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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He "vetoed moving house"

119 replies

Peonysandblueglass · 30/07/2014 08:49

So now we are stuck in a tiny rented house full of his hoard of crap.
When we decided to move in together he said he couldnt move into mine because of his cat and mine was on the main road, even though mine was vastly bigger / more modern, double glazed etc.
He said that when a house came up for rent on his road we could then move.
A beautiful lovely house came up on his (now our) road and he said "ive vetoed it, we're not moving because a) it will disturb the cat! (it's 5 doors away from our current hell hole) b) it's dark.
Im so angry that he has that lind of power meanwhile I'm living in a mad tiny house with all these buts of electrical equipment he buys on ebay (brken meaninb to fix but never does)
He haz put up a kind of hospital curtain in the kitchen to cover up the hoard which reaches the ceiling.
I wouldn't mind bug he NEVER uses any if this stuff, blaming time constraints ( he only works a 3 day week).
Im just about to marry this man and Im veeling voiceless, powerless, miserable that a cats happiness is put over mine.
This weekend I've said that were going to get rid of all the crap and he has agreed to it so I can look forward to a weekend of arguments and battles to get rid of just 3 of his 4 wooly scarves etcetc.
Sorry for the rant Im so cross and upset.

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2014 08:51

Don't marry the man thinking he's going to change. That would be a really stupid thing to do.

Peonysandblueglass · 30/07/2014 08:52

Excuse spelling my fingers arent delicate enough for iphone keyboard

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 30/07/2014 08:53

What cog said. Why are you marrying him?

Finola1step · 30/07/2014 08:53

Don't get married. Sorry

Vitalstatistix · 30/07/2014 08:53

Why does he have that kind of power? Who gave it to him?

Peonysandblueglass · 30/07/2014 08:54

Well its a bit late now, im just going to have to veto his crap in the same way that he vetoed moving house

OP posts:

Philoslothy · 30/07/2014 08:54

Do not marry this man.

Ask yourself honestly, is my life better for having this man in my life? Only stay if the answer is yes.

Peonysandblueglass · 30/07/2014 08:55

Apart from not marrying him what is my option though?

OP posts:

anonacfr · 30/07/2014 08:55

Don't marry him.

LondonForTheWeekend · 30/07/2014 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirandaWest · 30/07/2014 08:56

Why are you marrying him? You really don't have to.

Vitalstatistix · 30/07/2014 08:57

Marry him and have this life and pray it makes you happy.

LizzieMint · 30/07/2014 08:57

If he's a hoarder, you are going to have a very hard time trying to get him to get rid of anything. Can you live with things like this for the rest of your life?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/07/2014 08:57

It's only too late if you've signed on the dotted line. If he's dictating things now when you're not married, what the hell is he going to be like once you've got that shackle on your third finger?

anonacfr · 30/07/2014 08:57

Well the only option would be to live in separate houses.
Seriously having read some of the hoarders thread on this forum, it's not going to get better.

Igggi · 30/07/2014 08:57

What is too late? Have you talked to him about how his veto crap makes you feel, and that you are having doubts about the wedding?
I would be wary of thinking a bigger home would reduce his clutter though, he will probably just expand into the space available.

Homebird8 · 30/07/2014 08:58

It's not too late. You haven't signed for him yet. You sensibly decided to inspect the goods first.

Coughle · 30/07/2014 08:58

What do you mean, what is my option? Do whatever you want to do, just don't marry him. Find another place to live and move out.

temporarilyjerry · 30/07/2014 08:58

Apart from not marrying him what is my option though?

I disagree with the pp; don't walk away - RUN.

Igggi · 30/07/2014 08:59

You ask about options - ultimatums I suppose. He changes or he loses you. Think specifically about what you want though - would you be happy if he still bought crap, but kept it in a shed only? Is there a reason he works 3 days, and why does he think he's so busy?

temporarilyjerry · 30/07/2014 09:00

The problem isn't the hoarding or the cat; the problem is that he puts them before your happiness. If you moved to a bigger house, don't you think he would fill that with clutter?

Where did you live before you moved in?

Bunbaker · 30/07/2014 09:01

Why are you marrying him? Weren't you aware of his hoarding tendencies before you moved in with him? Why not move out into your own clean and tidy place and continue seeing him on your own terms if that is what you want. Or dump him.

He doesn't sound like a good catch.

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CocktailQueen · 30/07/2014 09:01

Don't marry him! You have the option not to! He won't change. If it's making you this miserable before you marry, it won't be any better after and you'll be more trapped.

andmyunpopularopionis · 30/07/2014 09:01

He will not change.

Your only option is to move into an acre of land and have a barn where all his stuff has to go. The other option is do not marry him. This will be your life. He will never stop.

Evem if you manage, by some miracle, to get rid of something this weekend. He will just get more.

CocktailQueen · 30/07/2014 09:03

Posted too soon! Agree that the hoarding and cat are a problem because he puts them ahead of what you want. He makes decisions without talking them through - that's a crap basis for a marriage.
Why did you move in with him? Didn't he hoard then.

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