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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

please help

89 replies

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:34

Just found out my partner of 14 years is cheating on me and I don't know what to do. He is sending is ex saucy messages arranging to meet up for sex tomorrow.
What do I do??'

OP posts:

Report

wafflyversatile · 07/08/2014 00:40

Sorry, it must be a nasty shock to you.

Do you have screen prints of the evidence? It's definitely not a jokey exchange? Not that that would be ok.

You don't have to do anything this very minute unless you want to.

If possible you calmly confront him. Whether he confirms or denies ask him to leave the house for a few days so you can have space to think.

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:45

I have taken screen prints, I go away on Monday with our children. Not going to enjoy it now I know what he will be getting up to. My poor babies

OP posts:

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 00:46

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 00:47

Have you confronted him?

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:47

I feel sick. Definitely not jokey that would be bad enough. This is so much worse

OP posts:

Lally112 · 07/08/2014 00:48

Is it texts? replace her number in his phone for yours and you get the meetup directions, you turn up instead of her and his face is a peach. teach the cheating bastard hes not so clever after all. sorry about the kids involved.

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:51

I dont need to get the directions he is going to her house I know where that is. It is him doing all the chasing she is trying to play it down but has still agreedto meet.
I am going to have a cigarette after 4 yrs of not smoking

OP posts:

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:53

Im tempted to text him to tell him he is a lying cheating bastard (he is in our bed facebook messaging her on his phone, dick head has left his facebook open on the iPad downstairs so I can see it playing out live, lucky me)

OP posts:

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 00:57

Oh my god. What a complete and utter arse. Has he done anything like this before?

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:58

I don't know :-( don't know anything anymore. How am I going to face my beautiful babies in the morning

OP posts:

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 00:59

Knowing that I wasn't good enough to keep their family together

OP posts:

coolaschmoola · 07/08/2014 01:00

I'd be sorely tempted to add myself to the conversation and say something like 'no need to wait until Monday, you can go now you cheating bastard'.

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 01:01

This is not your failing it is his.

coolaschmoola · 07/08/2014 01:01

And it's not you that isn't 'good enough' - it's him. He's the one cheating on your family.

so sorry that you are going through this.

lordStrange · 07/08/2014 01:03

Oh no. this is just awful.

I think I would have to confront him, like now. I think I'd be so mad I'd just join in the messages the tawdry fuckers.

So sorry.

Castlemilk · 07/08/2014 01:04

Don't let on that you know until you have THOUGHT HARD about how you want this to play out.

You live with him but presumably you aren't married? Then you need to think first about who owns what and be careful. What is the situation with the house, job? What does he pay for? Joint account?

Don't let on you know until you have secured what you need to - eg emptying joint account, getting details of financial stuff, even making sure you have things like precious photos stashed away if he might get nasty.

lordStrange · 07/08/2014 01:04

It really isn't you, love.

Castlemilk · 07/08/2014 01:04

Oh and screenshot stuff if you can! Might be a useful leverage on getting him out of the house etc., especially if she has a partner.

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 01:05

How long have they been messaging one another?

Lally112 · 07/08/2014 01:07

Interrupt their cozy wee convo and ask if he would like a lift??? with his bags??? I don't know how you are so calm, I would be furious!!!

TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 01:14

We aren't married but I have got a large amount of 'our' money in my savings account from a house we sold recently. No joint accounts.
They have been messaging for a while but only just got rude. I don't feel calm I feel numb.
I can't stay with him after this I am already fragile just been prescribed antidepressants I can never trust him again. I find it so hard to trust anyone I thought he was my forever

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Lally112 · 07/08/2014 01:16

Don't stay with him, and make sure the door smacks his arse hard on the way out. Well you are doing very well at appearing calm anyway which is probably best for the kids sakes but he is an arse.

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TheEndOfTheWorldAsIKnowIt · 07/08/2014 01:19

I am supposed to be going away on Monday. Tempted to go to bed, not say anything and catch them at it tomorrow.

OP posts:

lordStrange · 07/08/2014 01:22

You are in shock. Remember to breathe, have a cup of tea, be gentle with yourself.

If you don't wish to make an immediate response to this then don't.

Try to sleep.

Take care x

Lally112 · 07/08/2014 01:22

Are you going to be able to? its one thing to think it but its an entirely different thing to lie next to someone who has betrayed you and your trust like that. I don't mean to be so blunt but you said yourself you were already fragile before this. But I agree with the catching in the act sort of thing, that way he knows you wont be manipulated into thinking you got the wrong end of the stick etc.

Flip

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