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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Lipstick on your collar - do people really smell perfume on their cheating H?

67 replies

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:29

Watching Ray Donovan and the wife susses him through scent.
Does this really happen in real life, or is it just dramatic license?

What other little tells have led you to conclude all might not be well? ( rather than the norm of new pants and taking your phone into the loo!)

OP posts:

Report

HumblePieMonster · 07/08/2014 22:33

Oh yes. My then-husband used to come home reeking of perfume. Sometimes the 'scent' of another woman lingers on his intimate parts. Extra mileage on the clock. Disappearing at functions eg weddings (ie going off to shag the o w, who is also attending).

summerlovingliz · 07/08/2014 22:34

My mate found her dh wedding ring in his jeans pocket after a night out

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:35

on his COCK?

OP posts:

HumblePieMonster · 07/08/2014 22:37

where else?

Fairylea · 07/08/2014 22:40

Not quite so obvious but he started to drink random herbal teas which he'd never done in his life before, in particular jasmine tea when he returned from spending a weekend in London with his mother - during which time I later found out he'd met up with his ex girlfriend he'd been talking to on Facebook (and then left me for after 7 years of marriage). I'm convinced she drank jasmine tea and it reminded him of her.

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/08/2014 22:40

Just get into the habit of smelling his cock when he comes in after a night out then you can be sure what he's up to (or not)

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:40

i must have my idea of oral sex all wrong

or she rubs it against her neck a lot..?

OP posts:

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 07/08/2014 22:40

Ooooooh yes... Clinique aromatics still makes me heave.

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:41

yes mate of mates H said ' oh we must eat more fish' to wife - the OW was a pescatarian

OP posts:

flightywoman · 07/08/2014 22:45

The first time it was just that things were not 'normal', they were off-balance somehow. And he smelt wrong - not of a scent/perfume, but of another person. Then someone dropped me a clue about what was going on which confirmed what I already 'knew' - that he was seeing one of my friends on the side.

Second time (different boyfriend with my best friend) it was the body language - it was ALL wrong, was way too intimate.

Third time (yet another boyfriend/best friend scenario) it was so obvious it was laughable that they even thought they were being subtle - he behaved to her exactly as he had behaved to me at the beginning, even when I was in the same room! Once I had the proof I posted copies through her door, kicked him out and never spoke to either of them again.

SinglePringle · 07/08/2014 22:46

I'm not sure the PP was referring to the perfume one might buy in a shop when she referred to a 'scent' lingering on a mans more intimate parts...

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:48

ERGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Lipstick on your collar - do people really smell perfume on their cheating H?

OP posts:

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/08/2014 22:50

In a nutshell, if his cock smells of fanny, it's a bad sign unless it's your fanny

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 22:52

i had got there,. vomerama

OP posts:

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/08/2014 22:57

Yes, sorry, x post

dolicapax · 07/08/2014 23:01

I'm didn't need to go sniffing anywhere south of the border there were plenty of other clues: perfume and lipstick on collar, coming home from business travel with his work shirts unworn but plenty of casual ones for the wash, picking holes in everything I did, criticising, picking fights, making me feel like I was in the wrong all the time, reluctant to have sex even though we were supposedly ttc...

He did at least tell me he was having an affair himself, and pretty quickly. A guess that was a tiny shred of decency in that horrible period, when the man I thought I knew turned into someone I couldn't recognise.

You can forgive and move on, but it changes you forever.

PittTheYounger · 07/08/2014 23:05

there really was lipstick on the collar? Wow. I am sorry.
Did you ever wonder if the OW put it there deliberately?

OP posts:

twostraightlines · 07/08/2014 23:16

I clearly remember noticing XH coming home (very late) from work one day smelling of sex. A very specific cocktail of whiffs he emits post coitally.

This was ages before I knew, but the memory returned as soon as I found out. Even the memory of the niff makes me want to hurl!

HumblePieMonster · 07/08/2014 23:17

I'm not sure the PP was referring to the perfume one might buy in a shop when she referred to a 'scent' lingering on a mans more intimate parts
too right. perfume is one thing. 'scent' is another!

In a nutshell, if his cock smells of fanny, it's a bad sign unless it's your fanny
couldn't have put it better myself. and you don't have to get down there and sniff to smell it.

dolicapax · 07/08/2014 23:20

Indeed there was. It probably was no accident, but who can say. She did a few things calculated to hurt me personally. Never could work out why. I wasn't the enemy. I was one of those weird wives who kind of figured that if a husband wanted out it was probably better to send him on his way amicably, and get a good lawyer, rather than rant and wail and hang onto his shirt tails.

We're still married btw, but with a completely different dynamic. I've re-found me, and he's nicer, more humble, devoted family man. Funny old world really.

BookABooSue · 07/08/2014 23:23

With a previous DP, I came back from working away to discover a love-bite on his neck. He said it came from carrying something awkwardly

passmethewineplease · 07/08/2014 23:26

My mum knew something was wrong when my dad started dressing differently and was taking more of an interest in his dress sense.

Trying to impress the OW or she was styling him...

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HumblePieMonster · 07/08/2014 23:27

The then-husband started trying to improve his technique in bed. That was a dead-giveaway.

kentishgirl · 08/08/2014 08:15

Loads of really obvious signs that he made up excuses for and at the time even though I knew he was lying I couldn't bring myself to believe he was cheating either.

One of the more subtle 'tells' that I also picked up on (that he insisted I was imagining): car passenger seat in different position to usual.

Deftones · 08/08/2014 08:27

Cheating men think their wives are daft. I'm a keen observer of actions and behaviours, women usually are. We're not even aware of it 99% of the time, not until something is 'off' do we suddenly recognise behaviours that differ from the norm.

I've never been cheated on, but I can tell when something is not right, or if DP has something on his mind. When will these cheating twits learn that women are Fucking awesome at 'knowing'? Never, that's when cause it's so inbuilt in us.

Women are great for it

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