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8months pregnant in non exsistant relationship

(33 Posts)
mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 03:07:45

IM new to all this but in so fed up. I met my children's father 12 years ago and im 8 months pregnant problem is he doesn't live with me and makes every excuse not to. He lives with his parents and whilst there the one day i snuck into his room because he always tensed up if i went in there so wanted to see what he is hiding. I was in there all of two mins and i found a bag of weed, loads of porn and condoms. Makes me physically sick. I feel hideous enough being so big. I have told him i don't want a relationship with him anymore. How am i going to cope? I feel like I don't know him. He made out he hated strippers and porn but he clearly doesn't. He knows i have issues with lies but still chooses to do it. He told me it was my fault he had porn because when we split for over a year because he went out every single night i told him if he didn't want to be with me i would move on and start dating. So i went on one date, the person kissed me it didn't feel right and i knew i didn't want anyone else at that point. I told him this and the next day he said he wanted to work it out and be a family so i agreed with it ob the condition he spent more time with me. He didn't but ended up getting me pregnant.. But anyway his excuse was he was angry after so got this porn... But why say he wanted to work it out? I was honest with him? I dint want to be single but if he can lie to my face about this what else is he lying about? I never see him and I've begged him to spend time with me but he is always to tired but can go home and watch porn? He only rings me when he is at work if i ring him at 7 or text, he just ignores it every single time. When he comes to see the children he finds a excuse to shout at me or our son and cant wait to leave. When we found out we were having a daughter i was suggesting names but he said why bother she will be a pissed up slag anyway... I dint understand why he would say that. I've only ever one boyfriend. I know he is verbally abusive to me but he some how twists it to being me. His own mother has told me she doesn't think he will stick around so why do keep giving him chances? I've got no one else and he had told me no one would want a relationship with someone who has 3 kid's... Ifeel worthless but keep thinking maybe this time he has realized how wrong he is.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 29-Jul-14 03:15:25

He uses drugs.

He uses porn.

He calls your unborn baby a, "pissed up slag".

He shouts at you and your son.

Do you really need strangers on the internet to tell you what you know? He doesn't love you, care about you or care for you. He's poison and you need rid.


mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 03:18:48

When you have been worn down for 12 years and told its not him its me... I guess i do need strangers to tell me this. Its good to hear this and i appreciate everyone's advise.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 29-Jul-14 03:20:29

Good. I'm a stranger - leave him. I presume you are looking after the children all alone?

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 03:25:30


TillyWithercoat Tue 29-Jul-14 07:44:28

Life can only be better without this man. Have nothing to do with him - he is harming you and your DC.

Others will be along soon to guide you on how to build up your esteem.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 29-Jul-14 08:53:59

You're effectively a single mother now, so you know you can cope, so ditch this vile, weed smoking twat, and you'll feel so good.

Think of him as a weight around your neck and you've finally worked out how to get him off.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 29-Jul-14 08:57:18

Oh and his Mother gave you the golden warning, she knows him better than you ever will.

And I know a woman who has 7 kids and did it all herself and she has a fella.

So someone will want a lovely, strong woman like you, and you are strong because your doing this alone, you just need to see your self worth.

Nerf Tue 29-Jul-14 09:03:55

Why would you start a family with someone who won't live with you? Three times?
I just don't get why - and he didn't end up getting you pregnant, it takes two.
No idea. Ditching him won't make any difference will it, except you won't have to pander to him.

Squidstirfry Tue 29-Jul-14 09:26:19

Why is he using condoms to watch porn??
Sorry he is scum and probably shagging around too.

You and your newborn will be brilliant on your own! Engage with your own friends and family. Live on!

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 09:37:46

Thanks everyone. The condoms were un opened.. If that makes it any better. I had my children because he promises to change and i believe him... He does for a short while and when you love someone you just want to see the best in them. Its not like the movies bad people can be incredibly charming and its not black and white as in bad or good...

Nerf Tue 29-Jul-14 09:40:52

But for twelve years ?
I just a don't understand why you would keep having children with someone who won't commit to you, or even live with you. I hope he pays for the children, at least.

KoalaDownUnder Tue 29-Jul-14 09:45:29

The way he speaks about his children is abusive and disgusting, and you need to leave him. For their sake, and for your own. What earthly use is he to you, anyway, when he lives at home with his parents and spends all his money on weed and booze?

I understand that you think you love him, but he behaves like a vile man-child, and has done for 12 YEARS. What makes you think it's going to improve??

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 09:50:38

We did live together for 4 years then i got pregnant with my first then when the baby came he cracked and couldn't handle me not doing everything. Plus he constantly tells me we will live together. Some people can be very manipulative and if i wasn't in this situation i would get angry with the person for putting up with certain behaviour but unless you have walked in someone's shoes its impossible to judge

HellonHeels Tue 29-Jul-14 09:50:41

He won't change. He's vile. You will feel so much better when you make the final decision to get him out of your life and make some space for good things to come into it.

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 09:52:40

I know deep down he wont but i have know idea why in holding on in there. There is no logical answer.

Nerf Tue 29-Jul-14 09:58:05

Well I'm glad you've finally seen sense. As he bailed after the first and you've given him two more chances it's probably time to call it a day before you bring anymore children into this mess.
He won't change - he wouldn't for one, three isn't going to be any better. Is he paying for any of them or just spending his wages on porn and weed?

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 10:08:30

He gives me 30 a week.. Cant afford anymore than that... Apparently

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 29-Jul-14 10:15:05

How can someone who works and lives at home not afford more than £30?

Nerf Tue 29-Jul-14 10:15:09

God what a loser. Sorry, but how does 10 per child per week do anything to feed them, clothe them, house them? Best off on your own, find a job/keep working and gain some confidence.

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 10:23:43

I know he doesn't even have bills.. He told he wad going to save to move in so i didn't complain too much but obviously when i said its now or never he said he cant afford to move in. I still feel bad talking bad about him. IM too loyal. I've never talked to anyone about him before. I've been too ashamed. I guess i just didn't want to have the label single parent and pretend its fine. I gave up my job last year to study to become a teacher but then i fell pregnant and developed pgp.

mum2bof31986 Tue 29-Jul-14 10:24:58

He told me he was*

xmasbaby2014 Tue 29-Jul-14 10:31:46

Please leave him. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 12 years. He wore me down, blamed me for everything, made me feel as though everything was my fault. It is hard to leave, I wont pretend its not. But its so worth it. You and your children deserve better than this.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 29-Jul-14 11:22:13

I'm a single parent, being a single parent is the best thing ever compared to have a vile, tight, abusive emotional vampire hanging on.

Let go, 5 years from now, you'll be patting yourself on your back for it.

petalsandstars Tue 29-Jul-14 11:46:01

Go to the new version of the csa now and get some proper maintenance for your children too.

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