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No sex for the rest of your life - could you manage it?

(48 Posts)
tescosmum781 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:02:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumblePieMonster Mon 21-Jul-14 08:04:57

ooh, I've just been re-reading your other threads.

honestly, you need to get out of there.

I speak as a quarter-century celibate.

get out, stay out, put out. I mean, ditch the unkind husband ('no sex' is unkind), establish your own life, and find a lover. or two.

good luck.

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal Mon 21-Jul-14 08:05:01

Look, this is your one life. You only get one. How do you want to live it? You might have another 50 years or so of your life left.

You wouldn't see me doing this, I would be suggesting an open relationship.

WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal Mon 21-Jul-14 08:05:29

He does sound controlling.

LIttleMissTickles Mon 21-Jul-14 08:06:13

No, I wouldn't. If he became paralysed, or some illness made it impossible, I definitely could and would. But not if it's a choice, and particularly not if there's 'no intimacy' of any other nature either.

stillenacht1 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:07:17

No, I don't think I could tbh

Frogisatwat Mon 21-Jul-14 08:07:28

My instinct is to say I wouldn't. I am the same age as you almost and my partner also 57.
However it would depend on why. If he was ill and couldn't that would change things.
But if not I wouldn't be dictated to about ME being celibate. I wouldn't cheat either. I would have to consider whether I wanted to continue in the relationship and tell him this.

ICanHearYou Mon 21-Jul-14 08:08:12

Nope, had this choice, left him 2 months ago and am much happier in the knowledge that I COULD have decent sex again, even if I never actually get around to it.

HecatePropylaea Mon 21-Jul-14 08:10:55

I am living that. going to 14 years now. (no sex but certainly there is intimacy in terms of hugs, affection, etc. )

I don't care about sex but I would care if there was no affection.

I would go the rest of my life without intercourse, but I wouldn't go a month without affection.

But you know, it really does not matter one bit how many of us are in this situation or would be ok in this situation, you don't do something that doesn't make you happy because there are others in the world who are ok with it.

If it is what you want then it isn't a problem.

If it is not what you want then it is a problem.

It really is that simple.

He has the right to not want sex and you have the right to want it. He does not have the right to demand that you agree to live the life that he wants or to attempt to manipulate you in that childish way - if you looooooved me you'd do it...

How do YOU feel? What do YOU want?

If you are miserable - make a different choice.

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow Mon 21-Jul-14 08:10:56

God no chance.

Double no because it's a punishment. He's holding it over you as a test of your marriage.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 21-Jul-14 08:11:22

No. I couldn't stand that.

Not only because I like sex but because I think it's an important cement for a relationship. But primarily I would be seethingly resentful of him controlling me like that. Because making an announcement like that is control, make no mistake

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:16:47

He wants a carer who can do his bed baths for him when he's older, he's thinking of himself and not you at all.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Jul-14 08:19:20

It's a thoroughly unreasonable & very cruel suggestion but I think you know that already. I'm single and I'd be horrified at the idea of never experiencing love, affection or physical intimacy again. What is the point of being married if that's the shitty deal on the table?

He doesn't care about you OP.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Mon 21-Jul-14 08:19:55

Fuck. That.
Firstly, no, I couldn't live without sex. If I had a partner who couldn't have PIV sex I would still expect to have a sex life. Secondly, I wouldn't be dictated to about anything that affected the rest of my life.

bragmatic Mon 21-Jul-14 08:22:16

Sex gets really good after 40. I don't know why.

Buggered if I'm missing out.

louby44 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:26:31

No! I enjoy sex and even more so as I've got older. I'm 45 and have had a few sexual partners and 3 long term relationships so I know what I want sex wise!

If he can't 'perform' why can't he do other things to satisfy you! Does he hug/kiss and show affection through things he does?

Pinkfrocks Mon 21-Jul-14 08:27:18

I suppose the question is - why is he saying this?
Is he impotent?

Belloc Mon 21-Jul-14 08:31:42

I might endure celibacy for reasons of my own choosing. But I would not endure celibacy at the behest of a manipulative bully.

ToAvoidConversation Mon 21-Jul-14 08:31:50

Not I couldn't but you aren't giving much of the story. Is he ill or just not intimate?

kentishgirl Mon 21-Jul-14 08:34:05


I would not accept a life without sex at all. If my husband developed a medical condition that prevented intercourse, I'd expect us to create an interesting new sex life around other things. There's no reason for it to stop altogether.

If my husband had a medical or psychological condition that prevented sex, or was asexual, and knew this all along I'd have expected a full disclosure before we married. Not doing that would be reason for me to finish the marriage.

If my husband just didn't find me attractive, or simply didn't want sex with me, marriage over.

Sex is part and parcel of a normal, healthy, fulfilling marriage. One person can't suddenly declare it over and finished and emotionally blackmail the other into agreeing. He is being extremely unfair, here. He's either got a medical condition and isn't willing to work around that (unfair, and I would have thought if he loved and fancied you frustrating for him too), or he is one of those people really not interested in sex in which case he deceived you by not telling you before you married him, or he just doesn't want sex with you personally. I can't think of any other possible reason for his demand. None of those reasons are reasonable or loving of him.

You could equally turn round to him and say 'well if you really loved me, you would want to have sex with me'.

I'm so sorry but it looks like the start of the end, to me.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 21-Jul-14 08:36:36

Why has he said this??

To answer your question- no I couldn't.

McFox Mon 21-Jul-14 08:38:40

Wow, absolutely no way. It sounds like he's manipulating you and that's no way to live the rest of your life.

tescosmum781 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:43:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zimtschnecke Mon 21-Jul-14 08:44:11

No I wouldn't.

Intimacy is an important part of a relationship. If there is one who craves it and one who isn't bothered at all, I'd say end it.

He's being a controlling twat. If you love me, you.... No, that's not how it works.

You are desperate for a bit of loving attention and you have every right to it. I'm sure you're lovely and there is someone out there who you will be able to have a fulfilling relationship with.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Jul-14 08:46:31

"The thing I miss most is all the little comforting things that come with intimacy"

A man doesn't need 'help' in order to be affectionate. Sexual problems may have a physical or psychological root and can potentially be treated. There's no reason and no cure for being a cold fish. hmm

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