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Do you ask for permission to go for nights out with friends?

(125 Posts)
moonshine123 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:12:49

Just out of curiosity does anyone ask for permission from Partner or Husband etc for going on nights out with friends, girls nights out etc? x

MrsPnut Wed 30-Jul-14 21:13:57

No, first one to bag a date on the calendar gets to go out.

maggiethemagpie Wed 30-Jul-14 21:15:58

I don't ask permission but it will be him at home with the kids so I usually just mention it and check he's ok looking after the kids before I confirm it. Just out of politeness really, rather than obligation.

purpleroses Wed 30-Jul-14 21:16:33

I'd always check it was on with DH, on the grounds that he'd need to be in to mind the kids if I was out. Though I'd expect him always to say it was fine.

tomatoplantproject Wed 30-Jul-14 21:17:24

No, but out of courtesy we check the date with each other to make sure the other is free to babysit dd. And normally anything I want to do trumps dh's plans because he goes out a lot more than I do.

Chrysanthemum5 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:17:28

Not permission, but as a matter of consideration we would both check that the other person was around before planning a night out. I wouldn't just assume that DH was ok to stay in with the children, and he wouldn't assume I was ok. I tend to go out more than DH, but I always check he's not away or out before I agree to a night out.

JapaneseMargaret Wed 30-Jul-14 21:17:53

No, we obviously run things by each other, and the calendar, to avoid clashes (or organise a sitter), but that's obviously different.

My husband is not my parent, and I'm not 15.

Finney2 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:18:05

What maggiethemagpie said really. We check with each other but it's usually fine. I might have a little main at H mainly because I hate doing bedtime alone and I'm pregnant, but I wouldn't stop him from going out, mainly because he hardly ever gets to go out for a drink due to other work commitments.

nachohousekeeper Wed 30-Jul-14 21:18:10

Not permission no. Either of us might say "planning to do x on x date - is that ok?"

We're not asking permission just checking it doesn't clash with anything else. DH does a job which means he is on call for a week at a time and it is fairly irregular so just politeness/avoiding clashes.

Finney2 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:18:16


hollycomputer Wed 30-Jul-14 21:18:38

I don't ask permission but I do let him know I'll be out on x night with x people/friends/work etc. He does the same with me so we don't have calendar clashes.

It would be a bit weird if either of us felt we needed to ask permission, tbh.

EverythingCounts Wed 30-Jul-14 21:19:13

I don't ask permission - I do tell him what my plans are to double-check that there isn't any reason why DH can't stay home with DS that night. There is a subtle but important difference between showing the other person courtesy by letting them know you will be out (and, by inference - f you have kids - that they'll have to stay in) and in having to ask permission. We also put things on the family calendar MrsPnut.

Altinkum Wed 30-Jul-14 21:19:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle Wed 30-Jul-14 21:20:06

Not permission but consultation, absolutely. Just as I expect consultation from DH.

JapaneseMargaret Wed 30-Jul-14 21:21:09

Why OP, do you have to?

thecageisfull Wed 30-Jul-14 21:21:55

DP works most nights so I would always just get a babysitter. If he was at home I would 'ask' in case it clashed with something else.

BearFeet Wed 30-Jul-14 21:23:08

The same as others, just check he's not out so can have the dc.
The only time I would ask is if I was already out say 2 Saturdays in a row and a third Saturday had been arranged I would ask if he minded. He never would though.

lunar1 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:23:46

Not permission, but I do check his rota as he could be on call or working late.

drspouse Wed 30-Jul-14 21:24:31

It's not "permission" if you ask your DP out of courtesy in case they'd forgotten to tell you something really important (if you don't have DC e.g. they had just that morning been told about a work do with The Big Boss and partners), or in case they might be late back and need to do a tight handover (if you do have DC).

If you are getting to the point where one of you is out every night and the other is never out, perhaps that gets into "permission" territory.

moonshine123 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:25:06

Well yes, kind off, he doesn't like me going out without him so feel if there is something I get invited to and I want to go, I find myself asking if it is ok for me to do so. I have had 2 night outs in the past year and a half on my own without him as it was special occasions, so wanted to see what others do xx

Longdistance Wed 30-Jul-14 21:25:40

No, I do check in case dh is out though. But, he has to ok nights out with me, as he'd be out 7 nights a week, hence me checking.

AlleyCat11 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:26:44

No. We both go out a lot separately. We tell each other what our plans are. Sunday is our day together, apart from when we're both at home at the same time.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Wed 30-Jul-14 21:29:01

We run as MrsPnut does - first in gets it. If the second person then gets an invite somewhere they have to arrange the babysitting.

TheHoundsBitch Wed 30-Jul-14 21:29:37

I tend to say "Do you mind if I go out X night to X thing?" and he does the same, more to check it doesn't clash with any other plans than anything.

RedRoom Wed 30-Jul-14 21:30:34

he doesn't like me going out without him so feel if there is something I get invited to and I want to go, I find myself asking if it is ok for me to do so. I have had 2 night outs in the past year and a half on my own without him as it was special occasions

I find that quite worrying. My thinking is that a couple need three lives: a life together and a life of their own, each. What reason could he ever use to justify him not liking you going anywhere without him? He's a man, not a barnacle.

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