cakeyblues Fri 08-Aug-14 20:41:08

So no one on here with a 18 year old son would find it unusual that a 22 year woman was interested in your son?

If you saw them walking down the street you would think she was some mid twenties woman taking her little 16 y/o brother out for the day.

Am I really alone in thinking her being so keen on being his 'first' is normal?

DistanceCall Fri 08-Aug-14 20:42:44

Look, there isn't a universal law that establishes which relationships are acceptable and which aren't (except when children are involved, of course). You think they are at "totally separate stages of their lives" and that that matters. That's YOUR opinion. But the only opinion that matters here, frankly, is your friend's and that of her boyfriend.

So yes, you're being a bit silly.

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